3 jokes - ThinnerTimes

mauldinmama · 03-29-2007, 09:52 AM

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a
beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying:
"Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter at Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks
him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and
the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says
okay, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his
glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a
belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls
out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did
that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the
Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he
said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and
heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and
the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over
the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the
computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the
nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load.
So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts
blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer
comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."

"Well, sure,"said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."

=============

In the Hospital a man is lying in bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A

young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash
your hands and feet"

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one
hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says,
"There's nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice

but, are... my... test... results... back?"

========================

this is priceless!!!

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night at a business
function. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. Next to
them is a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of
him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is
in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes
the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in
the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is
on the stove, I left early to go shopping Love you!" He stumbles to the
kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last
night?" "Well, you came home after 3am, drunk and out of your mind. You
broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when
you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so
clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your pants off you screamed "Leave me alone lady, I'm
married!"

Broken table- $585.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud - $3.00
Two Aspirins - $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time - Priceless

hummingbird5953 · 03-30-2007, 08:24 AM

Leesa,
I LOVE the one about the married drunk! Thanks for the laugh...the insurance company is driving me crazy, it's been one of those days and I needed to smile!