pre op emotion - ThinnerTimes

Myrr03 · 01-14-2006, 09:31 PM

I just needed to reach out today...

I am 2 1/2 weeks before surgery and I've been doing pretty well emotionally until today. I jsut totally freaked out. I felt like i was blind sided but the amount of emotion that came over me. I was afraid, and sad and scared. I know the story is a little long, but i feel the need to share:
My mother died 7 years ago and I've been very involved with raising my siblings ever since. These last three months have been the first time in 7 years when i am only taking care of myself and i'm not worrying about anyone else. it's been a new experience for me.
Today, as i was talking to someone who had a GBP several years ago, she mentioned that her mom stayed with her in the hospital and i burst into tears thinking that I'm alone. Yes, I have great friends and an aunt who would do anything for me, but for the first time I truly felt the loss of the caretaking my mom would have given me. I know that my friends and my aunt will be there for me and one of my younger sisters is in school in town and she will come, but its not the same, and i can't seem to stop crying.

I guess i'm not writing for a solution, but i just felt the need to share and connect. thanks for letting me vent.

BethBaugh · 01-14-2006, 09:57 PM

Girl, everybody I know felt overwhelmed emotionally. But listen, you are finally doing something for yourself. I did this to be healthy. I did it to have a chance to be there for my kids and grandkids(ONE DAY). I was so freaked until the morning of my surgery. I knew I was doing this for the right reasons. Good luck on your journey.

Beth B. in TN

LizardQueen · 01-15-2006, 04:50 AM

My Mom has been gone for 11 years. I know exactly what you are feeling. Everytime I have had surgery I wake up and tell my hubby-I want my Mom. I'm also a firm believer that she has been there with each surgery. I have felt her presence and once I could have sworn I felt her brush my hair back from my face. It has been a great comfort for me. Your mom will be watching over you. I go months now without crying about her death and then bam-I'll cry everyday for a week. You never get over the loss of a parent and anytime a stressful event happens my loss seems to overwhelm me. Big hugs to you!!

Bypassingme619 · 01-15-2006, 05:30 AM

Mirym I apologize you are going through such a great deal of emotion before your big day but maybe this is what you need to see how strong you really have to be walking into this. Honestly sweety even with people supporting me there were times when I felt alone because there was only so much the person supporting me could understand. I am sure mother would want you to be strong and hold your head high, I am she has been with you this whole process. I think another thing is you have been the strong one for your siblings and now that it is time for you to do for your self it is a very alone feeling. I know that feeling all to well. You will be fine, you'll see. Take it one day at a time. Big Hugs.

Myrr03 · 01-15-2006, 09:47 AM

thanks for your words and support. I guess I know that the emotion comes and goes but i was surprised by the force. It didn't hit my like that when i graduated from college or when i got my masters... i guess i'm more vulnerable right now... surgery can do that to you!

thank you again

willbowski · 01-15-2006, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myrr03

I just needed to reach out today...

I am 2 1/2 weeks before surgery and I've been doing pretty well emotionally until today. I jsut totally freaked out. I felt like i was blind sided but the amount of emotion that came over me. I was afraid, and sad and scared. I know the story is a little long, but i feel the need to share:
My mother died 7 years ago and I've been very involved with raising my siblings ever since. These last three months have been the first time in 7 years when i am only taking care of myself and i'm not worrying about anyone else. it's been a new experience for me.
Today, as i was talking to someone who had a GBP several years ago, she mentioned that her mom stayed with her in the hospital and i burst into tears thinking that I'm alone. Yes, I have great friends and an aunt who would do anything for me, but for the first time I truly felt the loss of the caretaking my mom would have given me. I know that my friends and my aunt will be there for me and one of my younger sisters is in school in town and she will come, but its not the same, and i can't seem to stop crying.

I guess i'm not writing for a solution, but i just felt the need to share and connect. thanks for letting me vent.

Part of the reason why I did this was for my kids. If not I do not think I owuld have done it. Emotional support is key I could not have made it this far without it. All I know is I WANT SOME FRIED CHICKEN RIGHT NOW! lol make sure you lean on those that can support you and not say the wrong things at the wrong time, what you need now is that person(s) who will be there when you call. Anyway I am going to stick my head in a pot and try to get rid of this craving. I feel like a addict right now. Take care

coptergirl · 01-15-2006, 12:25 PM

Hi Miryam-

I am sending big hugs your way, sweetie. Please know that your emotions are completely normal,and that they are okay. Your mom was a mjaor part of you, and still is. It is natural to grieve the loss of a loved one when going through major changes such as this, and to crave their presence. It might help to close your eyes and remember times with her.

Amber - your post made me tear up. My mom is still here, and I cannot imagine not having her to talk to and support me through this.

Miryam - Hang in there! We are here to support you in any way we can!

Gina in NY · 01-15-2006, 01:59 PM

Isn't wierd how when you lose someone, it hits you out of nowhere - and I know what you mean about how strong that emotion can be. And then you find yourself angry or resentful that you are the one that has to face life without the support you expect. Then sometimes it is fine - go figure!

I don't know - it isn't like you ever "get over" it, you just learn to live each day with the grief or loss and it just becomes part of you. When you change the balance of your life, like facing major surgery, that pain doesn't sit quietly in the corner anymore - it gets all stirred up again.

I'm sort of rambling here, but I understand what you're going through. If I think too hard about the surgery, I get nauseous and feel faint. Heaven knows how I'll deal with it when it gets close! But you'll be on the other side by then, helping me out!

Relax, breathe, feel your mother's hand on your shoulder - you know she wants you to feel her support. I truly believe our grandmothers and mothers are watching over us - I mean its what I would do for my kids!

You will be fine - we're all praying for you.

brookscn · 01-15-2006, 04:25 PM

Miryam:
Your feelings are truly understandable. My brother died when I was 7, my father when I was 11 and my mother when I was 17. But, I feel their presence all the time (especially my mother and my brother). I know that they are with me always, and are always looking out for me. Your Mom is there, too - guiding you through life.

Oprah says "when you lose someone you love, you gain an angel that you know." Your Mom is always with you. You won't see her by your side when you're in the hospital, but know that she will be there, sitting on the edge of your bed.

Dyann · 01-15-2006, 04:51 PM

All I can say is I am so sorry for your loss and how you are reliving it. Maybe it is a way to bring your mom into the process and recognize her as a force in your life still. I wish you peace of mind as the day draws closer.