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About lightenupwoman

  • Rank
    Senior Member

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  • Gender


  • Surgeon
    Dr. Morales
  • Hospital
  • Height (ft-in)
  • Start Weight
  • Current Weight
  • Goal Weight
  • Surgery Date
  • Surgery Type
    Vertical Sleeve

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  1. Please also measure your hips, waist and bust. Sometimes when I had stalls I would lose around my waist but be the same weight. You just never know.
  2. Middle school is the Tuesday of motherhood

    And sixth grade is the most Tuesday of middle school. At least for me it is. Tuesday has been shown to be the most depressing day of the five day work week. On Monday you are kind of still in the weekend feeling, trying to get back into the week. Tuesday is the day you are furthest away from the weekend mentally. Wednesday is hump day, you feel like "ok I'm halfway done, I can get through this!" I keep wondering why this is so difficult. I remember the days when she had tantrums, I had to change diapers, I never slept through the night and I think this can't possibly be more difficult than that was can it? Oh but it is. I don't know why, but I'm trying to break it down without revealing too much about my daughter. Because I'm not allowed to talk about her in public because it might embarrass her. So not only are we going through hard times, we aren't allowed to talk about it in public because' I'm not allowed to even look like I'm close to doing anything that might resemble dancing anywhere. So I do it anyway because you know, she was ten days late and she didn't sleep through the night until she was five, if I want to dance a little to a good song in the Walgreen's, she can deal with it! Also now she is highly aware of everything I'm doing. It's annoying, to be honest. When they are younger they have no clue what you are doing in your personal life and they don't care. She's so nosey now, and I have to be so aware of everything I'm doing. It sucks to be honest. But I have to because I need to be a good role model. And she wants to bake all this sweet stuff, which is great. But at the same time, when she was younger I could control what food came in the house, and now it's like I'm a horrible person if I tell her she can't make cookies. I mean I'm the one who had WLS. I don't want her to feel like I'm forcing her to eat like me. She wants me to bake with her and I'm like "I had weight loss surgery, I have no interest in making things I can't or don't want to eat." I'm proud of her because she is so good at it, but again she still needs help. And she's learning how to cook, which again is good but it's like she's not able to do it on her own, so I have to help her. It's like she's this mini adult who is trying to learn so many things, it's this exhausting stage where she wants to be independent in so many things, but dammit, it's not like learning how to put a puzzle together or something, she could burn the damn house down. As it is, every time one of us cooks something that has a lot of steam in it our damn smoke alarm goes off and we take turns fanning the broom under it. I think we need to ask the landlord for a new one that doesn't go off from steam. It shouldn't be a steam alarm. And then there's social media, and her phone, and there are times when I look at her phone, and she gets this look on her face of fear. And I say "What are you doing?" and she acts like she's doing something she shouldn't be doing and ends up having a damn melt down over it. Then it turns out it was actually NOTHING. Like literally NOTHING. She just doesn't want me looking at her phone because. And I try and try to explain to her she should have no sense of privacy on her phone and I'm sorry but I have to be able to look at it sometimes because this world is crazy, and I feel like I'm going crazy trying to keep her safe while she naively assumes I'm insane. It's like she's a toddler again, when I felt like every minute of her life she was trying to kill herself. Anything she could put in her mouth went in her mouth, anything she could climb, she would climb, it was like she had a death wish. I used to have to lock the bathroom door from the inside to keep her from going in there. Then I had to unlock it from the outside with a cut wire hanger. We had baby locks on all the cabinets, we had gates at the bottom and top of the stairs. One day I looked up and she had climbed up the side of the stairs, the inches that were on the outside of the railing. It's amazing to me sometimes that this girl is still alive. She's not a dare devil anymore thank god. But then I come home the other day and she's outside playing with kids. It's the first time she's done that since we moved here and I think "yay!" But then I realize I don't know who these kids are and I don't know their parents. I don't know what to tell her, how far away can she go with them, is the dog going to keep her safe? I tell her not to go into anyone's house without asking, I don't know who these kids are but at the same time I can't keep her in a damn padded cell until she goes off to college. And she just decided to cook eggs one day while I wasn't home even though I told her not to use the stove, but she was fine and nothing bad happened. So I don't know, what the hell am I doing right now? And she goes through times when she is so hormonal and crabby, and I'm probably perimenopausal and she's probably going to get her period soon. She would die if she knew I was talking about this with anyone because Also I'm not allowed to see her in any state of undress whatsoever even when trying on clothes in a store, which is great because if I'm not in there with her she takes FOREVER because she dances around and fools around and acts silly and loses track of what she's supposed to be doing. And god forbid she should see me in any state of undress ever, like if I'm getting ready to go to work and she just comes in my room she will get upset with me for not being fully dressed. Excuse me? This is my room. Oh she also loves to come in my room and snuggle, and then she wants to sleep with me again sometimes, which is cute but sometimes I just want to be alone. And she has issues with her friends, and they fight like middle school girls do and she wants to tell me everything which is great because I'd rather her tell me too much than not enough! But after a while it's the same damn little fights and I just want to say "Then don't be friends anymore!" And I remember my mom used to just say "go play outside! I need some peace!" and we would gladly go, and just be out all evening, and my parents had no idea where I was until it was dinner time and then we came in, ate dinner, maybe did some chores, and went back out until it was night time. They didn't entertain us or worry about our socialization or anything. No wonder parents feel like we are going to lose our damn minds sometimes. Anyway she drives me nuts but I love her! I just really wish I could say I enjoy every day and that we have this amazing time together but lord god, some days.....
  3. Also I would check with your doctor (I just have to say that) but milk thistle really helps with liver function. I felt so much better when I was losing when I was taking it. Your milage may vary.
  4. Other than AA are you doing anything else to heal spiritually? I know for a lot of women drinking and addiction is about unresolved grief and pain. I'm not so sure for men, some start out of lack of entertainment, boredom, just trying to party with the guys, some do it to cover up PTSD. Do you know what started you with excessive eating and drinking? Fifty days is amazing! You are doing so well! If you don't feel like eating, to me that almost sounds like depression. You should be past your initial physical withdrawal symptoms I would think at fifty days. So not wanting to eat, that sound like grief and depression. Do you think you are grieving the foods you loved? The feeling of being really full, of sharing food with other people? It's really hard but even if you don't feel like eating please have protein shakes or protein drinks. You are going to lose muscle, you are going to lose your hair, your skin is going to get dry, you are going to make yourself sick if you don't eat anything for days at a time. I'm not trying to scare you but as a recovering alcoholic your liver is already strained, and when we lose a lot of weight the liver has to do a LOT of work, and most of us already have a lot of toxins in our fat cells that the liver has to process. If you don't eat anything you aren't providing your liver with any support to help it. At least please take your vitamins, drink your fluid, and get some protein shake in you! I'm not trying to judge you, lord knows my history is crazy too, I can't even get into it right now but I am not judging you at all. The other thing is if you aren't eating enough, aren't taking our vitamins and you already have a history of alcoholism you are at high risk for several nutritional deficincies that can cause major depression and cravings. Have you talked to your surgeon or your general practitioner? I would highly recommend seeing if they can run a nutritional blood pannel to see if you are low in any major vitamins. Sometimes just being low on D or B12 can make you feel like complete crap, and they can give you major amounts to take to catch up. I know sometimes I forgot to take my calcium and I get really low and then I take it and I feel so much better. Please hang in there and keep on with what you are doing, and talk to us!
  5. Good lord! I can't believe it! Congrats!
  6. Amazing! Keep up the hard work!
  7. Good for you! That's amazing, keep on keeping on.
  8. I literally was so confused because I thought you were supposed to be another person in the photo, I couldn't even see that the man in both is the same person! Holy wow. You look so much younger and happier!
  9. Also you say "now nothing", but you don't say how long it's been since lost anything. Stalls happen and they suck. Also are you exercising more than you used to?
  10. I'm a sleever but I would gain weight on 100 carbs a day. To me that's insanity. I don't know you even would get that many carbs in while getting in that much protein. I can eat the same amount of calories a day but if too much of it is carbs, I start to gain immediately. Maybe post a day of your intake and more wiser people can help.
  11. Definitely ask your surgeon. And if he says he lost one, he should be able to tell you why, was it comorbidities? I went through the same exact thing. My daughter's father has been iffy on and off and so I definitely want to live a long life for her. But I was so scared I would die on the table. I finally did more research into my program and the surgeon and talked to him, and he made me feel so much better. Just think of all the fun things you can do with kids when you are lighter! And you will be a good role model too. A few weeks before my first surgiversary, someone close to my family had a heart attack in her thirties and died. She had two kids who lost their mother to obesity. It just hit home for me that I had done the right thing. It was so damn tragic.
  12. I can imagine!
  13. Good for you! Congratulations! I know what you mean, the fact is that matching lifestyle and health are important to me. I won't apologize for it ever.
  14. Has anyone tried this?
  15. I sure am doing that! I just can't imagine putting up with yet another person's needs, wants, issues, inlaws, exes, kids, etc etc etc. Nope.