How to reassure significant other? - ThinnerTimes

Nette72 · 05-16-2007, 08:31 PM

Ok, I don't know what to do anymore with my husband. He is so worried that once i have this surgery and loose all this weight that I am not going to want to be with him anymore. I can't seem to make him understand that isn't the case. He says "you don't know what the new Ronette is going to be like".

I am so tired of hearing from him and I keep telling him how much I love him and he knows this and he really loves me alot, but I just feel like he is worrying for no reason. I married him, we have been together for 15 years and have 2 wondeful kids (3 & 1). I don't want anyone else, I want to be with him. We have been through hell and back and survived, yet he thinks we won't be able to get throught this. Well he hasn't actually said that, but he just keeps saying that I am not going to want to be with him once I loose weight.

What can I do to make him understand? Has anyone else been through this and if so how did you handle it?

I am so lost, I just want to slap some sense into the man.

chilmoe · 05-16-2007, 08:42 PM

sorry you are going through this hun

i hope he gets over this soon as i would hate to see this issue put you over the edge and begin to put strain on your relationship

i have no advice, just hugs, not sure what else you can say, other than just reassure him everyday, and have been active in your journey, going to the gym together or whatever exercise you choose, have him healthy like you, just involve him in it whatever which way would make him feel comfortable, but most of all just keep talking about it and loving him like you do.

Nette72 · 05-16-2007, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chilmoe

sorry you are going through this hun

i hope he gets over this soon as i would hate to see this issue put you over the edge and begin to put strain on your relationship

i have no advice, just hugs, not sure what else you can say, other than just reassure him everyday, and have been active in your journey, going to the gym together or whatever exercise you choose, have him healthy like you, just involve him in it whatever which way would make him feel comfortable, but most of all just keep talking about it and loving him like you do.

I keep trying, but it gets so frustrating. I know he loves me and I love him, we are both very committed to each other. I don't know if he is scared or what. He really wants me to have the surgery and he has been a good support system for me, except for this comment of his.

I have always said I don't understand why he is with me when he can get someone else who is "skinny" and prettier but he always tells me he loves me and wants to be with me. Well why can't he understand that from me?

I don't want this to put a strain on our relationship. It wouldn't be good for us or the kids.

Princess · 05-16-2007, 09:11 PM

My husband was terrified of me having the op done, which was going to be done Sept 2005, so I told him I would not cancel but postpone so it gave him and I time to get our heads around it. This time around (May 2007) we were prepared as we talked and researched and he met a friend of mine who was nearly a year out. He was still a bit quiet and upset the night before and definately apprehensive on the day but as soon as he saw me come around he was a changed man. He always said he'd rather have a fat wife that a dead one! Things are great now, he understands why I needed to do this to get my self esteem and health back in order and hopefully curb my temper a little!!!

coptergirl · 05-16-2007, 09:38 PM

Some guys just need more assurances than others because deep inside they are insecure. Just keep reassuring him through this so thet he knows your words and actions match. He will come around and be your number one fan.

Nette72 · 05-17-2007, 07:24 AM

I will keep reassuring him, but it sure would be easier to just slap him up a little and try to knock some sense into him..

LisaM · 05-17-2007, 09:17 AM

At least he's being honest! If his feelings are out there in the open, you can deal with anything. And plus, it's not magic (though it is mildly miraculous). You don't lose the weight overnight. It takes about six months (ish) to lose 100 pounds, and another six to eight months to goal weight, if not longer. So, he's got six months to a year to treat you like a princess and help you fall in love with him over and over again.

The trend on post-GBS relationships seems to be that if they're shaky before surgery, GBS has a tendency to add to the problems. If the relationship is strong before surgery, it will be strong afterward. And it sounds as if you have a terrific relationship. I was married 25 years before the surgery, and it will be 27 years in July.

Just a comment, and very much my personal opinion--you don't say how tall you are, but 180 might be a wee bit high for a goal. We started very near the same weight, and I set my goal at 150 (I'm 5'2" tall) and exceeded it a bit.

Nette72 · 05-17-2007, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LisaM

Just a comment, and very much my personal opinion--you don't say how tall you are, but 180 might be a wee bit high for a goal. We started very near the same weight, and I set my goal at 150 (I'm 5'2" tall) and exceeded it a bit.

We do have a strong relationship, it just keeps getting better. Heck if you would have know us when we first got married you would have never thought it was going to last, the first few years were hard for us. I can't count how many times he packed his stuff up. I moved out and went to college for a couple years and then there was other fun things we had to deal with but we fought and got over that and now we are stronger.

My goal of 180 is high, I really would like to be 150 or lower, I didn't want to go to low and not be able to accomplish it. My PCP asked me when I first started this journey what I would like to be at and I said 150, he told that was good but if I got to 180 I should be happy. Trust me I don't want to settle but I figured with my bone structure/frame that I wouldn't get any lower than that.

I am 5'6, current weight is 313, need to change that in my signature.