Late night...new to site... and feeling depressed - ThinnerTimes

NYNMD · 04-15-2005, 11:20 PM

I've been a secret member of this site for some time. Lurking and seeing some of the same emotions that I'm going through.

Sitting hear late at night, because my GERD won't let me sleep. Had dinner quite late and laid down afterwards. Choking in the middle of the night and now I can't get rid of that feeling in your mouth after fluids back up in your throat. (sorry for the gross description). My feeling of fullness, when I might have eaten dinner 4-5 hours ago. Ankles hurting and the feeling that you never get enough sleep. Is it sleep apnea, which I have or am I depressed and will never get a good night sleep again. Even after the surgery.

The surgery - is that some abstract ray of sunshine or do my heart and mind need the operation first. I wonder everyday, am I making my symptoms worst, by putting so much faith into an operation? Am I unhappy about life period? Don't know the answers.

Kim - 5'2, 250 lbs. Waiting for approval. Psych and sleep study done.
Wife/Mother of 17 year old/38 years young.

Can I eat the way my nutritionist would like for me to eat after the surgery for the rest of my life. Liquid diets, soft mushy foods, feeling like an outcast or healthier body, longer life, smaller clothes, and putting an end to this food obsession. Sounds easy! The answer is right in front of me.

I'm tired. Tired of walking up stairs and taking 5-6 min to catch my breath. Tired of lacing my shoes up at an angle. Tired of purchasing 22's. Tired of wearing sneakers all the time. Tired of stretch elastic jeans. I'm damn tired of it all.......

Jeanie · 04-15-2005, 11:29 PM

I know how you feel. I was the same way. Having WLS was the best thing that I have ever done for myself. It took me a long time to decide to have it, and then I had to fight for it, and I'm glad that I did.
You will be able to eat "normal" food again. You don't have to eat soft mushy food for the rest of your life. I am 9 months out, and can pretty much eat anything I want. I have lost 104 pounds. I went from a size 24 to a size 14. TRUST me it was worth it for me.
I hope that things get better for you. Keep me updated on your progress and what you decide to do, and remeber you are part of our family now, so welcome.

CJ Skinner · 04-16-2005, 01:58 AM

Dear MYNMD, I have also sat and thought all of the same feeling since I started this journey 6 -7 months ago. I am in the "waiting for the surgeon to contact me " stage. I have been scared, worried, scared, scared scared. i have expressed my self on this forum and have gotten the most straighforward answers and comments i could ever wish for. As I have gone through the process(sometime seems like at a stand still) I have read and have calmed down with the scared part. As for the questioning your self, you will rise to the occasion. Why would you want to put yourself through a major surgury and then fail on the follow up. You will do everthing that is asked of you and more because this isnt just surgury. It is a life saver of the best kind. Dont give up. Ask questions, but expect straight, to the bone answers with no punchs pulled. This place does help. I know. I love this forum. Hope this helps, cj
368/0/186

stakeda · 04-16-2005, 04:28 AM

Dear NYNMD,

Gosh!!!!!!!! It seems so long ago that I was saying EXACTLY what you are saying.

I know how it feels to wake up four to five times per night with GERD. It's so not cool!!!!!! It's miserable!

So, what advice can I give to you? Keep pushing. As Jeanie, my Podmate, said, you have to push for the surgery sometimes. When you get a "denial", don't accept it and move on. FIGHT IT!!!!!!!!! Eventually, the insurance company will come around because they will be tired of hearing your name.

Take care. We're here for you.

NYNMD · 04-16-2005, 05:32 AM

Thanks for you kind words and encouragement.

I've been trying to soul search and rationalize this surgery. I often feel that my only goal is to be thin. I don't want this to be about vanity. As I know, my health is deteriorating. So, why do I think this way.......?

I'm getting close to approval and getting a date set, so thanks for listening and I'm sure this is not the end of my cry for your input.

Thanks again!

VanessaSFL · 04-16-2005, 05:53 AM

I am too new to the site and too new from surgery to give any real advice emotionally because I am still dealing with that part.Welcome to thje forum...and Good Luck .
Take care,Vanessa

tazbabygirl69 · 04-16-2005, 06:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NYNMD

Thanks for you kind words and encouragement.

I've been trying to soul search and rationalize this surgery. I often feel that my only goal is to be thin. I don't want this to be about vanity. As I know, my health is deteriorating. So, why do I think this way.......?

I'm getting close to approval and getting a date set, so thanks for listening and I'm sure this is not the end of my cry for your input.

Thanks again!

As humans, conciously we know we want to improve our health. We want to live a better life, free from pain. Subconciously though, there's the embarrassment we face daily that we want to get rid of. The idea that we could ever be "thin" gives us that umph to keep pushing ahead.

Don't ever think that you don't deserve to be excited about the prospect of being "thin" in addition to the health improvements. It is a package deal.

Welcome and hope to see more from you.

virgo · 04-16-2005, 09:27 AM

This will be my first post and I am in the starting process of all of this I see the doctor,on the 25th I will also see the dietitian,social worker, business office representative,surgeon and physician assistant so it will be a all day thing and the whole time I have been waiting I am so scared that I will get turned down for the surgery I weight 250 am 5'3" and my BMI is 44.9. My goal is 130 I hurt all the time and have been taking an antidepresstant because I am sick of my weight and all the fail attempts to lose the weight. All I can see is my ankle being blown up each day like a balloon, the aching in my joints. I have had to have surgery for the GERD,which I hated it was a liquid diets( the surgey not the liquid diet) right after that I sworn that I was not going to gain the weight back that I lost and wouldn't you know it I did.I hated myself for that because I know that I want to be the slim person that is inside of me. I want to be able to have the engery to play with my five grandkids .I am tired of going shopping and not being able to find me clothes that I like and having to settle with what will fit me.My insurance said that they will pay for the surgery but what if the doctor said that I can't.What do I do?

Anne · 04-16-2005, 10:59 AM

Hi. I am just starting out on the "other" side, and I'm still learning all about that. But in the beginning, that is exactly what I thought, I was so tired of being tired! I was on antidepressants, c-pap, had high blood pressure, incontinence, back pain, short of breath.......I was so worried the doctor or insurance would say "sorry, not fat enough!" I am 5'5", and weighed 259, I'm not sure what my BMI was but in the mid-40's. The doctor said I was definite a candidate and I was approved by the insurance. (YEA!) Everyone has these doubts in the beginning, I know I did. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to be thinner. I can't wait to fit in a "normal" pair of Levi's again!

, besides getting healthier and feeling better.

Good luck to both of you, and keep hanging around here. Tons of fabulous support here!!!!

NYNMD · 04-16-2005, 01:44 PM

The more depressed I get the more doubts I have. I know this to shall pass. I can't wait tell operation day, than I can move on to the next phase. I know I must heal my mind and love myself no matter what.

I'm sure it will take time, but I'm just wallowing in self-pity right now. Thanks for the support.