So what will it mean to you to be thin?? - ThinnerTimes

LizzieShell · 06-27-2008, 06:39 PM

I started thinking about this the other day ...
What it will mean to be thin ...

I will lose sizes.
* Will I lose my "personal" space?
I will be able to "fit in".
* Will I be lost in a crowd?
I will gain self-esteem.
* Will I still be "strong" enough?
I will not hear "fat bitch" anymore.
* Will I be able to handle the "wolf calls"?
* How will I feel if there aren't any?
I will be healthier.
* Will I be healthier?

I have been "over weight" most of my life, since about age 13. I have been MO for the better part of 25 years with the exception of the 5 minutes that I was just over weight while I was on the Phen-Phen drugs. Didn't last very long after I was off the drugs.

These thoughts have started to run through my head as I try to wrap my mind around that fact this time I will be successful with the help of my tool -WLS. It is very hard to think of myself any way other than the way I am now and have been for years. The psych said I should weigh 120 pounds for my 5'4" frame. That boggles my mind to even entertain the possible that I can be that light.

It's is a scary thought to me on one hand, on the other I can't wait. What a bunch of contradictions!

blisandt · 06-27-2008, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizzieShell

That boggles my mind to even entertain the possible that I can be that light.

It's is a scary thought to me on one hand, on the other I can't wait. What a bunch of contradictions!

I am all contradicted with you... I believe it, since I see it in numbers here, but I can't believe it will happen for ME!

But I intend to MAKE it HAPPEN!

jenn75 · 06-27-2008, 08:48 PM

I love this post, thanks for sharing. There are so many questions....

Here are some questions that run through my mind while attempting to fathom what changes may be in store:

Will my sexuality change? Improve? Will I finally see myself as "sexy"? Will my partner "catch up"?

Will I just find other things about myself not to love? Will I become "overly" obsessed with how I look?

Will I be less depressed...less depressed to finally go off anti-depressants for the first time in my adult life? Or does the genetic factor of depression play a stronger part in my depression than I thought?

Will I go broke finally having an actual CHOICE in where I buy clothes? (ok, that was just for laughs, but certainly with my spending habits it is NOT a good thing!)

Will I finally be able to stop wearing the c-pap? Will it improve the intimacy with my partner, or are there other issues?

Will people I know treat me any different? Will they secretly think that I've become shallow, conceited?

Will I finally be more active - socially and physically - and feel like I have a life? Or will I be the same lazy person I am now? Will my partner accept me if I'm more social, considering he is not?

How could my career be affected, either positively or negatively or both?

Josephine · 06-28-2008, 02:39 AM

For me, it means finally getting to see what I look like. Finally getting to see myself. I've been heavy my whole life, so we don't know what skinny me looks like.

No one does

karen4656 · 06-28-2008, 05:07 AM

I will finally be able to see the real me (the person I have always felt like on the inside). I have been MO since first or second grade. I can't remember any time in my life that I have ever been a normal healthy weight. I'm patiently awaiting the time I will finally meet myself!!!!

jenn75 · 06-28-2008, 05:28 AM

I think it is very interesting that so many of us feel like the real "me/us" is buried beneath the fat. I thought I was the only one who thought that about myself. As I gain and gain more weight, I always find myself looking in the mirror, wondering where I am...somewhere inside the outer shell that makes me not even recognize myself. I look at pictures of myself and wonder where I truly am, too. I feel like I have this filter built in most of the time, to just sort of make it easier to take, easier to look at. But then sometimes a moment comes a long where the filter doesn't work and I see myself for what I truly am, morbidly obese. A stranger holding my healthy, happy body captive. It's like there is this "core" self, the self that I feel is so much worthier of my love than this "outer/extra" self, yet I can't love it because I cannot see it, I just can't get to it. I hate the outer self, and that's probably why it's so hard to change. It's very powerful. My core self has learned to stay quiet and numb itself from emotion, unable to fight for itself. I've focused my energy and thoughts on how to hate the outer self, how to "tolerate" a life with it ruling over my body.

Ok, sorry, I rambled way to long on that, but it really helps to know that others feel the same way I do.

LizzieShell · 06-28-2008, 07:45 AM

I see people around me who are "normal" weight and they do not seem to give their circumstances a second thought. I have used my weight as a buffer between "me" and the world. No one could get any closer than my body size would allow.

To lose that barrier is a little scary.

sheila0911 · 06-28-2008, 09:44 PM

The thought of being skinny is scary to me as well. I have been overweight most if not all of my life. I was the "funny" girl growing up. I was the "friend" only to boys. Never god forbid the girlfriend. Funny thing is that in my adult life, I never really was called names, or thought that I was not good enough as I did in my younger years. I think that when I look into the mirror, I see me. Not the fat me...until I saw pictures of me I never knew that I was that big. I guess I never wanted to address my weight. Now with my diabetes issues, I have to address it. I just dont want the WLS to change me....I think that is what I am scared of. I do wish for the better health and to be able to do things that I would not even think of being overweight. I have seen at my work many people change. They do become snobish tending to forget where they have come from as far as weight is concerned. Wonder why that is?

Sorry for the rambling, but what a good thread! Thanks for posting it!

jenn75 · 06-28-2008, 11:25 PM

I think that in thinking about it more, I'm wondering mostly how it will affect my relationship with my fiance and our future marriage. I don't want to lose him because of this...nothing that I can predict now, but I've read stories in which people change so much that their relationship suffers.

Sheila - oh do I know what you're talking about...being the funny one, and being a "friend" to all of the guys who hit on my friends. i felt so ignored, so invisible to men for a good part of my life, especially growing up. and yes, most of the time i can usually ignore my weight and get on with my life. but pictures can bring me right back to reality the most. especially when i'm standing next to normal weight people in the pics. i bought my wedding dress a few months ago and when i went to pick it up and try it on for the first time, this very thin girl decided to try the same style dress on next to me. NOT a good feeling.

KathyV · 06-28-2008, 11:29 PM

Well I have not been over-weight all my life. I married at 20 and didn't really get overly obease until around 30. I started out on this journey to become healthier I was not really prepaired on how I was going to feel by all the reactions in town. I smile and say thank you, without any explination. The wow moment I have been waiting for really happened last weekend. When I got dressed up for a family ruinion of about 50 people and when it was all over I went out with my husband to dinner and he said " He looked around the room at the party and he had the HOTTEST wife there!!!" Compliment are rare with him but lately I have been dressing nicer and almost everyday he compliments me on something.
I love life and am so happy I did this!
Kathy