Asking a man out...2007? Lord help me. - ThinnerTimes

Gina in NY · 12-11-2007, 01:00 PM

Good God - I haven't asked anyone to "go out for coffee" or anything for about 16 years. How the hell do you do this? I'm trying to get myself a date for new years eve - but it feels like the hardest thing I've ever done! (Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic - the five miles on the treadmill today was most likely even harder)

Here is my thought - not to shock you, but there is this guy at the gym I get along with really well. Pretty good friend, honestly. He's been a sweetie to me since the first day I got there when I was 288! He's still a sweetie! He's also going to be entereing body building competitions...I won't say more there. He's been divorced twice, but I'm sure he's available (well - he was Sat. anyway) so I'm thinking of stopping by when he's working out (how obvious can I get since I won't be there to work out??) and saying, "Hey - what is there to do around here New Years eve? I haven't been single in so long, I have no idea what to do with myself?" and see where that gets me.

Does that sound too stupid? I mean, I just want a date - not a life time commitment...This is all so complicated.

grrrrr.....

nextbigloser · 12-11-2007, 01:10 PM

Being married for a couple of years now I don't know if I am the best to answer this. Don't sit around and wait for a man to ask you out. If you met someone that you might like do date just ask. The worst he can say is no. I would probably make small talk and ask him if he would be interested in going out some time. Then get his number and give him a call. Have fun and don't be nervous, after all he is only human.

CanuckDiva · 12-11-2007, 01:22 PM

Hi Gina,

Great looking new pic! Well, I'm divorced and have been dating my current boyfriend for about 21 months. However, there have been a few ups and downs and we did take about one month off. During that 'month off' I did some 'researching' into dating in this century... not because of the boyfriend but also because I had dated one man after the other (for months at a time) only to have most of the relationships fall apart. Obviously, I was doing something wrong or they were or it was a combination. So, I was advised to get a book called 'the rules' and truthfully it has changed the way I view dating.

I was once progressive and thought asking a man out could be okay, and I suppose it is if really all you want is that one date for NY Eve and are expecting no more after that. So, your stopping by the gym and asking him that question would be fine but in my experience it will be just that one date.

In "The Rules" they say that men want to be the pursuer, it's in their genes and taking the challenge away from them can be emasculating. Yes, I know it sounds old fashioned and I thought it was a bunch of hoke (I'm a feminist, afterall!) but truthfully, I've found most of what they say to be true. Since using "The Rules" my relationship is far more balanced and at least going in the direction that I want it to be.

So, sorry for the long answer but it comes down to Yes, ask him out if you just want that one date, No, if you want a future dating or other type of relationship with him. That's my advice, no matter how flawed it may be.

Whatever you do, enjoy NY Eve, you're looking great!!

Hugs,
Kimberly

Gina in NY · 12-11-2007, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nextbigloser

Being married for a couple of years now I don't know if I am the best to answer this. Don't sit around and wait for a man to ask you out. If you met someone that you might like do date just ask. The worst he can say is no. I would probably make small talk and ask him if he would be interested in going out some time. Then get his number and give him a call. Have fun and don't be nervous, after all he is only human.

Oh, I have his number. I know his daughters (sweet kids). I know his brother, sister and work with his brother in law and x-wife #2. It really is a little complicated around here. The gym community is small - tightly knit. That is what is making me nervous more than anything. I don't want to get a reputation for being, "on the prowl" because honestly, I'm not in general. Just for that one evening.

I'm not sitting home with the kids and my estranged husband, that is for sure!!

Gina in NY · 12-11-2007, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CanuckDiva

Hi Gina,

Great looking new pic! Well, I'm divorced and have been dating my current boyfriend for about 21 months. However, there have been a few ups and downs and we did take about one month off. During that 'month off' I did some 'researching' into dating in this century... not because of the boyfriend but also because I had dated one man after the other (for months at a time) only to have most of the relationships fall apart. Obviously, I was doing something wrong or they were or it was a combination. So, I was advised to get a book called 'the rules' and truthfully it has changed the way I view dating.

I was once progressive and thought asking a man out could be okay, and I suppose it is if really all you want is that one date for NY Eve and are expecting no more after that. So, your stopping by the gym and asking him that question would be fine but in my experience it will be just that one date.

In "The Rules" they say that men want to be the pursuer, it's in their genes and taking the challenge away from them can be emasculating. Yes, I know it sounds old fashioned and I thought it was a bunch of hoke (I'm a feminist, afterall!) but truthfully, I've found most of what they say to be true. Since using "The Rules" my relationship is far more balanced and at least going in the direction that I want it to be.

So, sorry for the long answer but it comes down to Yes, ask him out if you just want that one date, No, if you want a future dating or other type of relationship with him. That's my advice, no matter how flawed it may be.

Whatever you do, enjoy NY Eve, you're looking great!!

Hugs,
Kimberly

No one respects a man's natural nature more than me, trust me. That is why I'm going for subtle - well, I'm trying anyway. I want him to know I'm interested, but give him room to say, "Wanna go do such and such with me?" or he can say, "I have no idea - good luck" and I'll get the message.

My absolute terror is that he'll say, "Are you asking me out?" I don't think he would. He's really a great man - VERY funny.

Oy...........

racha9 · 12-11-2007, 04:15 PM

I have no advice, but want to wish you good luck in whatever you choose to do. Let us know how it turns out. I am, but I am not looking forward to this adventure.

Luna Lurker · 12-11-2007, 07:06 PM

Well, back in October 1983 I met this guy at my aunts' home. He was there to take down her screens and put up her storm windows. I was there to check out my cousins' wedding picture proofs. I was 30 and never dated much, can't remember meeting anyone like him before. He was such a gentleman--- he even opened the door for me!!

I ended up helping him with the windows. Over the following month or two I got to know him by seeing him at my aunts' (he was more of a help than her own two sons). I had a wedding to go to and really didn't want to go it alone so I called him and asked him if he like to go. I figured what the heck, if you don't ask you don't get answers. I didn't have any expectations of anything but a compainion for the wedding. I can say to this day, he is still a gentleman and we've been married since the August of '84.

Jeanie · 12-11-2007, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luna Lurker

Well, back in October 1983 I met this guy at my aunts' home. He was there to take down her screens and put up her storm windows. I was there to check out my cousins' wedding picture proofs. I was 30 and never dated much, can't remember meeting anyone like him before. He was such a gentleman--- he even opened the door for me!!

I ended up helping him with the windows. Over the following month or two I got to know him by seeing him at my aunts' (he was more of a help than her own two sons). I had a wedding to go to and really didn't want to go it alone so I called him and asked him if he like to go. I figured what the heck, if you don't ask you don't get answers. I didn't have any expectations of anything but a compainion for the wedding. I can say to this day, he is still a gentleman and we've been married since the August of '84.

What a great love story! I say ask him out. Why is it always the man that has to do it??

sdgrrl · 12-12-2007, 12:22 AM

Gina Sweetheart!
No wonder I haven't seen you on line in a dog's age. I remember you posting that you and DH were having trouble, and it sounds as if that is playing itself out. I know you're strong to be even thinking of asking someone out. I say, ask away! I truly don't think he will embarrass you by laughing so hard that all activity ceases in the gym. I bet he'd say yes. He would probably ask you himself but is afraid of stepping on husband toes.

I will expect a full report on the experience! (Have you got an idea of what you want to do on NYE? Got a killer dress to wear?) You'll be fine, Love!

Duckie · 12-12-2007, 01:07 AM

I say go for it! We have wasted too much of our lives overweight and miserable. Life is too short... grab life by the reins and have fun! (that's what I do now. lol) I want to hear what happens. Good luck!