Marriage jokes (for woman) - ThinnerTimes

Duckie · 01-15-2008, 09:05 AM

WHY AM I MARRIED?

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable
or get married and wish you were dead.

__________
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'

__________

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'

__________

When a woman steals your husband
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

__________

A woman is incomplete until she is married.
Then she is finished.

__________

A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'

__________

Then there was a woman, who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married
and by then, it was too late.'

__________

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

__________

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say...
talk in your sleep.
__________

Just think, if it weren't for marriage
men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

__________

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

__________

'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man,
to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'

__________

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'

Omaha Jim · 01-15-2008, 09:26 AM

These are great!

desmccoy · 01-15-2008, 10:52 AM

Michelle that was funny. ( O.T. My husband and I are planning a trip to Mass in April.) We want to bring my girls to see Go Diego Go live. Maybe we can catch up ( if I feel well enough)

Duckie · 01-15-2008, 10:57 AM

ABSOLUTELY! I would love that. Where will you be seeing Go Diego Go? Boston? Worcester? (I live in worcester!)
oh, I was also wondering earlier today: HOW MUCH SNOW do you have?!?!

desmccoy · 01-15-2008, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duckie

ABSOLUTELY! I would love that. Where will you be seeing Go Diego Go? Boston? Worcester? (I live in worcester!)
oh, I was also wondering earlier today: HOW MUCH SNOW do you have?!?!

In Boston The plans are in the work. ( we can either go to the 11,2 or 5 show.) My stepsister lives down there so will be staying with them. My three year old loves him and we were trying to figure out something that we could do with them that they would remember. ( we saw a commercial and I did a little research talked to Grammie and my husband and everyone agreed it would be the best thing for them.)
so, we decided we are going to surprise them with a trip to see diego!!! She'll love it. We going to Get V.I.P. tickets so they can meet him after the show. Its going to be great. Alot they say this is like the old fashion winters we used to have.

Duckie · 01-15-2008, 12:11 PM

THat sounds like a blast! They are going to love it! LMK when you are here, we will work something out.
We have been getting slammed with snow but you have been getting PUMMELED!

Corrine · 01-15-2008, 01:10 PM

I'll be passing those on - priceless!