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About LittleStar

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  • Birthday March 2

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  1. Hi everyone thank you for all your support I read all the comments on my last post I'm still not sure how to reply to individuals yet. Unfortunately I am currently losing my job. After giving years of my life to a company I am being bullied out of it and threatened. I have contacted my Union and things are going forward there. Though even if I do get to keep my job I don't know how I am going to work their with people making my life hell. So for the past three months this has been happening, I've been eating A LOT. Just so I can cope. But every time I eat something I get a snarky remark of what are you going to do when you get the gastric bypass you won't be able to eat that! At which point I wanna say really I never knew? in a sarcastic way. I get peoples concern. But the whole reason I am getting the bypass is because I have a problem I'm at my biggest. And I don't have any will power atm. Saying that after people have been going on I am trying to eat less. Though it feels pointless because with out surgery I know I can't do it on my own. I'm stuck at the beginning. My appointments at the end of October and I don't know if I should start dieting or keep going as I am. It's so hard especially with the stress all I want to do is eat. I look in the mirror see that I am getting bigger and bigger and almost feel like it's too late now. I wish I could get surgery soon that I had a goal something to look forward to. Maybe losing my job will be good maybe moving in with in laws would be upsetting losing my flat. But at least I'd have somewhere to recover while having surgery.. I don't know.
  2. So first bit of good news I finally got to go to my doctor appointment and my doctor has NO problem referring me to a team of specialists right away. It isn't going to be massively fast he said but he referred someone earlier this year and they are very close to the process of having surgery. I am really shocked he was so OK to refer me I heard story's of people being told they where not fat enough and they where bigger then me. So I was very worried I would get turned away. Apparently he said I should more then qualify well he didn't say it like that he was being very polite but I got what he meant. I'm so excited the ball is now rolling. I wish I could jump right in and have surgery next month and then part of me is panicking about stupid things. Will they let me have the gastric bypass or try and force me to get my stomach stabled. Will I die in the operating room? Will I be able to eat chocolate again. Is the sleeve better or is my stomach acid too bad? Will I be able to stay vegetarian on the diet they give me? So many questions. In any case I'm glad I've taken this big step. The reason I even considered this after condemning it for years is because of Boogie he's a youtuber and he has always been a source of life inspiration to me. I thought maybe the loose skin would be worse then being fat but I've followed Boogie and his health problems and seen what the weight has done to him. I though he was so brave for going for surgery and that he really needed it. It's only when I gained two more stone and felt crippling pain in my lower back I realized I needed it too. Boogie has such a good support system with his wife and family it's another reason I told myself I couldn't do it, I didn't think I had a support system. Not only did I find this forum when I opened up to my family about it they started bending over backwards to help. Even my wife who I know is worried about surgery and gets very worried about me has been fully supportive. If you're here because you're thinking about WLS I recommend checking boogie out. I've been in a dark place the past few months about my weight. And I found the youtuber really really helpful because he was someone I watched before he decided to get surgery. It made me feel very differently about it that it wasn't this easy way out or treatment that had a huge percent of failures. Or as dangerous as people make out. Though I know there are risks I think staying as big as I am is an even greater one.
  3. wow the difference is amazing!
  4. Battle scars! You can do it!
  5. Thank you everyone you are all so lovely I already feel at home!
  6. Hi there everyone, I'm going to go by the name Star here because I don't want anyone to recognize me on here from another site. This is something really personal for me and for now private. I'm so embarrassed about how big I am I haven't even put my height or weight I am sure I will once I have had the op and I feel like things are moving a long. I've been thinking about this operation for a few months now it is something I would never dream of considering before. I always felt like I could just diet and the problem would go away. 6 years on and off dieting and I am the heaviest I've ever been. Walking long distances is hard. And I am in A LOT of pain most of the time. I have m.e which doesn't help matters but since I gained the last three stone I have been in agony. I can't do this anymore. I loose motivation because when I loose a lot of weight I don't see it I just become a slightly smaller blob. Which is so unmotivating. I live in the UK and here if your fat and you go outside people yell things at you like fatty or will even drive past you and shout things. This happens while I try and loose weight and I feel like even after I loose a lot I'm still fat enough for people to do this. I feel like with the gastric bypass or sleeve I can stay at home. Hide, recover and get my life back. I can hide away as long as I need too minus work and notice a difference. When I go outside I may still be fat but hopefully I will have lost enough to feel less pain making everything less painful. I don't blame anyone else for my weight but myself. I feel weird and I like I need to share something. Did anyone or does anyone feel really small even though they are big. I often forget I am a big person and feel A LOT smaller then I am. I feel little. I am only 5'2 but when I see photos or look in a shop window I see this huge oger thing looking back at me. And I think where am I? that's not me. I've noticed this is how other people see me this way too and all they do is talk about my weight at times. I want people to see me, the real me this fun small bubbly person who is very loving and happy. Sorry huge introduction. I'll try again. My name's Star I've been fat all my life, and I'm sick of it. My first doctor's appointment is Monday where I am going to ask about getting refereed for weight loss surgery. And I'm so excited.