unwanted attention.... - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Linds0514 · 12-29-2007, 07:08 PM

I have only lost about 37 lbs since my surgery and i have still about 60 to go..ughh... but already I am noticing extra attention from not only men just people at my workplace telling me how great i look and asking me out on dates.. treating me way diff then they did a month ago.. and for most people they would think wow this is really nice i really like this new attention, but I am kind of irratated by it to be honest, it just makes me realize how sad this world is and how people judge you so much on your appearence and weight, i think the body image and losing weight will be a struggle for me when i get back out there and start dating again once i get to my goal weight, i dont know if i want attention, i am so used to not getting attention or people telling me i have such a pretty face if i only lost some weight...i dont know im just rambling..i just think this whole process will be a lot more difficult then i thought...and here i thought the eating would be the hardest..haha
IF anyone else is dealing with similar things I would like to hear your expereineces.
Thanks!!
Linds

raindrop · 12-29-2007, 07:34 PM

Hey Linds,

I have received lots of attention from friends and coworkers telling me how amazing I look, etc. I am married and haven't noticed any new attention from men. I have a hard time handling all the compliments. I just wish people would stop with one but, sometimes they go on and on and on...... I had no idea I would feel this way.

Weird! Goodluck on your journey and congrats on the weight loss to date.

RNY4me · 12-29-2007, 07:49 PM

I have felt the same way at times. I think it's all part of this amazing transformation-inside and out. I've run the whole gamut from being downright angry with all the gushing attention to being angry when no one seems to notice. Go figure that! I've also felt a sense of guilt over receiving attention for my weight loss (where does that come from??) to feeling ashamed because of how awful I must've appeared to everyone before. It's all part of the whole process and I just keep working my way through it. It certainly helps to come here to talk, we really do know what we've each gone through- at least the actual surgery and subsequent weight loss part anyway. I went to a therapist before my surgery and continue to go now, though less frequently now for many good reasons! It's something I have brought up many times at my appointments - and it seems all our feelings are "normal" - whatever normal is. We all probably have a love/hate relationship with attention and it's being magnified now. Keep working through it. We are losing and growing at the same time - hard work.

rrk · 12-29-2007, 07:53 PM

Get use to it. I am 4 years out and it still happens that I run into people from time to time and the weight comes right up. I guess it is different for women in a way, just remember that guy who was nice to you when you were large and don't become to fine for him later.

BlayPe · 12-29-2007, 10:50 PM

I haven’t had my surgery yet, but I have lost a significant amount of weight several times in the past, and in a way I understand what you mean when you say you start getting unwanted attention and then feeling disappointment in people, because they treat you differently. But I noticed something about myself, after I would gain the weight back, it was me that was acting differently, and so people were treating me differently. I would actually start dressing differently, putting on make-up; I would be more out going and flirt a little. I realized that maybe it was me that was actually keeping those guys away by the way I was acting before losing the weight. It’s funny thou because sometimes no matter how many times you might have learned the lessen it doesn’t seem to sink in.

Seven months ago I met this great guy, nicest guy you could ever meet, and he asked me out at my highest weight ever, 360, and I turned him down, I honestly don’t feel worthy. We have become friend since then and he finally stopped asking me out after I turned him down for the 100th time, and now that we have become friends he is telling me about going out on dates and I hate it, because I know I let him get away. He has been really supportive of me having the surgery and even that makes me mad, I keep thinking, ok, well if you liked me before why do you want me to change now. I really think I’m mental sometimes, but it’s hard to change, and I know once I get the surgery things are going to change even more, I just hope I learn how to deal with this changes, because if I don’t I’m going to end up in the same place as before.

Blay

Gina in NY · 12-30-2007, 10:35 AM

It is a vulnerable and annoying time. The better you look, the more people are attracted to you and the more you have to deal with. Some of us actually were heavy to avoid that attention.

In any case, I felt two faced saying, "Well they are superficial to pay attention to me now when the ignored me when I was fat" The fact is, I like men who are attractive too and I'll flirt with them. If a man is 400 pounds, I don't ignore him, but he'll have to work much harder to get my attention. It is human nature. So if you're annoyed, you can be annoyed, but being realistic can help you not hate the world for noticing you now and not before. They can't help it. You're beautiful, feel good and are attractive. This is what we wanted, right?

That said, you will start to build an armory of defenses, little catchy phrases etc. to get you through. You'll build up a wall of sorts. A list of questions, standards etc. that narrow down the field for dating, flirting, stay aways etc. Now I don't know if you were always heavy, but the first time the man you "couldn't get" before comes by - it could get ugly. Make sure you're firmly centered and know what you deserve. Don't settle - you don't have to. never did really, but it may not have felt like it. Be true to who you are now, not to who you were before.
My point is, you'll have more choices. Be careful. Many of us who lose the weight and get the attention go nuts. You have to evolve your head too - which is what you are saying you want to do - you're right. You have to find a balance and you will, just don't get swept away before you have acheived it.

That would be my advice anyway - it may be a crock.

anji · 12-30-2007, 11:15 AM

I lost a ton of weight with diet pills when they were still being prescribed in the 70's. I looked great. I turned heads all over town. I was very active in my town's theatre group, and tried out for a part in "The Sound of Music" (the countess that was in love with the father before Maria shows up). My best friend told me--"You look different, now, and you should have tried out for the lead. Everybody sees you differently now." WOW-- I thought, why? I could have played the lead when I was heavy-- my acting and singing talents didn't change-- but then, I didn't LOOK the part. We are starting a new chapter, and we are naturally going to experience new things. Just be yourself and don't fall for every line that the guys throw out there. Remember that now you LOOK the part of a beautiful, interesting person, even tho it was there all along. My rambling 2 cents worth.

Linds0514 · 12-30-2007, 11:28 AM

Thanks everyone!!

that is great advice from all of you and congrats to you guys on on your weight loss!!
...you are def right when you say that we are all human and its not fair to come down hard on people, I think we are all programed to judge others to an extent by their outward apperence, its sad that we do this, but im sure even i do it without realzing, and to be honest im no longer as upset about the attention i just ignore and focus on me, its not important what anyone else thinks..I am excited about this journey and cant wait to start my new life, until this point i feel like my life was kinda "on hold" but now i can start doing all the things ive been wanting to do!! Thanks again, ya'll are great!

~Lindsey

bigguy_132 · 01-01-2008, 04:21 AM

Lindesy,
I am in the same boat that you are. Except the attention is coming from women and co-workers. Not only that it is coming from people back home. I came home for Christmas break from school and that is all I have been hearing from people. I feel good but I am in the same boat that you are the extra attention and stuff freaks me out. I am doing the same though and just ignoring it. Because it does make me and and does go to show that this world is way to based on looks.