SweetP

Members
  • Content count

    1,258
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

About SweetP

  • Rank
    Senior Member
  • Birthday 04/29/1970

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Elk Grove, CA
  • Age
    41

Information

  • Surgeon
    Dr. Fisher
  • Hospital
    Kaiser, Richmond, CA
  • Height (ft-in)
    5-02
  • Start Weight
    290
  • Current Weight
    124
  • Goal Weight
    130
  • Body Mass Index (BMI)
    23.4
  • Surgery Date
    11/25/2009
  1. Pre-Op marriage counseling?

    Thanks to you both. I'm still rather bitter with him because it seems that things still end up coming back to me that I have to deal with (lawsuits, etc.) and his family seems to stalk me and randomly "pop" up. And sadly I'm sure that I am not the only one in situations like this so if I can help anyone I'm here - that's why I put it out there. It takes the shame of it all away.
  2. Pre-Op marriage counseling?

    Thanks. And let's just say that after everything he put me through I didn't shed any more tears for him and felt just huge sense of relief when I got the call that he was gone. We were still technically married at that time because I couldn't find him to finish the divorce so I no longer had to deal with that either. I know I sound cold and heartless (and I probably am) but it was seriously just a relief. Let's just say that funeral was interesting.
  3. Pre-Op marriage counseling?

    I think you have hit the nail on the head with your assumptions. I was a divorce statistic. We actually both went through the whole process together and had WLS a month apart from each other. I had dealt with a lot of things with him prior to surgery but I felt that he was the best I could find. But then he seemed to get worse and I was starting to finally feel a lot more confident and realize that I didn't deserve the treatment I was getting from him. We would probably have made it longer but my ex was also an addict who really struggled with his recovery (one of my biggest fears of him having the surgery was getting the pain killers and I was right). His addiction became more out of control than I had ever seen and when he couldn't get the drugs he turned to alcohol (I had never seen him drink) and that made him become violent. So after dealing with that all for another year I finally got out and started rebuilding my new life. I can say that I have never been happier. After doing some growing and figuring out what I wanted I eventually found the man of my dreams. My ex on the other hand continued to go downhill and eventually destroyed his life. Had I stayed any longer he would have killed me - I have zero doubt about that.
  4. Started dating a WLS gal, any advice?

    I applaud you for wanting to find out from us anything that might be useful. I also applaud your recovery. I'm not sure what kind of health issues she may have since she had a reversal, but I would assume since she has had two major intestinal surgeries she may have some potential issues with digesting things and has a higher probability of other intestinal issues, but that is a guess. I think your biggest challenge will be the psychological issues. Again I'm going to just assume since I don't know - she probably was heavy at least most of her life and had lots of issues with that which caused her to have the WLS in the first place. The surgery and losing so much weight can then mess with the mind and we find ourselves changing a lot. Again since I don't know why she had the reversal I have to assume it was because of medical issues (she may have lost too much weight, or there were complications with the surgery which caused it to fail) - and that would have probably messed with her mind quite a bit and maybe felt like a failure once again. Now she has gained weight back. She more than likely has many unresolved issues and should probably get some counseling if she isn't already. I'm going to say this and some will agree and some will not. I would say that most of us who have been heavy most of our lives have deep seated issues that we haven't dealt with and we are addicted to food. We use it to make us feel better when we are happy, upset, sad, mad, whatever. Like addicts we know it is making us feel terrible about ourselves and it makes us sick, yet we will sit down and eat a box of cookies while crying because we are fat. Food addiction is as real as drug, alocohol, gambling, etc. addiction. The problem is that everyone has to eat to survive so it makes it very difficult. After many have had WLS we have fallen into what is called transfer addictions - we suddenly shop beyond control because suddenly things fit and we feel good, one drink can get us drunk because we metabolize it so much different and many fall into alcoholism. This is because we can no longer use our drug of choice - food - to make us feel better so we need to find something else. This happens when we haven't faced what the original issue(s) was in the past. Sometimes even if we think we have dealt with it, things can sneak up on us. Some are going to vehemently disagree with me on all of this and some are going to cheer me on. I'm not here to argue, I have my opinion and you were asking for advice. Basically, tread lightly and realize that she may have some issues. You are in recovery so hopefully you can understand how she may feel. But I wouldn't put pressure on her to confront her issues until she is ready too. Like an addict - you can't force them to get help until they are actually ready to. Good luck!
  5. Dating as a thin person?

    I think most of us have these same thoughts when we start receiving attention from strangers or friends after we lose weight. Such as I'm the same person as I was so why are you looking at me differently now? First lets just get the obvious out there - a lot of people aren't attracted to fat people. Is it fair? No. Is it right? No. Is it the truth? Unfortunately yes. Secondly - when we start shedding all of this weight we are often times also shedding other things such as past baggage, our non-confidence, our battered self-esteem, etc. Now I'm not saying that all overweight people are like this. There are so many who were confident and knew that they were sexy even at their highest weight and I applaud them for that, but let's be honest once again and confess that most of us weren't. As the pounds were melting off we were probably holding our heads up a bit higher, put more thought into how we were dressing, doing our hair and make-up (ok at least us girls), and making eye contact with people. As we got a bit more good attention we no longer were as quick to try and melt into the back wall - we were feeling more self-confident and wanted to be more part of the crowd. This more than likely didn't just come from losing the weight. This came from the therapy that many of us did in conjunction with the surgery, and we were starting to feel that we could voice our opinions and maybe let those people who had been bullying us or treating us like crap know that we weren't going to take it anymore and started cleaning house. All of these changes do actually change our personality, believe it or not. We feel like we are the same old person just lighter weight, but more often than not we have changed a lot. We have become stronger, more self-confident, and less-willing to be treated like a doormat. These things make us hold our heads up higher and take a bit more pride in our appearance and it shows to others. That's what people find attractive. It's not just the appearance but it is all those other things that we start gaining as the pounds start dropping off. Does that make sense? And remember - I didn't say every single one of us felt that way - but from all the time I have been on here and doing other research, I feel pretty comfortable saying that it resonates with a large majority.
  6. Seven days away from divorce

    Sorry to hear that you have joined the club - but at least you are 75% happy. I can tell you from my experience, while it was terrible going through it I came out 100% happy eventually. Hang in there and know that you aren't alone and if you need a place to vent this is the perfect place for it! Big hugs!
  7. Pickles, yet again...

    The morning radio show I listen to has a segment about drinks every week. There is one drink n particular called a "pickle back" where you do a shot of Jameson's Irish Whiskey with a chaser of pickle juice. Everyone is in love with this drink (I have not tried it) and it so popular that the radio show has developed it's own pickle juice that they sell (no pickles, just a jar of juice) on line (the top guy loves to cook and they have developed some bbq sauces, rubs, a brine for turkeys that sells out every holiday, and they have a couple cookbooks).
  8. Did I get asked out? Warning LONG

    I totally endorse the on-line dating. You can pick and choose who you want to be in contact with. It really helped my self-esteem when I'd get messages and I was able to practice flirting. I will warn you that some of the guys will go overboard with asking for pictures, etc. Those guys I would immediately block. That was the beauty of it. I could control what I wanted to do. I met up with some once I felt a little bit more comfortable with them (always at a Starbucks - but not the ones I that I normally went to near my house or work - and someone always knew where I was, etc. for safety). Many times it ended at that first meeting, but there were a few that progressed to a few dinner dates, which again I was able to practice my new dating skills. I made myself a promise that I would not compromise on certain things and as soon as someone hit one of those red flags I was out. I ended up meeting my husband on Plenty of Fish (free website, but I had also paid for Match.com at one point). I weeded out a lot of guys, and kissed a few frogs but I can honestly say that he is my Prince Charming. We've been together for over 3 years now and on June 27th we will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary. I'm not saying that it is easy - but it was the best way for me to practice my non-existing flirting/dating skills. Good luck with whatever you do!
  9. Did I get asked out? Warning LONG

    The more you flirt with others the easier it will become. Join some on-line dating sites and have some fun. You can flirt with them before you even meet in person - if you ever do. I can tell you that they were confidence builders for me because I had never been flirted with before because I was always heavy and had been married for a long time. I was coming off of an extremely bad divorce and its what I needed. And I agree about the young dude. He had flirted with you for so long and you never responded. He probably started feeling safe flirting with you. Now you have started respond and he may be just as nervous as you. Don't stop, but give him some time too.
  10. Did I get asked out? Warning LONG

    I say to flirt with him a bit and nothing ventured nothing gained. I think, like the other poster said above, he might be suddenly confused. He has flirted with you forever and you have brushed him off and then suddenly you contacted him. Just be yourself. He seems to really like you for you. And now that you guys don't actually work together then what's the harm. Flirt, go out for a drink, have fun at the wedding, hook up. Whatever you feel comfortable with. And like said above - it doesn't matter if he's the rebound guy or the 30th guy after the divorce. You never know what is going to happen. Have fun and live life to the fullest!!!
  11. Today was supposed to be my day..

    So sorry this is happening to you. I also had my surgery delayed because of an abnormal EKG reading, which they didn't even notice until I was doing my pre-op the week before surgery. Because this surgery is considered elective they double check everything. I had to do a stress-test and they determined that everything was okay and my surgery was done about week later because I pushed them to do the tests quickly. Hang in there and keep the faith!
  12. Is it hard to date after wls??

    Just go out and have fun. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I did a lot of Starbucks "dates." A lot of them ended there because I got a weird vibe or I just wasn't interested or maybe they weren't interested in me. I also had plenty of second, third, fourth, etc. dates. It was fun and each time I learned something new about myself and what I was looking for in my future. And then my prince charming showed up and swept me off of my feet.
  13. Is it hard to date after wls??

    Here's my story - I split from my then husband about 2 years after having WLS (we both had it) and I didn't want to date anyone in my social group or work. I didn't go to church, bars, or other stuff so I did the on-line dating thing. I decided to be up front from the get go. Before I actually met anyone in person for a meet up we would talk for quite a while first. Of course they had seen the pictures that I had posted and I looked rather good in clothes but I had lots of sagging skin, and was not comfortable in certain items of clothing much less without anything on. Before we would actually meet up I would tell them that I had a few things to let them know for full disclosure and honesty because I didn't want to meet someone and really like them if they were going to run away. The first thing I would say was that I was technically still married, but that was only because I wasn't sure where my ex was to finalize the divorce and that there was no fear that I was going back to him. That was because I had a no-contact restraining order out on him because he was very unstable - but that unless our dates were going to be at homeless shelters, homeless camps down by the river, or such that it shouldn't be a problem, though I couldn't assure anyone's safety if we were at my house because he knew where that was. Now if those two things hadn't scared them away yet - I had one more thing to tell - I once was 300 pounds and while I might look good in pictures, that there was this thing called extra skin that I had to deal with and then would tell them to think of a deflated balloon. I did all of this with a sense of humor and am not sure if they took me seriously but I was. The reactions weren't bad at all. I only had a couple guys express concern with the first two issues, and I think one who seemed to be grossed out about the WLS. That was his loss. I actually had several guys say that they had friends who had the surgery, or a family member, etc. and they were proud of how much I had accomplished and then would start asking questions about it. I'm not sure how old you are and how old of guys that you are interested in, but I was 42 when I was starting this new dating thing off and I was interested in similar aged or older guys. It might be that they were more mature. Not sure. But I was shocked by how well they all dealt with it and how supportive they were. I did a lot of dating for a while because I never really had done much and I wasn't going to settle on someone unless they were everything I was looking for. I found him 3 years ago and we were married last June. Basically, I was happy with the way I went about it, but then again I'm pretty open about my WLS and not everyone is. Good luck!!!
  14. At least he is generally supportive. You have to decide if this is really a game changer for you. Hopefully when he sees how much healthier and happier you are then he will see how this is a positive for him and be more supportive?.?
  15. It is ultimately for you and you should be proud of yourself. But I have a question - is he generally supportive of you in other things?