Work Issues. Am I justified or over reacting? HELP!! - ThinnerTimes

Ruca · 10-02-2007, 03:10 PM

Ok so I am normally a very emotional person to begin with. Heck, I cry @ the star spangled banner *every time*

I don't know if I am over reacting here or if I am justified in being horribly offended and VERY pissed off. I adore and respect all my TT peeps so I wanted to get your opinions.

I am from Lakeside, and my husband is from Texas so that generally generates red neck jokes. Dave and I are pretty easy going and tend to find them funny in most cases. However, a recent situtation has me fuming and I just really don't know if I am being ridiculous to be upset.

Little back ground here first. My 14 yr old former neighbor came in to my house wearing shorty-shorts, sat down on my couch and proceeded to tell me she had chlamidya. I was like, oh hell no! Off my couch and out! Thats contagious and I am pregnant! I relayed this story the next business day to my co-worker who is the only other female in a small office of 3.

My boss obviously over heard because later in the day he asked me (and i thought he was truly interested) if I had any baby names in mind. I advised I did and he stated, "Oh cause I was thinking in light of your back ground if it's a boy you can name him Bubba-Ray and if it's a girl Chlamidya. That has a nice ring."

Now, I was offended but laughed it off. I should have taken the opportunity to say "Hey! Thats not ok." But I didn't. I sometimes still have that emotional burden/ accepting abusive comments mentality and think that its not ok to stand up for myself.

A few days later, he said the same thing to my husband. TO HIS FACE! Which really, REALLY made Dave angry. Out of respect for me he didn't say anything to my boss but he let me know when I got home how disrespected I should feel.

A few days after that he said the same comment to the owner of the building when he was collecting his mail. The owner looked @ me like, poor thing. I'm sorry.

Three days after that he said it to the Progressive marketing rep who just had a blank look on her face. She gave me a look of sympathy but he was completely clueless.

In addition, there was a recent blow up where my boss was screaming at me for a change that I didn't make to a policy because the insured is very volatile and tends to change his story often. i had advised him that we needed something in writing but he failed to provide it. Needless to say that situation escalated to the bosses desk where he proceeded to scream at me.

I asked him politely to please stop yelling at me so that I can resolve the issue. He then told me that its his office and that he would yell at me if he wanted to. There were other comments in his tirade but I wont go in to detail. Fact is he was really unprofessional and yelling at me.

I waited for the situation to chill and went in his office and shut the door. I calmly proceeded to tell him that I do not think that this job opportunity is going to work out for me. I advised him that I don't feel that I am as attentive to detail as he needs me to be and that frankly I don't feel comfortable working in this enviornment any longer. I also proceeded to tell him that I was upet with the fact that I can count on 1 hand (4 times) the number of times in seven months that he has expressed that I am doing a good job as opposed to the number of complaints that he has about my performance. (Daily)

I stated that I just didnt feel that this was a mutually beneficial relationship and that I would stay until he finds a replacement or I find another job that will meet my health insurance needs.

OH! The other thing! When he hired me we *agreed* that I would continue to pay $90 per pay check which is what I was paying @ the prior company. Once the insurance kicks in its now $162 per paycheck, over $300 per month which is ***NOT*** what we agreed to. I would have never left an HMO for a PPO with a $1500 deductible if I had known that he was going to do that to me. He pursued me, and my skills and I trusted that I wasnt going to get screwed over in the process.

When I reminded him that this was not what we had agreed to he simply stated, "If my wife knew that I was fronting your husbands insurance and not my 23 yr old son she would divorce me. Besides, Dave can get his own insurance. Thanks, but hes self employed which is why its *MY* job to carry our benefits.

So my boss attempted to diffuse my "This isn't working out" speech by saying you are just upset, lets talk about this on Tuesday when I get back from Palm Springs. Everything will be calmer after the convention and we can discuss it then. Well, He got back on Monday and has said NOTHING in reference to my
verbal resignation. He hasnt even acknowledged it.

So what I dont really know (and I contribute this confusion to the overwhelming hormones, the fact that I am physically and mentally exhausted) is if I am completely over reacting to the situation.

1) Am I justified in being pissed?

2) Am I justified in looking for a new job?

2b) Do I remind him that he needs to start looking for a replacement? (I guess this is contingent upon opinions relating to #3)

3) Am I delusional thinking that I am going to get a job with benefits @ 3 months pregnant? (Group plans in CA *cannot* treat pregnancy or maternal benefits as pre existing)

4) What would you do??

5) has this ever happened to you, and if so what DID you do?

I have never been one to walk away from a job voluntarily without another secured position but to be honest I feel abused and taken advantage of here. I really appreciate ANY feedback on the matter.

Lotsa love!

Ruca · 10-02-2007, 03:14 PM

Oh, and another thing.

Im not a fan of the whole "Hostile work enviornment" and/or "Sexual harrassment" lawsuits/arguments. I would never consider pursuing litigation as he is a nice guy but maybe doesnt know how to nurture an employee/boss relationship?

I dont know. Am I just making excuses to justify this behavior?

sierrab · 10-02-2007, 03:21 PM

what a jackass id be pissed too

Baron Patrick · 10-02-2007, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruca

Oh, and another thing.

Im not a fan of the whole "Hostile work enviornment" and/or "Sexual harrassment" lawsuits/arguments. I would never consider pursuing litigation as he is a nice guy but maybe doesnt know how to nurture an employee/boss relationship?

I dont know. Am I just making excuses to justify this behavior?

The guy is a pig and your making excuses for him.

Shooting his mouth off like that to virtually everyone about your condition and your husband is going WAY over the line. He has, in effect, created a hostile work environment, and sexually harrassing you - whether you agree with it or not.

You don't have to take any of that $@#t, and you are more than justified to file a complaint. Personally, I would be going for the jugular - regardless if he is a "nice guy."

I don't mean to sound harsh, but not speaking up is his que to think it's okay to tell jokes like that about you, and, as you have seen, he continues to do it.

C'mon kiddo, your better than that and don't deserve to be treated that way!

fisher1000 · 10-02-2007, 04:37 PM

Find a new job and get the hell out. The guy you're working for is an asshole and he's not going to change just because you told him how you felt. He's had his whole life to build up to acting the way he does and he's not going to change easily! (Meaning you might smooth over this current issue, but more will crop up as time goes on...)

There are WAY better opportunities out there where you don't have to put up with a lot of crap.

You deserve to be happy, especially with the baby coming.

-Mike

Cinerbelle · 10-02-2007, 05:12 PM

Okay...to play Devil's Advocate...I don't know this guy, but maybe he was just "trying" to be funny...obviously he wasn't funny, but maybe he cracks himself up....still not appropriate for the boss. You are justified to look for a new job no matter what the situation is, if you're not happy go ahead and look...it can't hurt. I would have gotten a new job years ago if I could find one that pays even close to what I make, has the flexibility that my current one does and has the 3 weeks of vacation that I get...oh, and all of that would have to be in Temecula.

Duckie · 10-02-2007, 05:40 PM

He's an ass. GEt out of there.

Alleusion · 10-02-2007, 06:31 PM

Tammy honey, get the hell out and fast!! He's lied to you, justifying it later. He's verbally abusive. There are laws in California against this kind of thing. Heck, I mentioned to one person I worked with that someone else was making comments that made me uncomfortable (I switched departments and the guy was in my old department) and suddenly there was a huge HR thing.

Anyways, you do NOT need this stress. Not with the baby and all. It's not healthy. Remind him he needs to find a replacement and start looking for a new job. As a last resort if you can't find a job with amazing medical benefits, or if the job has a waiting or probation period for benefits, there's always medical....if you qualify.

Let us know how things turn out.

MiladyB · 10-02-2007, 07:45 PM

Tammy, I'm with everyone else. This guy was TOTALLY out of line in more ways than one and if that isn't enough he has basically broken a contract with you. I don't think you are blowing this out of proportion and you are making excuses for him that he doesn't deserve. Remind him about your resignation and start looking for another job!

JMHO

coptergirl · 10-02-2007, 07:50 PM

Okie dokey - you pissd off the HR chick...not YOU personally honey, but the whole situation. I am not good at the quote/reply thingie and making it look pretty, but my comments are below in bold (I practiced HR in Cali for 3 years and am now in NY). This is from me...a family member as well as my background:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruca

Little back ground here first. My 14 yr old former neighbor came in to my house wearing shorty-shorts, sat down on my couch and proceeded to tell me she had chlamidya. I was like, oh hell no! Off my couch and out! Thats contagious and I am pregnant! I relayed this story the next business day to my co-worker who is the only other female in a small office of 3.

My boss obviously over heard because later in the day he asked me (and i thought he was truly interested) if I had any baby names in mind. I advised I did and he stated, "Oh cause I was thinking in light of your back ground if it's a boy you can name him Bubba-Ray and if it's a girl Chlamidya. That has a nice ring." This is harassment - he had no business making fun of your background or where you are from - that is just plain rude, offensive, and unprofessional. Take this to HR immediately and file a complaint. This behaviour cannot be tolerated. On the second name...he didn't even have the whole story strait or he would have known it didn't apply to you...and even if it did it is just still obnoxious and offensive. Unfortunately chlamidia isn't a protected class like ADA (which YOU are protected under due to the fact that you are pregnant).

Now, I was offended but laughed it off. I should have taken the opportunity to say "Hey! Thats not ok." But I didn't. Yes, honey - you should have spoken up then and there and then documented your comversation because the verbal part coming up is what could have been nail number two in his coffin in court.

A few days later, he said the same thing to my husband. TO HIS FACE! Which really, REALLY made Dave angry. Out of respect for me he didn't say anything to my boss but he let me know when I got home how disrespected I should feel. Ditto my comment from above, and smart of your hubby to not have said anything, although he would have every right to since it was said directly to him.

A few days after that he said the same comment to the owner of the building when he was collecting his mail. The owner looked @ me like, poor thing. I'm sorry. Ditto

Three days after that he said it to the Progressive marketing rep who just had a blank look on her face. She gave me a look of sympathy but he was completely clueless. Ditto

In addition, there was a recent blow up where my boss was screaming at me for a change that I didn't make to a policy because the insured is very volatile and tends to change his story often. i had advised him that we needed something in writing but he failed to provide it. Needless to say that situation escalated to the bosses desk where he proceeded to scream at me. This would have had me in HR demanding an investigation into his abusive behavior. They have a volatile man on their hands here, and from an employers standpoint, they need to be very careful with you because you are in a protected class under the ADA while pregnant...for all they know you could deem his behaviour as discriminatory basd upon the fact that you are PG (please get the underlying implication here!!!). If I were their HR, I would have a serious talk with this man to inform them of how much of a liability he is

I asked him politely to please stop yelling at me so that I can resolve the issue. He then told me that its his office and that he would yell at me if he wanted to. There were other comments in his tirade but I wont go in to detail. Fact is he was really unprofessional and yelling at me. Ditto to above...gee - would they want you out on extended leave under Workmans Comp because one of their employees placed undue stress on you and your baby?! These are idiots you are dealing with!!

I stated that I just didnt feel that this was a mutually beneficial relationship and that I would stay until he finds a replacement or I find another job that will meet my health insurance needs. Thats awefully nice of you considering all the crap he has been putting you through. Document all of the above situations with dates and times, and take it to your HR department in your exit interview if it comes to you leaving.

OH! The other thing! When he hired me we *agreed* that I would continue to pay $90 per pay check which is what I was paying @ the prior company. Once the insurance kicks in its now $162 per paycheck, over $300 per month which is ***NOT*** what we agreed to. I would have never left an HMO for a PPO with a $1500 deductible if I had known that he was going to do that to me. He pursued me, and my skills and I trusted that I wasnt going to get screwed over in the process. Did you get any of this in writing? If not, if what he is charging you is what everyone else is charged due to company policy, then even though you agreed verbally and he is not honoring his agreement by being a thug, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on in a court - if you have something in writing, then yo're golden for them to reimburse you any extra monies unduely paid. Otherwise, chalk this up to a lesson learned to get everyting in writing and to document everthing on the job to CYA

When I reminded him that this was not what we had agreed to he simply stated, "If my wife knew that I was fronting your husbands insurance and not my 23 yr old son she would divorce me. Besides, Dave can get his own insurance. Thanks, but hes self employed which is why its *MY* job to carry our benefits.

So my boss attempted to diffuse my "This isn't working out" speech by saying you are just upset, lets talk about this on Tuesday when I get back from Palm Springs. Everything will be calmer after the convention and we can discuss it then. Well, He got back on Monday and has said NOTHING in reference to my
verbal resignation. He hasnt even acknowledged it. PUT IT IN WRITING if you're serious.

So what I dont really know (and I contribute this confusion to the overwhelming hormones, the fact that I am physically and mentally exhausted) is if I am completely over reacting to the situation.

1) Am I justified in being pissed? Absolutley

2) Am I justified in looking for a new job? Absolutley

2b) Do I remind him that he needs to start looking for a replacement? (I guess this is contingent upon opinions relating to #3) No. If he gets a letter from you staing your last day and does nothing about it, tell him to grow a set as you walk out the door.

3) Am I delusional thinking that I am going to get a job with benefits @ 3 months pregnant? (Group plans in CA *cannot* treat pregnancy or maternal benefits as pre existing). Employers cannot discriminate against you in the hiring process if you are the most qualified candidate - if you keep getting turned down, it may be the reason, but you will never know for sure (vague documention etc). As for the insurance, if you find a job, the insurance would have to cover you under a group plan after the waiting period that everyone else has anyways.

4) What would you do?? No comment - I think you already know

5) has this ever happened to you, and if so what DID you do?

I have never been one to walk away from a job voluntarily without another secured position but to be honest I feel abused and taken advantage of here. You are.I really appreciate ANY feedback on the matter.

Lotsa love!

Please understand that my harsh tone is not directed at you, sweetie, because you are the ones whose rights have been violated. I am not an attorney, but any good labor law attorney would see the discrimination in this and it would make for a good case, and your employer just doesn't get it. I implore you to either write your letter of resignation and get it in right away, or to go to HR and persue this if you chose to stay. Please remember for future though to document everything to the point of being anal.