JiggleyPuff

Hi Everyone ~~ I am still pre op and in the process of getting all the screenings and doctors exams done. I am still having a lot of difficulty with my husband listening and supporting this.

I posted a thread titled Opposing Spouse and your advice to me was to educate him. I took this weekend to try to do that. He sat quietly and listened and at the end said, "you still know how I feel, it is too drastic of a move, just eat less and exercise more."

Brigham Womens Hospital has an excellent Live Operation for Lap Band procedure on the internet and I wanted him to watch it with me but he said no. What do I do at this point?

To give you a little history of my husband and I~~ We have been best friends since the forth grade. We have a wonderful life and two great kids. We have traveled the world and have a very health marriage. He is my best friend and it KILLS me not to have his support. He knows weight loss is not easy for he is losing right now and he knows how long I have struggled with my weight. He needs to lose about 80 lbs.

I finally told him that if I am approved by insurance, I will be going thru with it. He still said, " You know my feelings on it." Anyone have any advice for me? Thanks, Shawna

Michelle757

Seems to me like he is afraid....afraid of losing his best friend since 4th grade. You have to make him understand how YOU feel. Why you need to do this for yourself.

JiggleyPuff

Michelle:

You made me tear up!! That is really sweet. I have tried to tell him how important this and why I need to do this for me and my family but he still keeps the door closed to listening to any more. Thanks Shawna

Michelle757

Shawna,

Continue to be strong. Realize this is a BIG life changing decision and it is normal for people to fear the unknown. I would continue to talk to him (more is probably getting through than you know). Meanwhile, there is ooodles of support here so continue to take advantage of it. Best of luck to you! email me anytime

__________________
MICHELLE



SURGERY 9/20/07

PRE/OP 248
GOAL 148

Angela

At what point do you just say, "I love you and if you really knew me and knew my pain you would respect and support what I have to do." Or can you say to agree to disagree and he will just have to learn to accept your decision?

lward76

honestly my husband was the same way!! in everyway!! we have been together since 9th grade and well I really didnt gain all the weight till my mid 20's!! but, he was so against me having this done!! But, at the end he finally went to a support group with me and met my surgeroun and came to the hospital everyday!! And now he supports me everyday, not saying he gets frusterated at times due to my compibalities that im having but he still loves me and im glad he stuck around!!...i also kept bringing paper work home on it and would leave it in the bathroom on the sink next to the toilet !!! so i know he was reading it....lol...good luck too you!!! Push just not tooooo hard!! I bet he comes around!!

__________________
Laura
220/216/119/115
highest/pre-op/current/goal
Height 5'1
[color="Blue"]113 POUNDS GONEOR]


04/11/07...Had surgery!!! my nerves were still wacky but hey i did it!!

size before surgery was 18 now size 5

Being reversed on Jan 18 I cant wait!!!!!!!!
I WAS REVESED ON JAN 18,2008 NOT EVEN A YEAR OUT!!

katzz87

My husband is the same way as JigglePuff's. My hubby doesn't really want to discuss this surgery that I've choosen to lead me on my way to a healthy life. I do know that I have his support...but he doesn't want to talk about it. I showed him ALL of my medications that I'm taking due to being morbidly obese...and telling him that I'm tired of watching my life go by...I want to LIVE my life. So I understand your predicament...but know this may not have anything to do with you...he may be having a hard time thinking of all the changes to come.

__________________
Pre-op ~ 284 lbs ~ 01-14-08 (Lap-RnY surgery)
Wk 17 ~ 222 lbs ~ 05-12-08

Weight loss to date: 62 lbs

janine

Hi,
my dh did not want me to have the surgery either. He said it was too drastic and that there must be a better way. I listend to him and told him why I wanted the surgery and what my fears were. My fear was that I would die before ever doing the things I wanted to, my blood pressure was so high I needed to take meds but my liver was effected by the meds, I was borderline diabetic, my sleep apnea was causing me to not want to go places, my back pain prevented me from walking too much, I didn't want to die young, I didn't want to loose him or our relationship because I would change, would he still love me, did he marry me because I was large, could we stand a lifestyle change, ect. He understood why I wanted the surgery but still fealt it was too extreme. He worried about it all. went to the seminars and kept quiet. Never wanted to talk to the doctor, Never showed an incling of a thought that he changed his mind. He stood by me at the hospital, took a week of of work to care for me post-op, helped me through all the pain, I fealt very cared for. after a few days post-op I gave him a hug and told him, "thanks, I truely feel cared for" He only smiled. He has not stated that he changed his mind. He has come to terms with it now, the surgery is done and I'm loosing the weight. We will have to deal with all my fears and his eventually, but for now I think he respects my decision, after all it was mine to make. We don't always agree on everything but respect each other just the same. He is intitled to his view point, But in the end it's my body, health and well being.
I sugest you just let his opinion stand. You don't have to force him to change it. You can reasure him that you are doing your research and that you love him and hope he respects your decision. If he continues to be adimate on the negative, let it be! Do what you have to do either decision that you make. In the end it's yours to make.

__________________
Janine344/310.4/217.4/117 (4/23/08)
-33.6 lbs (pre-op) -93.0 bs (post-op)
-126.6 total loss)
Lap RNY 10\23\2007 Dr. Juarez
gym Rat #68 (11/07/07)
Boo Boo Bear (TT Bear member) (02/04/08)
Ducksack club member #6 (02/06/07)

Happy to be working in the yard!

Angela

Do you think that maybe your husbands were afraid that you would leave them when you lost your weight? I wonder if it is a confidence issue with your men? In addition, when you change, your partner has to change with you or you are left at different levels or places and it is difficult to communicate when you are at different places in life's journey. My partner has been supportive, but she has expressed concern that I will cheat on her or leave her for another person. We have sought out counseling to address these concerns. If your partners are willing maybe you might want to do the same. This may help build their self confidence. We (as a society) tend to believe that men do not have confidence issues and that their self esteem is always high, but many times men's aggressive and non supportive behaviors are related to their confidence and self esteem.

amajor

Hi, I'm new to the group and have my consultation this afternoon. Reading this thread, I realize that I may be out of my element as I am a single male. The only thing I can say is to realize what you are doing and why you are taking this step. This is the chance to make a change that would improve our lives, physically and emotionally. I applaud you ALL for having the courage to do that. I have talked to various friends about it and some are VERY supportive, some however are less then supportive and seem to think that I need to just diet and exercise and what this has boiled down to for me is, do whats going to be best for you. In the end we are responsible for ourselves which includes our health and happiness. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the very best.

Alton