• Announcements

    • Community Guidelines   09/15/2015

      A reminder that we have a general set of guidelines that are available at http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/guidelines/. If you have any questions or concerns, you may express them to me or a Community Leader directly. Thank you,
      John Callery


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Phoenixfire

  • Rank
    TT Master
  • Birthday 09/11/1970


  • Surgeon (Ret.) Alan Newhoff, Phoenix, AZ
  • Body Mass Index (BMI) 19

Phoenixfire's Activity

  1. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Has anyone talked to Phoenixfire lately?   

    Bridget sent me a text awhile ago and told me this thread was here. So I'm posting just out of courtesy and not because I'm active here.

    The reason I left is very very simple.

    Native2U (Val) and her "husband" (spitfire or whatever names they used) drove me away.

    Their "innocent games" were outrageously wrong, rude, disrespectful and horrible. They ruined my sense of honest trust here. Big wakeup call.

    Those of you who supported them won't agree with me and I don't care.

    I have no desire to engage here, or to argue or defend my feelings and the resultant choice, I'm just responding out of respect to those who HAVE respect and have been supportive to me.

    I DID post awhile ago that I was leaving. People taunted me with they typical "oh you say you are leaving...just leave!" So I did let you know. And NO, I do not have a Facebook account.

    Peace out.

  2. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Finding the me in Mel   

    STFU and stop it.

    Are you really going to invest a whole lot of time doubting yourself? I know, we all do it if we are caring parents, but it's not a road you want to wander down at all. Yes, you HAVE done the best you could. And if you didn't? #%$...is it going to change anything NOW? Nope.

    Teen girls with single moms are a unique lot. There is a HUGE minefield of mistakes, problems and horrors that can happen. The key, in my opinion, is nonjudgmental communication. (see above)

    So cut that *&^% out. Suck it up and tell yourself you have done your best. And resolve to learn all you can, absorb all you can, listen to all you can, and work your hardest to be the best mother you can to this girl you love.

    Nobody else will love her like you do. Now is the time when she needs to see you as a role model in your relationships with men. She will learn from watching you and how you allow men to treat you. If you demand they treat you well, then she's going to see that's what SHE deserves in a relationship.

    I'm in the same boat, and my girl is 7 years ahead of yours. She is a monogamous young lady who chooses not to use drugs or drink (anymore-she tried them of course). I wonder about my kid's ability to take care of herself in the real world, because frankly she is going to have it hard, but you CAN make a difference here. And you'll probably find that some of your biggest @~$&-ups were the moments when she learned the most.

    While she's becoming a young woman you are the one person she is going to model her relationships after. That is if you are open about it. Otherwise she'll rely mostly on her friends for examples of relationships. And that's a pretty crappy role model isn't it? Keep this in mind while you figure out which man is good enough to deserve a relationship with you. I don't hear you phrase your dilemma that way and I wish you would. Because the fact is you have got to learn to qualify your buyer! If you don't then neither will she. And you DON'T want that, I know this already!
  3. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Finding the me in Mel   

    One of the very WORST things that we can do as parents is to forbid the kid from seeing someone in particular. It's always a bad bad choice for many reasons! I know it's too late now but please re-think that and try to rectify the situation. Nothing will make her want him more than to be told she can't have him in her life. And she WILL have him in her life because they go to school together.

    I feel for ya, and I remember all the stages we went through over the past 5 years. Sometimes are much harder than others. I'm proud of the job I've done, even though I didn't do it perfectly, and I didn't manage to keep a father in her life forever, and she has made some bad mistakes...in the end I know I did the best I could. And you need to remind yourself of that. Give yourself a little break and step back and think about how you want to approach this whole freedom situation with your girl. It's a big issue and these girls are very sensitive about us moms right now. It's in your hands how things will go with her for the next few years. If you need some input on a game plan let me know. I haven't done it perfectly, but we HAVE come quite a LONG way. And right now, as she will be 18 in December, we are close. So that means somehow I did things right enough that she WANTS to stay at home after she's 18. At one point she wanted emancipation. So you can see we've come a long way baby!

    Seriously, don't ever ban your kid from seeing someone. It's a lose-lose situation. And you can't control it anyway. Those situations you can't enforce the control of are always massive FAIL.

    P.S. She's normal. But things CAN be done so that she isn't lying to you (very much). The key here is to eliminate any of your judgmental nature toward her. If you are judgmental then she will pull away BIG TIME. That's a tricky thing to manage, but trust me...you have GOT to get ahold of the communication without judgment or she won't bother to talk to you about birth control. And you do NOT want her to be unprotected in that area. It's a point of pride in my relationship with my girl that she was using birth control before she had sex the first time. And she's stayed on it. With no prodding from me. I count that as a success. Some may judge me for that but I don't care. It's what is right for me and mine. And she isn't a unemployed single parent hooked up with some loser who impregnated her!
  4. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic I'm on Amazon!   

    Hey way to go! How did you handle the publishing end? Did you self-publish? How about the editing? Did you work with a house that had an editor and publicist to get it on the shelves? Is it distributed in big numbers?

    How exciting for you! I'd like to learn about how your process went, so if you could PM me I'd be ever grateful. I'm not on here much so I'll probably miss your reply here.
  5. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Need help!!!   

    Oh Greg, good lord...you're thinking of "one last hurrah" is the minefield of failure. Come on. Haven't you had ENOUGH hurrahs already? Isn't that what landed you where you are?

    There are 100 excuses we can tell ourselves. None of them help us succeed in maintaining long term weight loss.

    If you have that "all or nothing" thinking then you will continue to fail. This is not a black and white thing. It's gray. You aren't going to do it perfectly. That's not the goal. The goal is to do it AS CLOSE TO PERFECT AS YOU PERSONALLY CAN GET!

    Trust me. I've got 5 years on you. And I have succeeded in long-term maintenance. I hope you really can hear what I'm saying and that you don't get your dander up and be all defensive about it. This advice is what you need to hear, whether you realize it or not.
  6. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Need help!!!   

    Wow, you've really screwed the pooch haven't you. Ugh, I'm sorry you've got such a big amount of work ahead of you. From what I read it sounds as if you never did reach your goal weight or an ideal weight with a HEALTHY BMI (that's the key). Did you initially take off all the weight you needed to, and did you get your body to a BMI that is in the normal range? If not then you've got A LOT of work ahead of you. Because you've missed the window of time when you can potentially lose the most weight.

    Look, after 7 years of going up and down in my own weight, I can tell you that the problem is you haven't decided to diet properly. You haven't been willing to eat right, in the right portions and the right foods. Plain and simple. You haven't given up the goodies well enough to succeed in maintaining your weight loss. The tool hasn't failed you, you have failed the tool.

    But it's never too late. Yes, the 5 day pouch test can help you get kick-started. But the bottom line problem is that you haven't used your tool to the most of it's ability. It sounds like you have found ways to "eat around the surgery" and that's where you need to start your work. It ain't easy but it IS possible. If I can do it so can you!

    Find your surgeon's meal plan that you had after surgery. If you don't have one then go here and use this information:



    Then start measuring ALL of your food. Every day. Every meal.
    Gradually cut out ALL the useless crappy carb calorie-laden foods (if you're eating them-I'm convinced you're eating those crappy foods.
    Cut out all alcohol (if you're drinking).
    Cut out all soda (if you're drinking)
    Make your diet ALL ABOUT PROTEIN.
    Eat a lot of salads with zero calorie dressing.
    Exercise EVERY DAY. Start little if you need to, but start moving your @*# now.

    All of those things there are the things you KNOW you're supposed to do. Right? I mean you do know what you need to do, how to diet right? If you don't then hurry up and read a lot here to get a grip on how you're supposed to eat after having weight loss surgery.

    Then start doing it.
    There's no magical shortcut when it comes to using your pouch after surgery. It's just makes thing easier than they were without the pouch.
  7. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Deborah's so called life....   

    You put a big smile on my face. I've started accepting offers to date. Feels good, especially now that I have CHOICES. You will too my dear. Enjoy this friendship and if it turns into more then you enjoy THAT too!
  8. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Before you have surgery   

    I don't agree with you AT ALL jersey. Sure, she is sharing negatives of WLS but she is doing an INVALUABLE service by posting these truths about surgery!

    There is room at the table here for ALL who have had WLS, whether they have complications or not.

    I for one come here just for that purpose...to LEARN about complications.

    When you are 7 years out you may think more like I do. Or you may never think this way. But I am FIRMLY in the camp that thinks WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE GETTING SURGERY and altering their bodies. Some people should NOT have surgery, and if Grace's posts scare people well GOOD.

    People should have more respect for the process that is permanent weight loss surgery.

    She is not fear-mongering here. What is the difference between what SHE posts and what I post? I post stuff like this all the time because I'm down the road, I know how bad things can get, I've been around the block, and I have valuable information to share. So does she.

    Grace, Keep posting.
  9. Phoenixfire added a topic in Socialize   

    Which internet chat program do you use the most?
    Hope this makes sens, it's 3:00 a.m. and another sleepless night!!

    I haven't chatted online in forever, but I want to, so I need to know which chat programs to you use the most with people you know? If I'm going to start chatting with someone new, which program is most likely going to match someone else's chat program?

    I've used "Trillian" before, it's a program that combines all of your chat programs (like AIM) into one program so you can chat on 4 different programs at once, but I just don't know which chat programs to install before plugging them into Trillian! If you haven't tried Trillian, it you WILL like it! Trust me, it rocks.
    • 9 replies
  10. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Mistymee...aka Kel's story...   

    Kelly she's right.

    Defensiveness isn't really being defensive in the mind of the person being defensive. (God that sounds confusing...) What I mean is that if Person X is told to stay away from bread at 6 weeks postop, and Person Y tells them to STAY AWAY FROM BREAD at 6 weeks postop, then Person X will think Person Y is attacking them and is a total dick. But Person Y has seen Regain the Demon (see below) and has seen all his gross features and is cautioning Person X about how Regain the Demon works. Of course Person X is going to get mad and think "oh, I'm not doing anything wrong. That Person Y is a radical food nazi and is mean for telling me to avoid bread at 6 weeks postop." Defensiveness is a guarantee for stumbles on the road to success with your pouch. And hell if we don't ALREADY have guaranteed stumbles ahead!!!

    Only when we're further out and have SEEN and CONQUERED the demon of Regain can we really claim success. Oh, yeah, don't know if I've shared this before, but I HAVE stared down that demon I call Regain. You might have seen him too?

    Regain the Demon: has ears shaped like folded corn tortillas, squinty little rice ball eyes, a big Oreo cookie mouth, scrawny little spaghetti noodle arms, and Ritz cracker nipples on his big old chest in the shape of a slice Wonder Bread.

    That Regain Demon sneaks up on ALL of us at some point. And until you've stared that bastard down yourself you don't believe you'll be one of those failures. Because (hopefully) everyone is aware they can be a statistic of failure.

    Failure comes in so many different flavors...and I hope that no matter what the degree is that we stumble that there is ALWAYS hope for us. Maybe not to forever live "at goal" or forever be "skinny hot" but to at least be at a healthier BMI than we were before we rewired our innards.

  11. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Mistymee...aka Kel's story...   

    Dear boy, you speak as though I don't already possess such garments. I'm happily the Alcohol Cop because I HAVE been there. Done that. Got the barf covered tshirt.

    Kelly, whenever someone is defensive then (to me) it means our words have either hit home or one day those words will be recalled and useful to the listener. I try to use humor to defuse defensiveness. But sometimes nothing helps. It's okay...I'm still going to be honest and try to impart some knowledge that can help somewhere along their journey!

    (I suppose I could just be psychotically delusional though...)
  12. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic I am New! Help!   

    Welcome to TT! You've found the best internet site for WLS education and support! There's so much information here that you could literally spend DAYS reading it all, and you just might!

    There are a lot of experienced and caring people here, and there's bound to be someone who can help you with your specific questions. We look forward to getting to know you, and best wishes on your journey to better health!

    When welcoming new members I like to help by supplying links that you can always come back and find here on your thread. These links are to some of the forum's most useful threads, and many are stickies, so I know you'll benefit from them:





    [url=http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/4-years-post-op-gb/]4 Years Post-Op (GB) - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass and Lap Band
  13. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Roux n Y reversal   

    It's amazing how many people think "oh that will never happen to me" when they read the statistics of complications!

    You're fortunate to have found the treatment you did, even if it took so long, and that you've recovered a larger part of your health. I hope you continue to gain back more and more health and that you are completely healed from the effects of the bypass.

    Thank you for coming here and sharing your experience. We ALL need to know the dark side of WLS!
  14. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Eating at Subway?   

    If you wanna look as FINE as me then do what I did: eat NO bread, rice, pasta, crackers, cookies or potatoes for THREE YEARS. Just a suggestion. YMMV.
  15. Phoenixfire added a post in a topic Roux n Y reversal   

    Glad you changed your post and took your number out.

    Can I ask if your doctors were able to explain to you how gastric bypass caused your neurological conditions? What was the name of the condition you had? Was it neuropathy, or something related to diabetes perhaps? Like diabetics get neuropathy due to poor circulation. And they get feet problems and others that sound like your conditions. Were you diabetic before surgery?

    Also, what was your BMI before surgery? Did you have co-morbidities before surgery, and have they come back since your reversal? I'm becoming convinced that anyone with a low BMI should NEVER have bypass, and when people have complications like yours it makes it even more obvious that it ain't worth it for people with low BMIs to have bypass surgery!

    I'm especially curious about your situation because I'm having CNS problems. This month I'm going to be seeing a neurologist, endocrinologist and a couple other specialists, while also having an MRI and CT scan and numerous other tests. My pain management doc is convinced I have a neurological problem because of my symptoms.

    I just want to know how the doctors knew FOR SURE that your bypass caused these conditions.

    Also, were you taking all the supplements of vitamins and minerals that we need after our surgery? I didn't know so I didn't take any for years. Now I know, but it might be too late to fix some situations I might be in but don't know about yet.

    Reversal is not called for in my situation, I just want to make sure nothing else goes wrong AND that I get treatment for what IS wrong right now!