Divorce rate scientific studies....... - ThinnerTimes

rrk · 01-06-2008, 05:59 PM

I was warned before my RNY of the "high" divorce rate among couples when one partner has the surgery and the other dose not. I have read many stories on this board and sympathize with anyone who is not getting the support, respect, love and affection that they deserve.

I am looking for hard data or studies conducted on this phenomenon. I have heard of and read about divorce rates from 60~85%. If any one can point me in the right direction for information that I can use in a paper for a developmental psychology course I would appreciate it.

These are three titles I ran across on the web on another weight loss support site. If they have helped anyone here please let others know.

Thanks,

David "rrk

Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours by Daphne Rose Kingma
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward
The Road Less Traveled, 25th Anniversary Edition : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck

kittens4 · 01-06-2008, 06:15 PM

I don't know about the divorce stuff....but I have to just say WOW to you for the fact you lost 100 lbs in 90 days. That's incredible!!!! I love your myspace photos....love the meth comment....too funny! Your girls are beautiful as well.

VanessaSFL · 01-06-2008, 06:23 PM

David~

I don't have to leave him now , he is gone for a year

I feel like my marriage is stronger now than it has ever been.I will also add that I have to work on my marriage EVERYDAY.My Marriage is a FULL TIME JOB,I don't always show up on time for work, clock in late, leave early....slack off...but I still have the marriage and I show up everyday.My paycheck is a friend , lover, and someone to watch our son grow up together not apart.

Good luck on your reserch and continued success,

norwegiangirl · 01-06-2008, 07:20 PM

I can't really give any stats, but i know that divorce rate is high for wls patients on a norwegian forum. It might just be us norwegians, but my guess is that we have a higher rate than non wls people.

I don't think that is because we have had the surgery, but the effects of it. Some might see now that they've lost alot of weight that they have in fact been settling with their spouse because they think they won't get anyone better, or they don't deserve better. Also all of the changes that happens to us, can be hard to handle for a partner. Some go from being really shy to be outgoing, and some leave their partner just because they feel it's their time to live the single life.
I think this can be death to a bad relationship, but i also think that this can make a good relationship even stronger, and that both people can enjoy the changes and grow together.

And let me say that you've done an amazing job on your weight!!

rrk · 01-07-2008, 04:46 AM

The US over all rate is 53% per the US census bureau. I wonder if couples with a “large” partner have a lower rate until that partner loses weight and gains more confidence and sees the true value of them. Thus it seems as if allot more get divorced but actually they just catch up to the 53%.

Or......it is a higher rate for WLS folks. There are many emotional reasons not the actual surgery but I would like to find the coloration data if it is out there.

And to thoses who have asked, I am not looking to get one I / we are happy but I am looking to see if this is a myth or truth. Is this just an urban legend so to say?

Thanks for checking on me!!!

kittens4 · 01-07-2008, 06:15 AM

Vanessa, I really like what you said in your post......you are so right....I just love ya woman!

Deirdrea · 01-07-2008, 08:22 AM

As far as I know within my local support group there currently aren't any divorces post surgery. We have people who are as far as 2 years+ who attend at least once a month. Granted it isn't something that most people announce from the rooftops, but my general feeling is that everyone that was married at the time of their surgery is still married.

Zenomia · 01-07-2008, 09:16 AM

Beware of Statistics. They can represent and "PROVE" any theory you have..and both sides of the same issue can be "Proven" with statistics. They are one of the most easily manipulated set of #'s we have and can be made to support or disprove the exact same question. Be wary of statistics.

Secondly, Getting surgery alone does not pre-determine whether you are at risk for divorce. Divorce happens due to a variety of factors and Surgery in most cases is just the "Straw" that breaks the proverbial camels back. If your marriage is shaky pre-op...odds are it won't last post. If it's questionable, it will still be questionable afterwords. So many things change because of this surgery. Your views, your self-esteem, confidence, outlook, perceptions, and that doesn't even cover the physical changes. Strong marriages with good communications and two people that are willing to change and roll with the punches, per say, will most likely get through these changes as well. Those who cannot adapt, will not and the marriage will most likely fall apart.

Just remember, there are many factors that lead people to divorce. Though surgery may have been the final prompt, odds are that there was a LOT going on prior to surgery on both sides of the coin. JMO

bridgetgirl · 01-07-2008, 02:02 PM

Who cares about the percentage?! Losing your marriage, and the threat of it altogether is important! The chance is your marriage, or those marriages where a wreck prior to WLS. You have to have a solid foundation to support the relationship and losing weight has NOTHING to do with it. Jealousy, non communication, vanity, belitteling, not being there 100% for your mate has EVERYTHING to do with it.

Men must feel respected to give love, and women must feel loved to give respect. If your marriage has a bump in the road its because somewhere in this very simple blueprint someone is tripping! Say your sorry, and move on. Marriage is wonderful and divorce is a pain in the ass and for people who just stop caring to try anymore. Dont get me wrong, sometimes there are habits, and you try what seems like everything to get the marriage back on track, only to have it fail. But I think it is just too easy for people to walk away.

If you love your wife, tell her you do, show her you do. Dont worry about how she feels about how you look and how hot you feel you are going to get, etc. As long as you love her, and you make her feel like the most beautiful woman on earth-you cant fail. Do your part.

Like Van, I know Kim aka watergirl, her marriage got stronger as well. Being around her and hre husband pre WLS was almost uncomfortable, now they are inseperable (as it should be) and fun to be around, and in love and affectionate! I just love to see them in love! Do your part, and like Van said SHOW UP and yours should be good too. If its on a rocky foundation now and you want it to last, do something NOW!

Good luck!