Mentally, physically and emotionally over the course of the last year I have taken a lot of time preparing for this surgery. I have created a book to journal my eating, experimented with various recipes using protein powder,and even taken into consideration that I need some savory to go with all the sweet of protein powder shakes. I have dishes that are the size of a serving and baby spoons to make it easier to take the right size bites. Chew, chew and chew some more is the most common advice. Been practicing taking sips vs. gulps (hard to do!) I feel ready on this front. Still waiting to hear if I will be doing a pre-op diet! My surgery is scheduled for June 9th. There’s just one caveat; the insurance approval. This has put me on tenterhooks and I need to vent some.
I’ve had bi weekly therapy visits and lots of consideration to my emotional preparation. Being chronically depressed, it is exhausting dealing with it day in and out. It is carefully managed through medication, my psychiatrist and therapist. Most days I’m stable (YAY!) I find myself worrying that post-op I won’t be able to take the meds or that the configuration won’t work any more and I slip into being chronically depressed again. I’ve addressed this with my doctor and he says not to worry, it will be fine, but part of me wonders.
I’m already battling a feeling of “Is this all there is?” as I care for my special needs child, who’s now 14. Frustration and exhaustion as we move into her teenage years seem to be the most prevalent feelings. Not sure who is growing up more; me or her? Two years ago I hit the wall and had to stop being supermom or die. I was so exhausted it was causing chest pains and heart problems that landed me in bed for two months. Sleeping mostly. I still have trouble getting through the day without a nap.
During this period I wondered what if my weight was lower? Would I be in the condition I find myself in now? I pondered if it would be possible that I could have more energy and feel well with WLS. So I sent an email to my PCP and asked. He did not hesitate. So the process began and as it did I made a few interesting discoveries. One was that I am anemic and it was a big contributor to my exhaustion. This has me worried post-op and I know I will have to keep an eye on it forever. Second I realized that I’ve been trying to lose the same 70 pounds for the last 25 years. After I sat down and wrote out all the diets I’ve been on and all the workout plans I’ve done I’m amazed it hasn’t worked! Thirdly I discovered this is the best option to “cure” my diabetes, which is controlled but I always run high. It is a side effect of the medication I take for depression. Not being diabetic would take the strain off my joints and my internal organs for sure.
As the date draws nearer and I anxiously wait to hear if I’m approved or not I am more and more convinced that this is the best path to take. My mother is my biggest critic and my father is my biggest supporter. My boyfriend is trying to take a helping position and doing his best to be supportive. Reading the posts in here has made a real difference. Put some of my fears to rest and raised more questions to ask of my doctors. For that I thank everyone on the site!