My many fears - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

lward76 · 12-20-2007, 07:46 AM

Just wondering if things are better with you? Good luck!! Was just thinking of you!!!!

chiquita · 12-20-2007, 08:10 AM

Doing better. Still don't have his support completely, but he knows I be doing it regardless. I had my pshych appointment changed from January 30th to well, Tuesday of this week lol,, they had a cancellation and called me at 8:30 wanting me there by 10, I still had to fill up their paperwork and get dressed and drive an hour there, and it stormed the entire drive there, but I made it, I was not about not to make it.

So now I have a surgery date, January 8th, and I am getting nervous. So I try not thinking about it too much, but I have been Dreaming about it, then I wake up and can't go back to sleep, I been finding I am awake a lot at nights now.

I have been loosing weight, which has given me a very much needed burst of energy. I ordered all my vitamins so they should be here in time for surgery.

Well talking about energy, is time to get my kids off bed.

Thanks for checking on me

ttl

rainrain · 12-20-2007, 08:32 AM

Dear one, I would like to commend you for you fortitude and determination. Your husband may not ever understand. however, yourstrong stand will help him to realize your commitment! Good for you!!
There a ton of articles on why losing weight and keeping it off once you reach a BMI of 40 or more and why it becomes nearly impossible for most people. It is not will power any more. I love the teeth analogy you used for you husbands genetic disposition. My guess he could not relate. He would justify the teeth as something out of his control unlike your weight problem. It is just that thin people have such difficulty understanding that weight loss at this point is not a choice, anymore.

I am never one to encourage one to have this surgery, but I am one to support anyone who has made that crucial decision and it looks like you have made up your mind.

I can not ease your mind about the reality of complications, but my guess is you are having some health issues at your weight right now and knowing this will be gone with the weight will balance the fear.
I was so nervous that even a few hours before the surgery my husband offered to take me home and forget the whole thing. The prospect of that put more fear in me. If I did not do this now, I would be having surgery for something else later....new knees, hips...back surgery...you name it...not to mention diabetes, heart problems.....so many things!!! That thought erased my fears and I have not looked back....well I tried but there is no turning back...that is why it works this surgery. You ar eelft with forced eating habits it is hard and in some ways cruel. But...it works....follow every step to the letter. Use the first year to completely change your attitude towards food, learn about how the bounty of healthy delicious foods are out there. You autistic children will benefit eating whole natural foods with out flour sugar preservatives coloring all that stuff will be replaced with the wonderful selection of textures, colors and flavors of fruits, vegetables and lean meats.

It is a tough road, make it count, stay strong and accept that you honey may not understand and yet appreciate his concern. In marriage it is a compramise...not always yours!!

Be well, be blessed!!!

chiquita · 12-20-2007, 01:05 PM

rain, thanks so much for your words. Thanks everyone for their encouragement.

Yes, I have been thinking about this suregery since 2000 actually, but really back then, thought I could do it on my own, in 2001 I started a diet, and it was about changing my eating style, my habits. I still to this day, have kept lots of that, like I don't drink sugary drinks,they are empty calories, I don't eat white bread, just whole wheat bread, I try to include vegetables with all our meals, etc. But regardless, I staill gained all 70 lbs I had lost plust extra.

The thought, or them cutting my stomach in two, is scary enough, I feel like I am going to be mutilated, I won't be complete again, but heck, if looking at my self in the mirror, this is complete, then I don't want complete, I take less then half thankyou very much lol.

I have a lot at risk, health, I can't go much longer like this. First, both my grandmothers had diebitis, they both died of complications with this, and had a rough last few years of their life dealing with it all. Both my parents have had heart issues, and last year I started with high bloos preasure for the first time in my life. Then I was sick all winter with colds and pneumonia, just thinking about it makes me want to lock my entire family in the house and don't expose ourselfs to the enviroment and bugs until summer 2008. My husband happen to be in the hospital when I was at my worse, he had emergency surgery due to his guts been full of infections thatnks to his apendis rupturing two days earlier and him refusing to go in, we about lost him. And I had to sleep on a chair upright while I would hear my lungs pop like pop corn, and the doctor say nothing wrong with me. I really honestly thought I was gonna die, each year it gets harder, so it's time, to live or to die, so I think I will fight to live, and this is step one.

My husband will not be in the hospital when I am having the surgery, he says he has to stay back with the kids, which is true if they have to go to school that day, but I thought that for that day he would pull them out of school and make it to see me, but I probably won't see him until he either picks me up at the hospital or I get someone to go pick me up and bring me home, that makes me sad he won't be there, I think I will ask for anxiety medicine when I first get there, just so it nocks me out and I won't care if he is there or not.

I see a big divorce at the end of all this for me, we been there soo many times, almost there that is. But I hope that maybe me loosing the weight will make a difference on how he relates to me, if it don't, the way I see it, is I have better things to worry about, like my kids, then me playing his mind games, gosh that is a long story, but I don't speak out of emotion on this, I speak out of a long history of depression on his end, and him not caring. Last time he got ma a card for either my b-day or Christmas or Valentines, or anything not just a card, was years ago. No wait, 2 b-days ago he showed up home with a diet pepsi for me, guess I was wrong.

lward76 · 12-20-2007, 01:26 PM

Well, hey congrats on your new date!!! That makes me happy to hear!! And you might be surprised if he does show up,if he dont then hes the coward!! and just dont care!! hell let him read these!! I know for me and my husband I thought for sure there was gonna be a divorce but he dramitically changed and is here for me all the time!! Sick or not sick!! He dont buy me cards or flowers but everyday since ive been home from surgery he tells me how much he loves me and if thers anything he can do!! But, on a side note Im not gonna say we dont still have are days we just work through them...gl hon!!