Huge Issue w/ Family! - ThinnerTimes

Kelly · 12-27-2004, 01:17 PM

I need to vent...X-Mas Eve my family went to Grandma's house...my Aunte approaches me and says she just had a friend's friend DIE on the opperating table getting WLS. They live in Cammarillo, CA. She said her friend was as healthy as fat people can be (whatever that means) and died from complications. LIKE I DO NOT KNOW THIS! Why can't family keep their mouth shut...I know the pros & cons, and my pros far out weight the cons. I looked at her very sternly and said this is not what I need to hear now, all I need is support because I have already made up my mind. But of course this is weighing on me...now I am totally scarred! I do not want to leave this WORLD, I have two small boys that I want to watch grow up! But I do not want to talk myself out of it due to dumb ass remarks!

HELP!

Christina · 12-27-2004, 01:40 PM

People will try and talk you out of it.. they did me as well. They told me all of the horror stories and whatnot. However, like you, I had already made up my mind about having the surgery. I knew from what my Doctor had said, that I would not live to see my 35th Birthday if I didn't do something and do it NOW! I figured I would rather die trying to improve my life, than to die of obesity related causes having to be creamated because nobody would be able to carry my coffin..

So that is what I told people.. (The ones who were worried about me dying) I said I would rather die trying than to die because I didn't. And to be honest with you my friend, that is where your life is heading.. your children would grow up with a less than active mom and one they will one day be embarrassed by (Not their fault at all either because other kids are totally mean) And with this surgery you do have a chance of dying.. with an appendectomy you do too.. my biggest fear was a blood clot.. that is why I started walking right out of recovery.. and I totally recommend it for all who have surgery.. walk your butt off.. also you may leave them early because you died of heart failure or any other complications that come with being morbidly obese.. I know you don't want that.. so you are doing what you need to do for you and your family. Your kids will have this new mom that is so active and plays with them all of the time.. and being as young as your kids are I am sure you are always just exhaused.. pretty soon you won't feel that way.. well sometimes you will.. but it won't be as bad. My best advice would be to do something I did before my surgery.. I wrote letters to everyone in my family.. I got all my paperwork in order in the event of a tragedy.. basically I went in expecting to die..and every day I have lived after that has been a blessing in my eyes. I didn't want to die, but I was prepared. You could even write letter that your boys would open when they were old enough to understand.. and tell them that you did this for them and yourself and that your love for them made you want to be healthier and stuff like that.. whatever your feelings are. It helps to know that you have been able to say what you needed to say before you go under the knife. Nobody can predict what the outcome will be, however I can tell you that Dr. Callery is a wonderful surgeon and so is Dr. Potts.. they don't take chances with their patients.. you are in good hands. I am sure everything is going to be fine, but nobody can say for sure what will happen. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this emotional time. Also know this is TOTALLY NORMAL to be feeling this way right now.. we're here for ya girlfriend.. we love you.. and we will be there to make you walk so you don't get a blood clot.

Others tried to talk me out of it by saying that I was taking "the easy way out" and I can't tell you how much that comment ticks me off. Others said "thats pretty drastic" or "Can't you just eat less?" Some people can be so ignorant.. I say walk a day in my shoes, then you may judge me. That is why I try not to judge anyone, because I have not walked in their shoes.

Love,

bridgetgirl · 12-27-2004, 02:23 PM

Perhaps your aunt's friend died at the hands of an incapable surgeon. Perhaps she was a smoker or had other respratory problems that caused her death... the surgeon wont kill you. Dr C and Dr P are very capable and skilled surgeons! Dont get freaked out by that, dont listen to the what if's.. sure people wont make it...as some would be mom's who give birth wont make it, a guy who needs an angioplasty wont make it.. a guy who trips and falls, shakes it off laughs it off then later dies of a blood clot dont make it... everyday as we go on with out lives doing the most mondain tasks are a risk.... dont worry about the what ifs... wonder about how frigging great your going to feel in a matter of months.. that your energy is going to sky rocket and your gonna be able to run with your kids, and not get out of breath... as you slim down your children will become more and more proud of you... mine have. I have a 9 and 6 year old and they love how I look now.... you are making the right choice. Dont sweat it... "there is nothing more upsetting but thinking makes it so."

You will be okay, I had my surgery in Feb. and I dont know of one person not making it... there have been complications and you deal with those one day at a time... and our Dr's dont keep those complications or fatalitites from us... they are very honest. Your gonna do well... just like the rest of us... you deserve this, dont look back.. look straight ahead and embrace your new life.

Kelly · 12-27-2004, 03:09 PM

Both of you are totally awsome (sp?) both of you brought tears to my eyes. it is very very true that tis is the best option for me...I have diabetes and the though of possibly loosing that thrills me. My rationalisum is, if not now, then who knows when it will be life threatening for me to have some other surgery due to MO!!! I could die then too. Your sugestion to write a letter to my boys is a great idea, hard to grasp, but good idea. I will prob. cry my way through writing the letter.

I am taking my mom & husband to the orientation (required by Kelly) tomorrow for FYI for them because they had so many questions, so I will ask Alicia where I am at in dictation (1 week out...YAH!)

Thanks for listening and being there for me! I really needed it.

bridgetgirl · 12-27-2004, 03:16 PM

No problem sugar pea! Your gonna do wonderful, I just know it! I have 2 little one's of my own, they were worried, especially my little guy, but I told him how things were going to be for me/us after I had the surgery. I talked to them about it, they understood and were prepared.. (as well as 2 little guys like that can be) They came through it with flying colors as well... head up, stay strong... we love your face!

Tara · 12-27-2004, 05:52 PM

Kelly,
I went through the same things with my mom early on. She would give me every negative story cut out from magazines or newspapers. She would tape all of the talk shows about WLS. Then she finally realized this was something that I wanted so bad NO ONE was going to talk me out of it. She finally opened her mind up and saw the positive aspects and now is fully supportive. I still get the occasional letter, like this weekend from my aunt, saying I am really not sure about your choice, but I take it like a grain of salt because I am positive that I am making the right decision! The letter writing that the girls suggested is something that I have been planning on. I figure it's going to be emotional but I always try to leave all of my relationships as if there is nothing left to say. So if something would happen to me today, everyone that knows me would pretty much know how I feel about them.
On another note, I called the office today because no one ever called me back Wednesday. They didn't seem too happy with me but, oh well! Alicia said I'm out of dictation but Leslie is out of the office all week, so that means another week until my paperwork is submitted to insurance. Waiting, waiting,waiting. So that is my update.
It helps to hear how you are doing because it seems like we are going through the same emotions, so I know I'm not alone. Hope you had a good holiday.

Kelly · 12-27-2004, 07:55 PM

Thanks everyone for the emotional help...very nice to know you are not the only one...right Tara!
Cool Tara, Your out of dictation!!! Awesome! At least your out of that, one more step. I am going in tomorrow for the orientation (second time) and taking my mom & hubby. I will talk with Alicia then. I am also going to the pre-op support group I think 1/7? Are you going Tara? If I am not out by 1/7 I will ask again at the support group and should be.

Thanks again...I feel much better.

watergirl · 12-28-2004, 06:48 AM

I wrote letters to my family too before surgery. I cried my way through them. Video taping would have been nice too. My son is 12 and daughter 9, I cried so much thinking of them growing up without a mother. Then I would think of the mother I had become. I could not do anything with them or for them, I was not the mother to them that I wanted to be with the weight I was carrying and the co-morbidities.

I wish you nothing but peace during the next part of your journey.

triciaknox · 12-29-2004, 12:19 PM

I wrote letters to my son, to my best friend, to my mom, and to my sister. I cried through most of them. My sister tried her best to talk me out of the surgery, she is bigger than I was. Turned out she was jealous, her doctor is against the surgery and her insurance won't cover it she says. I told her to switch doctors and keep trying! I have had numerous people tell me of all these people that died from the surgery. So what. I would not have lived much longer at the rate I was going and I KNOW that. We are all gonna die sometime, I just chose to try to delay my own death a little.

bridgetgirl · 12-29-2004, 12:27 PM

I tell folks, for everyone person who died I'll show you 200 who didnt. This procedure is becoming so routine, there are far less complications from it then 5 years ago.....the survivors far out rule 200 to 1! This surgery is the best thing a MO person could ever hope for... the other day I was laying on my back and had my feet resting on top of my headboard and I looked down across my body and I still cant believe this is my body.. being slim and feeling great..its amazing. crouching and running were two things I use to regret doing... now I do it all the time and while Im doing it all that runs through my head is how amazing it is... I feel so lucky! Still in awe... like I won the lottery... still.