This is great! (re: FWD emails) - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Duckie · 01-17-2008, 09:51 AM

Dear All,
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year.......
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit i the glue
on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
needs sealing. Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown);
who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail prog ram.

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million
with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
interstate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I orward
e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gas without taking a man along to watch the car so a
serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. >
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a erfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,Singapore
and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my ass.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found
dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pmthis
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbors ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Have a Great New Year!

I_love_Hello Kitty · 01-17-2008, 09:55 AM

Now THAT's funny!! Cause its sooo true! I think I got most of those emails.

Gwen · 01-17-2008, 10:26 AM

I must be on the same mailing list!?

Who needs enemies when you have friends like that

XXX

Omaha Jim · 01-17-2008, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duckie

Dear All,
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pmthis
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump.

This is really good luck in some countries.

coptergirl · 01-17-2008, 08:04 PM

This cracked me up - and brought back so many happy memories of these emails I, too, have received