From Gung Ho To I Don't Know - ThinnerTimes

onederlandbound · 10-05-2004, 05:44 PM

Hello Everyone,

I must first say that I have checked many, many support groups and boards and this is the best by far. So, I joined! Glad to be here.

Well my decision to finally go with the surgery happened while lying in the emergency room with symptoms of a stroke. The Dr.'s were amazed because I'm only 30. They kept me there but all test came back negative. Thank God!

I've been yo yo dieting since age 13 and haven't seen under 200lbs in about 15 years. I made up my mind that day that I have got to do something, and thus started my journey. The seminars, appointments, etc. I was "Gung Ho" and no one could stop me. I've been doing research for about 4 years and am well educated about the procedures and the risk.

So, today was my last appointment (meet the surgeon) and I got a date! October 28th. All of a sudden, things are kind of blurry. I read carefully and signed the document that states all the risk involved and all of a sudden, I don't feel so good. I don't quite understand what I'm going through, but I hope it gets better for me quick.

Any Advice??

Karen Wright · 10-05-2004, 06:03 PM

Oh man...I totally went through the same kind of thing. The fear of the unknown threw me for a loop!!! I think it is so common in most of us to feel that way.

You know, it is the biggest decision you may ever have to make. It is a lifetime commitment and it is NOT the "easy way out" or "cheating", as some un-educated people may assume!! It is work..mostly work on your insides, as I have come to find out. I can tell you somerthing though...I would do this again in a New York minute!!! Honestly, the way I feel today...I wouldn't trade it for the biggest box of Krispy Cremes there was!!!

My life today is NOTHING like it used to be. I can run with my kids, I am very active and always looking for something to do with all this extra energy!!! 114 pounds ago...I would try to keep up with everything and I was failing miserably!! My mind wanted to do SO much but my body was not capable to do it. I actually feel YOUNG!!! It is a wonderful journey but also a difficult one. I wish you the best of luck with everything!

newbetterme · 10-05-2004, 06:55 PM

Wow...I am sooo with you. I completely understand what you are saying.

My surgery date is Nov 15 and ever since Leslie gave me the date I have been slowly losing it. I was so excited and now I am soooo scared. With each passing day I wonder is this really the answer, did I really try everything, can I live with my new life.

My sister asked me if I was going to back out and it took me a few seconds to answer her. I said NO.

If you are anything like me, the better for me the decision the harder my negative self works to derail it. I am trying to practice tuning out the background noise and just keep taking that step each day toward my goal. No one came to this decision easily.

Dont pay attention to the idle chatter of doubt. Listen to your instinct. It is your true instinct that will not mislead you.

stakeda · 10-05-2004, 10:32 PM

Dear Sir/Ma'am,

What is your name anyway? We really need to know. Anyway, we have all been where you are emotionally. Don't worry. You are doing the right thing. Soon, you will be a "LOSER" and we will be here for you every step of the way.

Blueyz · 10-05-2004, 10:40 PM

Hello,
Wls was the best thing that ever happened to me. I felt the same way you did and have no regrets. You are doing the right thing as Stacie said and it will all be worth it after you are on the other side. Glad you joined the forum.

watergirl · 10-06-2004, 06:57 AM

We welcome you with open arms! I felt the same way. I went through a whole range of emotions. I cried on the way home from work after I signed the papers, thinking what did I just do. Like you, I also did my home work, several years worth of research on this subject. I found the best doctor, Dr. C has thousands of success WLS patients. I figured, I have the best that modern medicine has to offer, I will put my faith in knowing that and left the rest up to God. I had to turn this over, because it became bigger than me. I have young children and a husband that I might not see after my surgery, I wrote them a long letter and instructed my best friend to deliver it if something happens. I made sure that everything I could do, was completed and come surgery day, I was at peace with the world.

I hope you find peace. Congratulations on making this life changing decision! Again, welcome to the forum, we're here to help.

Christina · 10-06-2004, 08:27 AM

All of us know where you are coming from, well I can't speak for everyone but I am sure that if everyone was like me they did. I wrote letters to all my family members and left them in my filing cabinet with my life insurance paperwork should something happen. I was numb and scared to death at the same time. I thought for a while what will people say about me if I die in an elective surgery? Will everyone know what surgery I was having?? etc... Then I prepared myself for the worst possible outcome.. I was prepared to die on the table.. I figured it was better to die trying then to die not trying at all. So I did it.. the next day I was rushed back into the OR and opened up again.. but you know what?? I was scared the second time more then the first I Think... lol

Then I woke up with Dr. Callery rubbing my forehead and smiling down at me and realized that I had not only a wonderful Doctor, but an angel as well. He saved my life and now I have a life. Before surgery my life was bleak and meaningless.. now I have this vast array of friends (that are like my new family) and I have a social life that I would have never had before surgery. So would I do it again?? In a heartbeat.. There are risks, complications, and let me tell you it is scary to think about it.. but more people die from not having the surgery then those that die from having it. It is so worth the risk. It is not an easy decision.. but I am thinking that the what you are feeling is anticipation and nervousness.. you actually have a date.. you are scheduled for surgery and if you are like most of us.. you probably thought it would NEVER happen for you.. so here it is .. you have a date.. you're going to have surgery.. you are going to do fabulous and when you get home and post that you are post-op you will have a whole new perspective. I really wish you a safe and speedy recovery and let us know if you need anything ok??

onederlandbound · 10-06-2004, 09:44 AM

I can't even hold back the tears. You all are as wonderful and caring as I thought. What a relief to know that others understand what I am going through. Unfortunately, I am not surrounded by anyone who can truly understand what I am going through, so I really don't bother to try and explain. God always answers prayers. I thank Him for all of you. I tossed and turned all night finally falling asleep around 5:00 am, going through realities in my head.

The two that were on my mind the most was I could be the next one to not get off the table. When thinking about getting my house in order before surgery, it wasn't to come home to a nice clean house, it was to prepare everything in case I don't return. That was very scarey. I have a husband and 3 children 10,3, and 1 and the thought of leaving them without a mother was devastating to me.

The next thought was I never realized the depth of my relationship with food. Usually, when I went off a diet, I would say to myself, I like food and I'm not going to eat like this the rest of my life. Last night I realized that this IS for the rest of my life. I won't go on and on. I am stronger now because of prayer and all of you. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I'm getting everything in order (paper work) starting today. I've come to the conclusion that when it's my time to go, I won't be able to do anything to stop it. It's all in God's hands and I trust Him with everything.

While I don't get into fortune telling and things of the sort, I thought is was quite interesting that my little one was eating some fortune cookies and I read the inserts to them. One said "Many successes will accompany you this year." and the other said "If you feel you are right, stand firmly by your convictions." I'll take that!

Peace & Blessings
Mary

Christina · 10-06-2004, 09:49 AM

May peace fill your heart with the knowledge that you are a survivor and are having the surgery to be able to see your children grow up and have kids of their own one day.. now you'll be there for them and you'll be healthier and happier as well.

I did the same thing with preparing my stuff for my non-return. I have had to go through stuff from people who had passed away and sometimes it is a real pain, I didn't want to put anyone through that.

Good luck to you and if you have any questions or need anything .. don't hesitate to let us know.. we're here for you!!!

pambragg · 10-06-2004, 10:02 AM

Mary,

Good luck and God bless. I will keep you in my prayers. If you ever need anything we are all here for you.