How did you get over your fear? - ThinnerTimes

Nette72 · 04-27-2007, 07:20 PM

My surgery isn't until June 4th, but I tell you I am driving myself insane with all this worrying. Yes I am a worry wort, and I know it doesn't do any good at all. But I can't help it. I am literally scared to death of this surgery.

I hear about all the positive out comes from everyone but there can be that one who had complications or didn't make it and that is all I can think about.

The other night I went to a support group meeting and one of the dr's was talking and he was talking about the complications and how he has done over 4500 surgeries and only lost 2.. i flip, in my mind i believe i am going to be one of those. Granted he isn't the one doing my surgery, it is one of the newer dr's who has already done 2 surgeries on me (gall bladder and removed a lypoma) but still, then I start thinking well he is new, anything can happen. He told me during our first meeting that the rate of complications rises from 1% to 2-3% with this surgery. Minor, very minor precentage.

I just don't know how to get over this fear I have. My husband doesn't understand.. I know this is stupid to be this way but I can't help it. I lost my mom 3 years ago when she was 54, that I have never gotten over.

I was "tachy" as they say when I had my c-section last year, I flipped out over that. So that worries me, and of course I am one that gets on this darn computer and starts reading everything that relates to anything they tell me.

I don't know anymore. Guess I am just talking to be talking. I know I have issues, they won't be resolved by the time I have my surgery. It is just something I guess I will have to deal with.

Just wondering if anyone else felt this way and how they got over it, if they even did?

Ronette

Nette72 · 04-27-2007, 07:24 PM

So I go and read this to my husand hoping maybe it would help him understand and what does he tell me,

"You aren't having the surgery, nope you aren't having it, that way it will put your mind to ease"

So glad I decided to read this to him.

I need to have this surgery, I need to do this for my kids, for myslef to be here for my kids. I don't want to be this way anymore. I want to be able to run and play with them, sit on the floor, cross my legs, not get out of breath climbing the stairs, there are so many things I want to be able to do.

Ugh, just frustrated, doesn't mean I can't be scared and have these fears.

Ronette

LisaM · 04-27-2007, 08:16 PM

Of course you're scared! Anyone who doesn't take this surgery very seriously is not very bright--it is a risk. Just try to hang on to "why" you're doing it as much as you can.

The light bulb went off for me when I realized that you never see 300-pound, 70-year-old women. I had somehow in my mind decided that it meant that they lost the weight before then. What actually happens is the 300-pound folks don't MAKE IT to 70. They die before they get there. That's why you're having the surgery--so you get to be around and take care of your husband when he's old and crotchety.

I also made out my will and planned my funeral. I know it's morbid, but it was comforting to me to know that, if the worst happened, my husband wouldn't have to deal with all that while he was grieving over me. Use whatever tools you have at your disposal, remember you have a right to be scared, and try to get your surgery scheduled for first thing in the morning, so you don't have that whole morning to be scared, too. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better.

brittany · 04-27-2007, 10:21 PM

I think a little bit of fear is good.... BUT you should also be excited about your new life you will begin after surgery! I jog now who would have ever thought I could jog!!! I can get ready for work and not be out of breath! There are some things to be excited about. I was TOO stupid to be scared... I know it sounds funny but I had only excitement and when I awoke from surgery I was in utter shock I had not even thought about waking up in pain I just thought about how excited I was to be able to once and for all loose weight! I had not discovered the forum prior to surgery so I didn't get any input. I have had a textbook surgery and weight loss. Are you more afraid of pain or complications? I must say there is pain involved but I did not go through any complication.... The worst thing that happened to me is about 2 mon. post op I ate and didn't chew well and I threw up for 3 hours! I wouldn't even think of that as a true complication. Get excited about the life changes that are about to happen for you it is amazing the things you will be able to do after surgery just crossing your legs for the first time is exciting! BUT again I believe a little fear is good. This is true real surgery I do wish I would have realized that and not taken it so lightly! I am glad I realized after surgery that it was real because I think that is what helps with the success of your weight loss. Just know you have been given this opportunity that not everyone gets and you were given this opportunity for a reason. It is OK and your feelings are normal.

PepsiGuru · 04-29-2007, 11:23 AM

My surgery is Thursday, May 3, and I have never in my life been hospitalized for any reason what-so-ever. I have seen the videos, read all the forums, read the books, and guess what ? I'm Scared Shitless Here Too !

I'm a man, I'm hispanic (from the Dominican Republic) and have been raised in a macho-man style life. Men aren't afraid of a little bit of pain. BULLSHIT ! I'm scared. . .

. . . now, the question is, is this going to stop me ? HELL NO. I have been after this surgery for way too long to turn back now.

You have to sit back and look at the big picture. Is all this really worth the worrying and the pain that you might feel ? HELL YES IT IS ! ! !

Remember, you are doing this by choice. No one has a gun to your head telling you to do this. So if there has ever been a time to be brave, this is it. So suck it up and deal with it. And stop worrying

________________________
Irving
41.1 BMI
'Liquid Diet'
Surgery: May 3, 2007 @ 9:00am

LisaBoston · 04-29-2007, 12:06 PM

I started fretting right after my consult. At the time he schedule my surgery for 10 months later...I couldn't sleep for over a week. Then a week later I got a call asking if I wanted surgery in 10 days. YOU BET. I didn't have time to worry then.

Make a pro/con list and post it on the fridge...remind yourself of all the reasons you are having surgery. It will be a rough month, but you will be fine.

I have my abdomnioplasy the same day as you are having your RNY...so we can be long distance pod-mates....

lward76 · 04-29-2007, 12:09 PM

Hi, being scared is normal....I have ocd...and trust me that didnt help things here on my end...but i learned to talk to myself...kinda funny though cuz i do it all the time...my fear was dieing!! I am here and well...but even without the ocd i think everyone is scared somewhat!! And my husband was sorta the same way!! But, then i just told him either support me with this or were just not gonna work, and that is what I finally had to tell him!! Ok and with my mom talking to him and surgeron!! After that he has supported me 100% and now after surgery he has been so wonderful...as i was thinking he wasnt gonna help me but he has phy and mentally...i really do love him and I know he loves me cuz i am such a wine bag!!lol...btw we have been together since 9th grade and I new he would help in the end!! Good luck!! You will do fine just try to do other things till then...dont sit and wonder what is going to go wrong trust your surgeron!!!!

CJ Skinner · 04-29-2007, 12:14 PM

remember hero's are just people whom are tired, hungry, fed us with the situatuion and realize its time to take matters into their own hands. Be a hero. You can live and lose all you diabeties, highblood preasure meds, by smaller clothing (iin a normal store instead of a plus size store) and live to a ripe old age of what ever the lord gives you. it is up to you. this isnt for your children, your hisband or anyone else. THIS IS FOR you and you alone. You deserve this chance. Take it. I also had a will and living will all filed before i went in and the first thing I did when I woke up was thank the lord i was alive. You will be too. maybe someone to talk to about your fears ( a professional mught be in order). just a thought. This too shall pass. clint

(400/232/200)
before/now/goal

AriesGirl78 · 04-29-2007, 04:40 PM

When reading your post, I thought "that sounds a lot like me". I am a nervous wreck for my appointment with the surgeon! I know this is something I need to do for myself, my husband, and my family. I think it is normal to be nervous and scared. Just know you are not alone and others feel the same way you do!!

Best of luck...
Renee

Starla · 04-29-2007, 05:10 PM

Its so normal to be scared, I think we all were. I was petrified day of surgery. I had made the drive to the hospital 1 week earlier and gotten all the way down to the holding room outside the operating room only to have the Nurse say "UT OHHHH" I am "UT OHHHH" what???? She walked out and my surgeon walked in and said we had to cancel surgery, that I had a UTI (turned out to be a kidney stone) so I had to leave and start a regimen of antibiotics. I was scheduled for the following week again, but for that whole week I was a mess, thinking maybe this just isnt suppose to be, yep I fought a year for this, had to file a State Appeal and won, but I always say "everything happens for a reason", maybe I am just not suppose to do this. I cannot tell you how many times I almost said turn the car around, take me home on that next drive to the hospital, I was in a petrified state that whole time checking in, getting to prep room, (where my Nurse from the week before had flowers waiting for me, she was the sweetest) and now we go down to holding room again where I am told, well still have some infection but we are going to operate today. OK OK OK, last week you said we cant, now we can?? Well lets go do it. My poor anethesiologist, I was in tears, he came over and calmed me down and said OK Starla going to give you a little Versaid (hmmm spelling) and all I remember was saying "OHHHH I feel better" Next I was waking up in recovery thanking God I had made it through. Sometimes I think fear is a great motivator, helps us remember why we are doing this. Sorry to have rambled on, but I wish you lots of luck and the best. See you on the losers side soon.