My many fears - ThinnerTimes

chiquita · 12-13-2007, 04:55 PM

Hello all.
I am new on this forum, I recently was posting in the lapband forum because I thought I was going to do that. After seen the doctor yesterday, who does both types of surgeries, I was convinced that gastric bypass is the best tool for me too loose weight.

My fears are about things going wrong and me not making it. My chances of death, according to the doctor are like .6%, which is probably less then if I did not have it. However, that still a big chance of death to think about when young kids are still in the household. I have two, both with autism.

If something happened to me what would be of them?

My husband had an argument over this with me before he left for work.
He ofcourse never been more then 10 lbs overweight, and I said to him he does not know how hard it is to loose weight and stay with it. He said he was overweight after his acute apendisitis surgery, when he lost lots of muscle and when he gained, he gained fat. But him been a contractor that has been no problem because he is very active and his muscle is building back.

I can loose 10 lbs in a month if I wanted to also, but keeping it off is a different story.

Emotionally, I think it will be ok replace the psychological love of food for something else, I have many loves in my life

to put more energy into.

I had my first consultation yesterday with my doctor, and my orientation meeting. Today, I went got me so vitamins, and am and have been on a liquid diet since before Thankgiving, 2 meals a day, one regular meal, self inflicted diet lol.

My pre-op appointment with my regular doctor is not until the end of the month, same day as my EKG and lab work will be ordered at that point, which I will hold until I make sure my surgery has been scheduled so It don't go 30 days old then I have to have a new one.

I am affraid that if the date of the surgery gets put off for long, my husband will get to me and I will just feel like quiting all the way. I have no choice, my BMI is 70, I am super obese

( and short to make things worse lol

Just venting I suppose. Hope to make good friends here

Chiquita

coptergirl · 12-13-2007, 05:28 PM

You know in your heart of heart the right choice for you. This surgery is about you and that fact that you need it to survive. .6% is nothing compared to the other odds. Sweetie, your DH is certainly entitled to his opinion, but in my experience when my DH has opinions like this it is his fear talking through them. Keep researching everything, and keep him educated, and don't let him change your mind about YOUR health...you, and you alone, are your own advocate...

Think about how better able you will be to play with your kids and assist them when they need assistance, and how you can do those outdoorsy things with your DH when you can move about better...

Fear, when it comes to this surgery is only natural as it is major surgery. Knowledge os power, so keep up on the latest and greatest, and know your doc as well as he will know you after all of your tests..

Squishy · 12-13-2007, 06:03 PM

Have him sign up here too. We'd love to meet him and he can learn a lot here too.

Your fears are very normal and very healthy. If you BMI is 70, then you know you are headed for health problems sooner rather than later. I think everyone here can relate to the ability to lose weight but the inability to keep it off. I for one, could be the poster-boy for that cycle!

Education will help you make the best decision for you.

Best wishes!!
-Mike-

AnnieH · 12-14-2007, 05:13 AM

This is why I only told my family once my decision was made! He has a right to be scared - just shows that he loves you. Have you got any books handy (like Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies? It is easy to read and gives loads of info, not just for the patient but for family too. My mom is reading my copy right now and the more she reads her fears are turning to excitement for me, and her questions are being answered.

If he's not prepared to even read the books / web sites etc then you have a very hard decision to make, but I decided long before I told my family that I was ready and sick enough to NEED this without their approval. Yes it will be harder to get through it, but YOU have to decide to save your own life - how healthy can you really be at BMI 70? Tell your hubby to weigh up your current health risks and certainty of premature death with the obesity over the small chance of death with the surgery.

It is hard and I am so relieved my folks have come to the party to support me. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU so no matter matter what, you wont be going through it alone.

An

chiquita · 12-14-2007, 06:02 PM

I appreciate the support. I do feel emotionally drained in more way then one. And I did made my mind before I ever told him, actually since early summer. I started saving and only told him as I was getting a good ammount of money set a side. Since I told him I have moved quickly on things so there is not so much time for him to go on about this and that. And nope, He read some info on what I brought home from the hospital and all he does is shake his head.

He has his mind made up that he knows what it takes to loose weight and keep it up, which I feel plain insulted by that since he never walked on my shoes. But I do know he cares too, so I am patient, or try to be.

One funny thing I have to share.

My son is 8, and he is always saying how some foods are healthy,, he will say, Pizza is good for you because is made of grain, and we need grains to...,, cookies are good for you becasue lol,, well the least extends to all the things he likes, healthy or not.

A day before I went for my appointment, he was eating something that was not so healthy for him, and he was saying how it is good for him, so I said no it is no, because it has a lot of fat, and if you eat a lot of fat you get fat. Do you want to be fat, and his eyes open whide, and I said look at me, do you want to be fat like me? he said no. Then he said, why don't you loose some weight so you won't be fat anymore? so I said I am going to a doctor tomorrow, that he will help me loose weight. Then he said... tomorrow when you get home you won't be fat anymore? I said, no it takes a long time to loose the weight,, and he said, then you won't be home until January? lol

I explain to him that I was just going to talk to the doctor and I had to loose weight with time.

As I got home that evening, I could antisipated as I opened the door, and sure enough, he came running out of his room and look at my stomach and said,, did you loose weight? lol

Kids

Once I have a date for my surgery I shall post, meanwhile please keep me in your thought and prayers, the phsyc evaluation can't take me in until the end of January, and so that means my surgery can't be done until February, probably the first week, that is just so long to wait. However they have me on a waiting list for cancelations, which they said they get them all the time, so hopefully, they will move me up closer, I like to have surgery mid January.

Thanks all

AnnieH · 12-15-2007, 06:18 AM

Your son has the most beautiful innocent perspective on things doesn't he?? I love it!

I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and please keep encouraging your hubby to read read read. Would he consider going with you to the doc or psych at all? I have my first psych in January too - 15th. I have to wait until MAY though for my op... I'm dying with waiting but I cant rush things - very strict about the whole procedure here. But it's kind of good - gives me more time to read and learn... even though the waiting is torture!

I know first hand how people who have never had to diet, just don't understand how difficult it is. That is why us overweightees are labelled as lazy and undisciplined. We are the most misunderstood bunch on the planet! We here understand the difficulty though so lets lean on eachother.

Dont forget you're doing it for you!

Godsblessedme · 12-15-2007, 09:45 AM

With a bmi of 70 you dont have a choice. If you want to be around for your children this is something you should want to do. I have 3 small kids and often think of the what if's. Our children love us unconditionally and dont care what we weigh or look like. However if you want to be around you need to be healthy and i believe at any risk. You will do fine and your children and husband will love you the more for wanting to be around longer for them.
I wish you the best and certainly in my prayers

chiquita · 12-15-2007, 01:34 PM

Well for the longest time I been wondering how to explain to him where I am at, and why I can't loose the weight. He sees me as weak and undisciplined, but a lot of my problem is genetics, and that is the honest true.

Well I finally realized, he, has a similar problem, just not with weight.

He has horrible teeth, his teeth are literally in despearate need of help. For him, the main problem is genetics, some people just have weak teeth, and have to have lots of care for them regardless of how good they take care of them. Me, on the other hand, I have great teeth, and yes, it's also genetic, my father died with all his own teeth, never had a cavery, never had nothing but some cleanings. That is me, I clean mainly my own teeth and everyonce in a while go in for a professional cleaning. He however, can't even remember to brush. He will try for sometime, and brush everyday, then he slacks and pretty soon I have to be the one reminding him to brush, and he moans about me reminding him. But now, he is facing several thousands of dollars worth of work on his teeth, some of which will be quite painfull.

Now you tell me if you would apply that principal to the weight problem I have, and they don't compare?

Is the same thing,, just because he is thin and his issue is elsewhere, doesn't mean he don't deal with the same problem bottom line.

So next time he says something, I will swing that one at him, see what he saids

lol.

I suspect no resistance from his end after that, and if there is any, then not much more I can do, I am having this done, for me first, then for my kids.

chiquita

Vim&Vigour · 12-15-2007, 05:09 PM

Hej Pal, you see you understand the way minds work!
You NEED this operation to save your life before you can even look after your family.
Ask your doc about the probs that would be encountered during/after surgery and what solutions he has to address them. Would he have an anaesthetist specially trained for your BMI? What support does your doc have if you do have a cardiac arrest? What medication does he propose to deal with the risk of thrombosis? If you had an internal bleeding, how reliably would they have the right supply for you?
The questions that you have been asking in your mind I am putting on paper here. Not to scare you but to make you ask all your questions aloud and look for the answers in this forum, from your doctor, on the internet, from support groups, speak with other BMI 70 patients. Very much a case of "damned if I do, but most definitely damned it I don't".
You have the CHOICE of doing something to save your life before you are being FORCED to survive. By having the choice, YOU are in CONTROL, you become strong, intelligent, focused, protective for your children, supportive. Create a network of friends near you to help you physically through the transition period. Just imagine what your family life would be like if you ignored your situation... Well done on thinking about your husband's teeth. In fact, once you loose weight, your husband will probably be secretly proud of you and himself for having an attractive, gutsy, capable wife who has more energy to look after him and your children.
Best wishes. You are strong and just remind yourself what a wonderful life lies ahead!
I had my lap op 10 days ago and would do it all over again if necessary!
Good for you. Your health first and then you can look after the world!
Cheers!

lward76 · 12-16-2007, 10:17 AM

Sometimes our spouses just dont understand expcially when there not overweight!! I think your making the right decionion, my husband was so against me having this done at first!! But, after a few weeks and the day came he was by myside all the way!! Let me tell you if he wouldnt have I know I would not be with him now!!! I would be with my mommy!!!! But, the good news is he was with me and he helps me everyday!!! Well, he tries to anyway!! I have had many complications and I hope you have a great surgery and a safe recovery!! Oh a week before my surgery I did get my dh to go to a support meeting with me! I think that did help him a bit!!! Actually I know it did, because he remembers more than I do about it!! Gl!!!