Brutal Honesty from the Bear - ThinnerTimes

bigbearjeff · 12-13-2007, 12:05 PM

I wanted to share something with you. Many of you are contemplating Weight Loss Surgery of some kind. I remember in the beginning when I first considered it. I was so sick of clothes not fitting, feeling like crap, being the biggest person in the crowd. I remember being embarrassed when a chair broke from my weight. I am still paranoid when sitting in small chairs and am cautious to this day. Being overweight DOES suck.

This is VERY serious surgery. They are going to re-arrange your insides, but the thing you will have such a difficult time understanding is what IT WILL AND WILL NOT do to you mentally.

We are all very different mentally and physically. It seems so many of us plan for the physical changes, but not the mental ones. I worried about silly things like, “Oh, I am not going to be able to eat. I will be starving all the time and miserable! Oh woe is me.. blah blah!”. If you are thinking that, STOP and BELIEVE ME. That will not be the case. You will NOT be hungry. So put that worry to rest, but instead you should SERIOUSLY be thinking about getting in enough of what you need such as water and protein. Practice it before hand, I promise you will be so thankful you did.

Let me touch a nerve, not because I want to rile you up, but because I want to touch your heart. The heart, you remember that place, where so many of you have been damaged from the trials of your past. Some people think this surgery is going to change you, and that you will all of a sudden be a completely different person emotionally and mentally. To some degree it is true, but not like most people expect.

If you bitch, whine, and complain all the time before the surgery, then what makes you think you are going to change that after surgery? One year later you will be 100lbs less and still bitching, whining and complaining.

If you are unhappy and mad all the time, then what makes you think that is going to change after the surgery? One year later you will still be unhappy and mad all the time 100lbs smaller.

If you worry all the time, is surgery going to fix that? One year later you will be 100lbs smaller and worrying.

You get the point. As some of you may know I am writing a fiction book, but one day I am going to write a book called “Brutal Honesty – The Blunt truth about life”. If you are “going through something” then get through it. Why stay in it? There is NO reason to tell you “half truths” or what you want to hear.

If I have stepped on your toes, or you have not liked what I have said so far, then good! I have your attention.

Do you think I would ever want to hurt you or discourage you? Absolutely not, but the truth is I want to get your attention NOW! Right now! You are about to walk through a door. It is a door that you really can never come back through, but honestly, would you want to?

This is an opportunity for rebirth, but do you want to birth the same person you have always been? This is a great chance for change in your life. Why would you want to be that old person, when you can be the person you really want to be?

As I asked before, Do you think I would ever really want to hurt you with my words? You are all very precious people. I want to see your lives change and watch each of you morph from that caterpillar that spends all their days feeding on the leaves of a tree into a beautiful butterfly that opens its wings and feasts on the fruits of the flora of life. I don’t know if caterpillars know what they will become one day, but what a change to go from a creature that lugs its body along branches all day eating leaves to this magnificent entity the flies from flower to flower. Ever see a butterfly try to go back and eat leaves? Then why would you? *smile*

I told a friend on here once this analogy about weight loss surgery:

Picture yourself 1000 feet above a sunny beach. You look down and you see a person walking along the beach. This is you before surgery. Then the day of surgery comes and you see there are two people walking on the beach now. You float down closer and see that there are two versions of you. You realize this new person is you after surgery. The two walk together for a while, but finally the “new you” slowly moves away from the old you. They get far enough apart that you have to make a decision about who to follow. Do you follow the same old person that did the same old things, or this new person who shows promise of a new exciting life?

Let this encourage you. This is very much what happens, and what I described is so much more like this than any of you know. This breaking away is very emotional. That old person is taking lots of food issues with them. I chose to let the person disappear into the sunset. You can too.

Now this is not about hating the old you, or disliking the old you, but instead this is about developing the new you. Your body is going to change, your mind is going to change, and with it your spirit will change. Change your routine. Be thankful, be humble, and be kind. Guard your words, guard your heart.

I felt inspired to write this and so I did. May you receive this in the heart it was created.

Warmest Regards,
Jeff

Toony · 12-13-2007, 12:18 PM

Very well said Jeff... Our Big Bear Jeff is a Wise O'l Bear!

And Toony is a Toon... not to say I don't take life seriously --- look at the serious life I have! I just refuse to let life pass me by being all down in the dumps and blue... life is far too short for that!!! ... making lemonade and all that! Giving and accepting hugs wherever/whenever possible!

Warmest Regards back at you Jeff... and to you all on this cold wintery day!

Katie

OsoDelDesierto · 12-13-2007, 03:20 PM

Jeff, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience with us - it's always great to hear what you have to say!

I look forward to releasing my butterfly self someday; until then, I'm biding time as a caterpillar, snackin' on plenty of leaves...

saraczek · 12-13-2007, 03:40 PM

"Picture yourself 1000 feet above a sunny beach. You look down and you see a person walking along the beach. This is you before surgery. Then the day of surgery comes and you see there are two people walking on the beach now. You float down closer and see that there are two versions of you. You realize this new person is you after surgery. The two walk together for a while, but finally the “new you” slowly moves away from the old you. They get far enough apart that you have to make a decision about who to follow. Do you follow the same old person that did the same old things, or this new person who shows promise of a new exciting life?"

That truly moved me to tears...VERY WELL said. For those of us who have made that decision that is precisely what it is like. That is so thoughtful for the newbies...something to think about. I can honestly say since surgery the mental side of things are far worse and more exhausting then any of the physical stuff you go through. Physically for the most part we all know what to expect. Mentally now that is a crap shoot for everyone. There is no way to predict how we as post-opers are gong to handle the enormous changes we go through.

So My point is you are a wonderful caring man...I would buy every book you wrote. I really enjoy your postings whether they are negative or positive, they are ALWAYS thought provoking. I thank you for sharing a piece of yourself every time you post. It is appreciated.

Happy Holidays!

fisher1000 · 12-13-2007, 04:13 PM

You speak the truth, brother!

Well said.

I hope it reaches the ears of those that need to hear it.

-Mike

Andie · 12-13-2007, 06:36 PM

Rock on Jeff...you are an awesome writer and man! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

coptergirl · 12-13-2007, 07:07 PM

As always, Jeff - great post...honest and to the point

kittens4 · 12-13-2007, 08:01 PM

Well said Jeff! Thanks for taking the time to write those words of wisdom.

AnnieH · 12-13-2007, 09:24 PM

Thanks for writing that Jeff. As a pre-op I'm already thinking about all that stuff, my main concern about the other side is not about losing my favorite foods and chocolate, it's about whether I will really change my mind. I think this is why it is so important to have a psychologist who is experienced in bariatric surgery to do your pre-surg evaluation and for me, to commit to ongoing sessions with the same therapist afterwards.
A big fear for me is that once I am 100 pounds smaller that the REAL me may come out - and since I've been sheltered by this huge body since I was 7 or 8, I dont know who she is. I am afraid I wont even like her very much and I need to be prepared to embrace her anyway!

Well written words. They are important for people to read. This surgery is only partly physical, mostly mental!

Thank you!

An

Gwen · 12-14-2007, 12:54 AM

Will definitely add this to the Newbie Thread!!!