My eyes play tricks on me.... - ThinnerTimes

CarolinaGirl · 07-15-2008, 12:41 PM

First off....I have been thinking of having some type of weigh loss surg. Just not sure what I wanted or needed to have. I still am not sure what I need to do and have not made an appointment with a doctor as of yet. My reason for this is I am a smoker and I have insurance problems and I need to get all that in order first.....Just getting my duck in a row so to speak. BUT......

When I look down at myself..I do not see myself as being morbid obese! Does that make since at all? But when I see myself in pictures or in mirrors, I look like I am 9 months pregnant! Actually I look just like I did when I went into labor with my first child!

What is up with that?

Toony · 07-15-2008, 12:50 PM

I think I had a mental image of myself that locked in when I still looked in mirrors. I didn't realize how HUGE I was until I'd see a photograph... It is a mental thing.

What is your BMI? That's a good indicator... do you have problems with your size such as fastening a seat belt, fitting in a booth at a restaurant, climbing stairs, getting up from a sitting position on the floor? The list could go on... but I think you get the idea.

I'm happy to be able to clip my toenails (and paint them) again! Sliding into a booth and actually only picking at my meal feels GOOD! Clothes bagging on me is another good feeling

I'm still a big gal, but I feel better in 100 different ways!

SimplySamaria · 07-15-2008, 01:29 PM

When I close my eyes I have never visualized myself as a large woman.. NEVER!! it isn't until I walk past a mirror or look at a picture that reality slaps me! It is all mental image.

But reality was, I could not run up a flight of step without being out of breath.. completley and many other related things like this.

Everyone is diff. but #1 STOP SMOKING!!!!!! it is bad for you anyway!

Get your ducks in that row and start the process.. You will be so glad you did it!

'thann · 07-15-2008, 02:05 PM

I think this may be a variant of body dysmorphic disorder (where a person is excessively preoccupied by an imagined or minor defect in his or her physical features).

I, too, never saw myself as obese, although I was morbidly obese before surgery. I'd even look in the mirror and not see a fat person. It was only in photos that I saw how huge I had become.

Now I concentrate on seeing the real me in the mirror, and it's wonderful to see myself shrinking.

'thann

CarolinaGirl · 07-15-2008, 02:18 PM

My BMI right now is 36....and that is the lowest it has been in a long time. I have hovered around 40 for years. 36 BMI is with me taking 1/ 37.5 mg phentermine everyday as a maintenance dose. CRAZY! I have other disabilities to boot. I am disabled and receive disability benefits. What really hurt was reading what the judge said about me during my hearing. One of the reason was my morbid obesity along with the chronic pain, osteoarthritis and the feet and leg damage I have. I knew I was overweight but I never though that would even play a factor in the decision.

This picture was the icing on the cake!

LoserX · 07-15-2008, 04:37 PM

I understand I never saw myself as being morbidly obese either but when I saw a picture I was so upset. Someone got a picture of my huge ass when we were walking up a trail once and when I saw that pic I about died. Baby Got Back was written about this huge ass!
I also took Phentermine on & off for about 11 years. Seriously when I had my records pulled I could not believe how much I was spending on that stuff to maintain. Not too mention how bitchy & on edge it made me.
I am relieved to not have to take it anymore in order to feel human.

Good luck to you on this journey I hope everything works out the way you want it to

CarolinaGirl · 07-15-2008, 06:52 PM

Thank you.

I am so tired of taking the phen....I crash in the afternoon and lay awake all hours of the night. Its a terrible feeling.

LoserX · 07-15-2008, 06:56 PM

I thought it was just me that had that! Doesn't it make you crazy? I used to struggle to stay awake on the drive home from work or when I should be helping the kids with homework. It sucks but I also remember when I would run out and sleep and eat like a zombie for days. It is such a vicious cycle.

JanieGirl · 07-15-2008, 08:01 PM

I too was a smoker. That was the first thing that had to go because my surgeon wouldn't touch me while I was smoking. I used Chantix. It made me a little nauseous at first but I pushed thru it. The next step for me was making the decision between RNY or lap band. I chose RNY. It was a personal choice because I could have done either. My insurance company okd either one.
I can not even put in to words how HAPPY and PROUD I am of myself. I give myself a big ole pat on the back every day.

CarolinaGirl · 07-16-2008, 12:25 PM

LoserX what was the kick in the butt for me too. I was not able to sleep at night and of all the worst times to be hungry is in the middle of the night. But if I didn't eat something I would lay there with hunger pains and NEVER get any sleep LOL! ....vicious cycle is right. Good Lord!

Janie it may take me forever to get through this process. When I was disabled Medicare automatically gave me Part A and B. But we had a private policy because my husband is self-employed. So I canceled the medical part and kept the hospitalization because its free. I never told my insurance company about me becoming disabled and having Medicare because I was afraid they would drop me like a hot potato. Medicare had changed over to the new plans during that time and people thought they were covered and weren't. My in-laws to be exact. I spent hours on the phone helping them. So I opted out. Now it may be January before I can reapply for Medicare medical coverage. I don't know if I will qualify or not. So....I figure I will do what I can and try to get this thing going and quiting smoking never hurt anyone....except for my families feeling right now as snappy as I have been the last few days.

I tried the Chantix a year or so ago and never quit. I think its just something I am gonna have to have a reason for doing like this.

One thing I am going to start doing on my own is going to support meetings. They have them at a nearby hospital the first Tuesday of every month. That way I will have that under my belt and I will be able to make more educated decisions about which procedure I need to go with.

Any advice from you guys would be greatly appreciated