It's almost time. - ThinnerTimes

Raeyna · 04-10-2008, 12:52 AM

Alright, my nerves are creeping up upon me quickly... more quickly than I anticipated. I'm 20 years old and have been overweight for the majority of my life. It's something I've come to live with, to be used to, have accepted it, and have presented myself in the way that I only want those around me that accept it and love me for who I am. Regardless of my weight. And yet, here I am, on the precipice of change.. drastic change, and I couldn't be more scared about how I am going to be seen after this. To have a normal relationship, where things are not going to be about me feeling shame because of my weight, to not have my life not revolving around the fact that I wonder what people are thinking everytime I lift a fork to my mouth. My surgeon tells me that in a year, I could be normal... a normal weight that is. And somehow that aspect scares me as much as my upcoming surgery. I don't know how to live that way, but I'm very excited at the prospect. To not dread thinking about whether I can fit somewhere, walk past someone in an aisle without knocking something over, not feel embarrassed walking out of a plus size store and having to cross the street with people watching me. I've done so much more than normal 20 year olds, and yet, I can't help but wonder what new doors this is going to open up for me. My surgery is on the 14th of April, not even a week from today. I'm nervous, but ready. I have the support of my family and a few friends that I've included, but quite honestly I need people to talk to that are going through/have gone through this. I need advice and whatnot. So please speak up! I feel alone in this, even with support because I have no one that I can talk honestly about what I am going through with this. I need someone that will understand, so I'm reaching out.

AnnieH · 04-10-2008, 03:10 AM

Hey Raeyna
I know how you feel! It is a very serious and scary thing we are doing. You sound like a rational, intelligent person though so I'm pretty confident you've given this idea loads of thought. My surgery is May 6th - less than 4 weeks away and at the beginning of this year I went through MAJOR anxiety about my decision to have surgery - also more about the "afters" than for the surgery itself. I'm afraid I wont know myself, that people who love me now will change towards the new me... but in the end I reminded myself that I'm doing this for ME and only for me. It is for my benefit, for my health, for my self esteem for the rest of my life. I just hope that the few people I've included in this will stay involved in my journey, but if they dont, well, maybe it's their loss.

Just keep talking - if not on an open forum then send some people you can relate to a private message. Gwen has been a huge support to me and a lot of people *thanks Gwennie!* and I wouldnt be going throught this without the TT family!

Hang in there - just a few more restless nights!

An

MaryAnn · 04-10-2008, 11:39 AM

Raeyna,

My surgery is also on the 14th. And although i have done more research on this surgery and what to expect I also am starting to get nervous.

I too have been overweight my entier life, although I'm 33 and a bit older than you I too can't wait for the new opportunities that await. There have been somethings that I have just not done because of my weight and I can't wait to do them. One of which is going to an amusement park and riding the rides that I was always afraid I would be too big for

What are you looking forward to the most?

Good luck on your surgery.

Mar

WAITING80 · 04-10-2008, 11:50 AM

HEY Raeyna, Congrats on your surgery date. I am one day after you and I am having a battle with my nerves right now but my battle is hoping that everything will go well. I am skinny in my mind already I just have to break through this fat exterior to expose my true self. You will be just fine and you will learn to live in your "new" self ( or so I hear). Good luck sweetheart

Raeyna · 04-10-2008, 05:03 PM

I have to say the thing that I am looking the most forward to is a trip planned to Disney World this coming december. To be able to do everything without worrying about comfort levels.. will be intense to say the least! My nerves are still crazy today, but I'm trying to stay calm and focus on the prospect of the future

katzz87 · 04-10-2008, 05:35 PM

Moving out of your comfort zone is always hard! And having surgery and totally changing your life is definitely expanding the comfort zone boundaries! But it sounds as if you're having the surgery for all the right reasons.

Mia · 04-11-2008, 06:50 PM

I am just at the beginning of the process and I am already a little nervous... I can't imagine how you feel being so close to the date!

As the others said, this is completely life changing! I guess we wouldn't be normal if we weren't nervous...

fisher1000 · 04-11-2008, 07:00 PM

It's normal to be nervous in this time leading up to the surgery. You wouldn't be normal if you weren't nervous!

I want to tell you though, and this is just MY experience and MY opinion, but the surgery was the easy part.

It already sounds like you folks have good heads on your shoulders about all of the emotional stuff that comes with losing weight. That for me has been very difficult. Don't get me wrong, I love the attention, but I also am very analytical about the way I feel now, how others treat me, and why in the world a few pounds (or a few hundred...

) kept me from being my "authentic self." (As Claire the wise has said numerous times...)

The journey that you are on is the MAIN thing here, not the surgery itself. The surgery clears the initial path, and then you must go where you go. The unknown is what is scary, but for most of us, it turns out to be less scary as we bloom into the deserving humans we should have been all along.

The fact that you are cognizant and aware of everything proves that you are ready for the ride of your life. I'm really happy for all you, and I'm proud of you. Six months from now, you'll have trouble remembering the person you see in the mirror today. That person will NEVER be back.

Keep up the positive thoughts and relax...you'll be a loser before you know it!

-Mike

SantanaRose · 04-11-2008, 07:12 PM

My surgery is on April 15th... I am JUST 21-years-old... and I have been overweight my whole life... so my dear, i am right here with you!! I have all the same fears you do, and i wish i knew how to rid my mind of them. I try to focus as you are on everything I will do and try not to even let the what-if's weigh on your mind...

A good friend of mine today reminded me that... something bad could happen anywhere, any time. Life is about taking chances. With no risk there is no gain.

For myself anyway, I've wanted to be thin my whole life and now that its within days of really starting, I'm terrified to be thin. BUT I still can't wait to be able to buy my first piece of clothing from a skinny girl store and not feel so out of place like a man in the woman's restroom!

Good Luck hun! I'm sure you don't need it... you're gonna blow us all out of the water with success!!

AnnieH · 04-13-2008, 06:53 AM

Raeyna and the others having surgeyr on Monday and Tuesday - lots of love and luck to you!
My thoughts are with you and pray for a speedy recovery and enjoyable journey downhill!!

Keep us posted as soon as you can get to a pc!