Man Rules - ThinnerTimes

Omaha Jim · 01-05-2008, 07:56 PM

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down!

Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear 'the rules' from the female side.
Now here are the rules from our side.

The following are our rules! Please note…these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions - and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or NASCAR.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

norwegiangirl · 01-05-2008, 08:01 PM

Hahaha!
I especially liked the rule number 1, about the toilet seat, and number 1, about answering yes or no.....come to think of it, i actually liked them all! And they apply internationally too! Men are men in every country! lol

fisher1000 · 01-05-2008, 08:06 PM

Excellent...especially the "ask for what you want." I'm a smart person, but sometimes even I have trouble reading the signals! This happens everywhere I go, so I know it's not just some "home" phenomenon, and the reason the list is funny, I'm sure, is because this happens to a LOT of guys! Am I right?

Great post!
Hilarious!

-Mike

VanessaSFL · 01-05-2008, 08:09 PM

I agree with #1 only...oh wait they are all #1.
As I read the "Rulz" I swear I could hear my hubby's voice

norwegiangirl · 01-05-2008, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisher1000

Excellent...especially the "ask for what you want." I'm a smart person, but sometimes even I have trouble reading the signals! This happens everywhere I go, so I know it's not just some "home" phenomenon, and the reason the list is funny, I'm sure, is because this happens to a LOT of guys! Am I right?

Great post!
Hilarious!

-Mike

And this happens to us ladies that are with you guys!

fisher1000 · 01-05-2008, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by norwegiangirl

And this happens to us ladies that are with you guys!

Jane, you seem full of mirth...are you married too!?!?!

It just seems like sometimes I'm supposed to be Sylvia Freakin' Brown on occasion, but I'm no psychic. My wife thinks it is because I'm VERY, VERY right-brained, and she's the exact opposite. Creative always wins out over practical for me, every single time! (I think it used to frustrate my mother too, but she's got my Dad to deal with, and now that I'm grown and gone, I'm pretty well off her radar!)

-Mike

norwegiangirl · 01-05-2008, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisher1000

Jane, you seem full of mirth...are you married too!?!?!

It just seems like sometimes I'm supposed to be Sylvia Freakin' Brown on occasion, but I'm no psychic. My wife thinks it is because I'm VERY, VERY right-brained, and she's the exact opposite. Creative always wins out over practical for me, every single time! (I think it used to frustrate my mother too, but she's got my Dad to deal with, and now that I'm grown and gone, I'm pretty well off her radar!)

-Mike

LOL!
I used to be. I was married for 10 years, and it seems like he could very well have been the author of these rules!
I just seriously like a good laugh, preferable as many as possible during a day, or night, as this is for me...lol
So you're not a psychic huh?

And here is a definition on blonde jokes, quoted from the little book of norwegian wisdom:
Why are blonde jokes so short? So that the guys can remeber them......

fisher1000 · 01-05-2008, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by norwegiangirl

So you're not a psychic huh?

Wait...I think I know what you're thinking...

Either you think I'm just being an ass, or that maybe my wife is a saint for putting me up with me? (My wife would agree on both counts.)

Maybe you're just thinking about Lo Mein and an Egg Roll...sorry...I'm gettin' no vibes!

-Mike

norwegiangirl · 01-05-2008, 08:45 PM

Nope, actually none of the above....lol
I was thinking about wether i should jump out of bed and get myself an apple.....lol
Sorry, i guess your wife IS right. You never know though, sometimes people have hidden talents, and i just thought that maybe being a psychic was a talent of yours.....lol

jessiesue27 · 01-06-2008, 02:01 AM

Lol. Wow Jim, thanks for clearing all that up! Where would us silly, non-beer-drinking, non-sports watching, overly sensitive ladies be without your manly guidance??