• Announcements

    • John

      Community Guidelines   09/15/2015

      A reminder that we have a general set of guidelines that are available at http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/guidelines/. If you have any questions or concerns, you may express them to me or a Community Leader directly. Thank you,
      John Callery

jenn75

Members
  • Content count

    1,166
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About jenn75

  • Rank
    Senior Member
  • Birthday 11/04/1975

Profile Information

  • Gender Not Telling

Information

  • Start Weight 240
  • Current Weight 168
  • Goal Weight 150
  • Surgery Date 01/29/2009
  • Surgery Type
  1. Me and Boyfriend 4.5 years

    From the album 4-5 years out

  2. Me 4.5 years

    From the album 4-5 years out

  3. Losing weight is just one piece of the puzzle

    Another important thing I wanted to state in my original post is that I allowed being overweight/obese to become the "theme" of my life, so much so that I lost myself somewhere within the layers of fat I put on. I lost direction, I lost passion, I settled for "ok" relationships, I chose "safe" over taking risks in life, simply put, as I like to call it, I was living in the gray. No real highs, no real lows, just playing it safe, not standing out in anyway, no chances taken, no disappointments because I kept expectations of myself very low.
  4. Losing weight is just one piece of the puzzle

    I don't have mixed feelings, there were more positives than negatives for having had the surgery in my case. HOWEVER, I do believe that based on my own struggles mentally that there should be more emphasis placed on the reasons we are obese in the first place and working through some of that at the same time we are even considering to have the surgery. For some, yes, the surgery is sort of an immediate, more urgent medical decision, but for most, it should be taken more seriously and a lot more mental preparation and exploration of how we ended up in this predicament before we lose all of the weight. Most insurances require a 6 month diet...I think programs in general should require therapy of some sort. Some will probably say they don't need it, but quite frankly, there are a million reasons we are overweight and genetics and body chemistry/physical conditions are only ONE...the rest are very much mental/emotional. You're lying to yourself if you don't think there are deeper emotional reasons that have contributed to your obesity (not you specifically, SueM, I'm speaking to the YOU...as in whoever reads this).
  5. I've been doing a lot of work in therapy, and I've turned a corner of sorts, realizing why the work we've done hasn't "stuck". I posted the following in Socialize, too, to hopefully reach out to others: My therapist and I have finally touched on many issues that supercede eating/weight. I started off seeing her for overeating that has crept back into my life post-surgery (albeit not as bad as before surgery, but still, emotional eating, etc. has re-emerged). After many months of working on eating with a cognitive behavioral approach and becoming very disgruntled that for whatever reasons I have not implemented many changes around eating/food choices, I have finally come to the real root of the issue (some very dysfunctional thought processes that have only harmed myself along the way, and don't have ANYTHING to do with food)...and it's going to be a lot of work, but I know if I don't move forward I will continue with dysfunctional eating/coping skills. We have been talking a lot about this in therapy, how eating and obesity is a symptom of something much more destructive, and that overeating is the outward presentation/dysfunctional coping skill I've adopted to sort of use as my scapegoat for those deeper issues. Losing weight is just one piece of the puzzle. I always thought that losing weight was the answer to all of my problems...for years I just sort of sat in some sort of limbo state, telling myself that if I just lost weight then my problems would go away. I waited with such anticipation for the gastric bypass surgery, thinking that my life would never be the same...it would be what I always dreamed it would be. But I now know 3 years post-op that it's not even close to the truth. The surgery has given me so much that I couldn't have achieved otherwise...I know that. But what I haven't given myself, even with all the incentives and WOW moments that come post-surgery, is permission to finally be myself and not compare myself to others...something I've done my whole life, and as a result I never embraced what I DID have, only what I lacked in life, which only held me back from so many things in life. That is NOT something that weight alone did, but my own feelings about myself. I wanted to share this with others who are thinking about the surgery, and to those who already have had it. Again, losing weight is just one piece of the puzzle. There is not one simple answer to what ails us, even weight loss. Losing weight can lift us up to a much better place to help us address the real issues, and that's where I'm at now. I wish you all of the best in this journey, and the journey does not stop at your goal weight.
  6. My therapist and I have finally touched on many issues that supercede eating/weight. I started off seeing her for overeating that has crept back into my life post-surgery (albeit not as bad as before surgery, but still, emotional eating, etc. has re-emerged). After many months of working on eating with a cognitive behavioral approach and becoming very disgruntled that for whatever reasons I have not implemented many changes around eating/food choices, I have finally come to the real root of the issue (some very dysfunctional thought processes that have only harmed myself along the way, and don't have ANYTHING to do with food)...and it's going to be a lot of work, but I know if I don't move forward I will continue with dysfunctional eating/coping skills. We have been talking a lot about this in therapy, how eating and obesity is a symptom of something much more destructive, and that overeating is the outward presentation/dysfunctional coping skill I've adopted to sort of use as my scapegoat for those deeper issues. Losing weight is just one piece of the puzzle. I always thought that losing weight was the answer to all of my problems...for years I just sort of sat in some sort of limbo state, telling myself that if I just lost weight then my problems would go away. I waited with such anticipation for the gastric bypass surgery, thinking that my life would never be the same...it would be what I always dreamed it would be. But I now know 3 years post-op that it's not even close to the truth. The surgery has given me so much that I couldn't have achieved otherwise...I know that. But what I haven't given myself, even with all the incentives and WOW moments that come post-surgery, is permission to finally be myself and not compare myself to others...something I've done my whole life, and as a result I never embraced what I DID have, only what I lacked in life, which only held me back from so many things in life. That is NOT something that weight alone did, but my own feelings about myself. I wanted to share this with others who are thinking about the surgery, and to those who already have had it. Again, losing weight is just one piece of the puzzle. There is not one simple answer to what ails us, even weight loss. Losing weight can lift us up to a much better place to help us address the real issues, and that's where I'm at now. I wish you all of the best in this journey, and the journey does not stop at your goal weight.
  7. work for it? share what you do

    I will share this...yes, I actually lost faster/more weight when I slacked off and stopped exercising. Is this the way to go? NO! I should have taken it more seriously because now I'm over 3 years out and don't do a thing and I know I need to. I've also gained 30 lbs back, so don't learn from me. Start incorporating exercise into your life ASAP so that you build new habits that stick. So now I'm starting from square one where I could've been ahead of the game.
  8. Seriously, January is the last time I was here? Hmmm. Namaste123, thanks for the post. I know...what are we rebelling against???? I am checking in I guess. I just want to put the disclaimer that I really just use this for my journal, and that I don't expect anyone to respond to stuff, because I don't really read and respond to other people's threads and therefore I don't think it's fair to others. I am still in therapy. I have made some progress, just not a whole lot with the food/eating thing. I sort of came to a standstill with that. We were working on a step-type cognitive behavioral program, and I have managed to stray away from that around step 9. Something is not letting me truly absorb and apply what we've been discussing in relation to food. I have made very few changes. I'm very disappointed in myself about that. My mom had surgery in March, I moved in with my boyfriend in March. Lots of changes, lots of pathetic excuses to not do the work. But, I have made other realizations during my sidetracked therapy sessions. I have fear...fear of trying new things. I knew this, but I never really talked about it that much in depth as I have lately. So, all along, I've been waiting for things to seem easier to take on, somehow I thought that losing weight was the answer to getting rid of the fear I have about trying new things and getting a life. All of my fears are stupid...I create the dumbest reasons ever not to try things. I always told people I was dating and on dating profiles that I would always try anything once. Yes, that is true, but only if I have someone there to try it with. So, I've allowed myself to be at the mercy of others. If they don't have an interest in something, then I don't try to do it myself. So, I've just been sitting around, missing out on interests and such because I have no one to do those interests with. I do stuff that my boyfriend and friends like to do, but as far as pursuing my own individual interests, there's always an excuse. I also identified that my passion in life is to teach. Well, I already am into my career and I feel a little stuck and not sure how to branch out into teaching/how to incorporate it into the experience I already have. I decided to apply for a job to teach at a community college - just a class - not as a full-time job. I was so excited the day I submitted my application...something allowed me to ignore the fears and the excuses I've always came up with. Now, I have yet to hear from them, but I'm glad I at least applied. It was a huge step for me. Plus, just today I was looking for jobs internally that might incorporate teaching/training people. I ended up talking to the manager of our training department because there is a job opening but I'm sort of over-qualified for that specific job and it may not be as rewarding as I'd want, plus I already make more than the salary max for that position. He and I had a nice long talk and we go way back and his wife also works here and she and I are tight...she's the one who hired me 8 years ago. We both were on the same page about training ideas for our internal staff, something that is lacking currently. He agreed with all of my ideas, but of course has limited resources to incorporate them. So, even though I may not get a real position doing that stuff, he wants to use me as a resource to offer certain trainings to staff. It's getting my foot in the door, even if it's not an entirely different job. I would be sort of like a "contributing" staff member for specific trainings...no new pay or anything. I told him I was going to talk to my supervisor about this idea so I could add it to my goals for my current position. I think my supervisor would like it if I did this, she's all about education, etc. I just have to make it somewhat pertinent to my current position. Also, I have a fear of doing any type of public exercise, especially joining a gym or exercise class because it's new and I have to do it on my own. Well, I finally did that, too. I went to my first hot yoga class last night. I liked it, and knew I would, I always liked the idea of it and used to have some DVDs so I know what it's all about. Pretty much once I go the first time, my fear is usually completely gone. The fear is not about failing at something, either. It's just about how I'm perceived by others, and fear that I make an idiot out of myself. So, I'm over another hurdle. Now I'm not quite sure what to do about therapy, but my motivation to address my eating any further is pretty much gone. I guess I'm going to discuss that tonight since I have a session scheduled. I feel like maybe I need to postpone/put off any more therapy, because I feel like I may be wasting my time, and also feeling like a failure at the moment is not how I want to be feeling. We've discussed that the past few sessions but I need some sort of decision made as far as proceeding on with the steps of treatment or just taking a break for a bit. We shall see. I moved a LOT further away from my therapist so I think that is also decreasing my motivation level to go.
  9. Yeah, I watched part of the one 600 pound life episode...the guy came home after they cut half of his body off from the excess skin and all of his family members were sitting around stuffing McDonalds in their mouths. I didn't watch the whole episode but that was really telling I thought.
  10. Tomorrow night's intervention appears to address one of the dangerous issues we may or may not have to deal with post-op....cross-addiction. Turning to other negative behaviors to replace eating...in this woman's case it's alcohol. It's on Monday night on A&E.
  11. I've googled this topic and have found a little bit on this, a few stories here and there, but lower back pain isn't really listed as a side effect of getting the depo BC shot, but quite frankly, I feel that it's the reason I started having lower back pain after just waking up one day...and have had it on and off for the past 6 months. I was just wondering if anyone else experienced lower back pain and may have attributed it to the depo BC shot?
  12. Hey all, thanks for your encouraging words! I did not continue with the jiu-jitsu due to lower back pain. I did purchase a Wii and the Wii fit plus. Not saying that that's going to give me everything I need as far as exercise, but it's sort of motivating me to do more and more as I use it and I do work up a sweat and it's fun. I also decided that I am not going to continue with the Depo Provera birth control shot. I am quite certain it did make my hunger increase when I started it. I am not totally blaming it for my weight gain, but I do feel it is somewhat responsible for my increased appetite...especially b/c once I started on it I would wake up HUNGRY...RAVISHED...and that's never been like me. I also have lower back pain and although it's not really given as a main side effect, I do believe it's from the shot somehow, and I did read similar accounts online re: lower back pain and the shot. I'm also concerned about the bone loss that is a known side effect, and it's twofold b/c I had the surgery also...and I just don't want to risk my future health for this. I talked with my boyfriend...well, I texted him about my concerns and how I want to try something else. He really liked me being on the shot b/c it is one of the most effective forms of BC out there. There are many advantages of being on the shot...like no periods, no PMS, no buying tampons, etc. But, I can't get rid of the idea that it's making my health decline. So we're going to discuss other options. I'm glad he's being so supportive about it. It shows how much closer we are and how much more he trusts me with this topic...which has always been a very touchy subject for him. I have been going to therapy once a week. I'm currently in the process of identifying all of the ways that my destructive eating will cause a million other problems...and I've mapped out all of those problems on paper. I'm not currently in any sort of "action" phase where I'm supposed to implement anything per say, but just by identifying a lot of my distorted ways of thinking and all of my excuses for resorting to food is making me think twice about some of my habits. It also helps that we've started our annual weight race at work so I'm hoping to get my motivation up with that...I weigh in tomorrow...dun dun dunnnnn. Not going to be pretty.
  13. I've had some time to think on the jiu-jitsu classes, and well, it's just not something I'm willing to spend so much money on. I would have to buy the outfit, which isn't cheap, and then spend a lot on classes which only meet once a week. I could spend money on joining a gym which I could go to as often as I want and not spend nearly as much as I would with the jiu-jitsu classes. I'm glad I went and made myself try something new, but it's not cost-effective for me at this point. I feel like an idiot for telling people how much I liked it and that I'm going to stick with it, when I've decided not to, but at this point in my life it's not about disappointing others, only disappointing myself, that counts. I know I have to do something...I can only fit into one pair of jeans now, and I'm not going to buy more or buy a larger size.
  14. Thanks ladies. Yes, it's pretty frustrating. I just emailed my brother about it all, just to share the burden with someone. He doesn't see them as often, but perhaps he has a more open relationship with my dad b/c they hunt together and such. I'm not expecting him to have any advice or ideas on what to do about it, but I wanted to let him know how miserable it is right now. So much for a happy retirement for them.