About being honest - ThinnerTimes

Americanwoman397 · 10-20-2004, 02:07 PM

Ok guys we were talking about being honest and I'm going to own up to something that no one knows. I feel like I'm failing so bad now. I haven't even realized I was doing this until today. My down food before surgery was chips. I loved chips and I could eat a lot of them.

I realized today I think I'm falling back into that. My family has not changed how they eat really at all. That is why I need all your support. About 3 or 4 weeks ago I had 2 chips and realized I didn't get sick from them. Then about a week or so ago I started having 5 chips when I wanted them. I don't do it everyday but its become a habbit every couple of days. Why am I doing this? I eat so healthy and feel like crap after I do that. See I'm telling you I need help. I don't know what to do and I'm being honest. Sitting here typing this I know I'm cheating and I just want to cry because I did not go through all of this to fail myself and become the old me. Ok now I'm crying this is scary I don't know why I'm doing this to myself.

Red Feather · 10-20-2004, 02:13 PM

here's a kleenex. That is so sad. I hate it when I beat myself up - you're trying I'm sure. Why do you think you're doing that? A little self distruction? Do you think you are afraid to be successful? Some of us are. Wish I could help - I'm a good listener, and reader if it would make you feel better.

Americanwoman397 · 10-20-2004, 02:35 PM

You know I do notice that I'm afraid to be successful. I picked a fight last night with my new boy for no reason. I was just being a big witch with a b. I'm sure hoping that on Friday she can help a little. You know I have been going through so many changes that I think I'm not dealing as well as I'm fronting to everyone I am. For the first time in my life right now I feel like I can be honest about anything and everything. I'm so afraid with all I'm going through. I don't know how to deal with a lot of it.

Changes I'm going through or been through in six months

1. Surgery on 7/16
2. Losing 70lbs
3. Losing my best friend in food
4. Emotions going crazy for no reason at all
5. New boyfriend
6. Getting back into school
7. People at work treating me different
8. Guys telling me how good I look
9. My family not suporting me in the way I need

That is just a few I can think of right now. I'm so afraid of failing that I don't know what to do.

Red Feather · 10-20-2004, 02:43 PM

Are you seeing someone Friday? Maybe you could try to deal with the things that you do have control over - Like Surgery! - it's behind you - Losing weight - That's what you wanted right? #3 A BIGGIE! Have you really addressed that one? Grief is a bummer, it takes a long time to (and frankly you never get all the way over losing someone/something) get where you're feeling better about the loss! I hate to say this but maybe you're not ready for a new beau - I'd address the people at work and graciously accept the "new" onlookers - as for your family - maybe they should get involved in some counseling with you - just a thought -
Anyway, look up sweetie - you have your whole life ahead of you!
PS - did that help at all? 8)

Blueyz · 10-20-2004, 02:52 PM

Tonya,
If it means anything, you are not alone. I am totally doing the chip thing. It is scary. Look at it this way. We are no longer polishing off the whole bag of chips. Give yourself a little break and call me when you pick up those chips. I am having trouble right now, too. Snapping at everyone. I hope if you can't call me, call someone when you have the chip craving. It really helps. Email me or something. That, too will keep your mind off of them. I will talk you out of eating them if necessary.

Love ya girl!!!

watergirl · 10-20-2004, 02:54 PM

Don't beat yourself up over this! Good for you for sharing. You go to the gym, you've got a trainer, and you're very successful at loosing weight. The whole trick is not starting to eat the foods that got you into trouble in the first place and try to burn more calories than you put in. You said today in chat that you haven't lost any weight in the last two weeks. You are probably gaining muscle weight, that's good! But maybe the chips have something to do with it too. Take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself! Treat yourself like you'd treat your best friend!

Americanwoman397 · 10-20-2004, 02:58 PM

Yes it does thanks

Americanwoman397 · 10-20-2004, 03:35 PM

Thanks Dale and Kim that's what I need to here.

Dale I will take you up on that and call you next time I go to pick that bag up. You do the same. We will be the no chip snacking girls...LOL

bridgetgirl · 10-20-2004, 03:41 PM

You know what I got? A big bag of carrots that are cut like chips! I know its not the same salty goodness as the potato chips but grab a bag of those, some good dip and viola, isnt gratification without all the harsh calories! Just make sure you get a healthy type of dip... or make hummus!

Ps I ate an old fashioned donut today... It took me 3 hours, tasted delicious! I dont feel bad about it too much... one in 3 hours beats 3 in 10 minutes like the old me would have done. Just breath chicken.....

barbana64 · 10-20-2004, 03:41 PM

Hi Tonya: What a huge step you are taking here. Honesty is really difficult to achieve when we have allowed some things to slip by in the past. The hard part is expecting everyone else to grow when we are growing! Especially family! Change is really hard; you decided to go forward with this big change in your life. But others who love us are "forced" to change their attitudes, actions, thoughts, etc. about us. As we get into OUR changes; losing weight, feeling better, feeling better about ourselves, recognizing that we can treat ourselves better, etc., the rest of the world MUST change too. Of course, THEY didn't make a conscious decision to do it.

It becomes easy for us to look for the old rut because we are out there alone; being successful, beginning to look better, and it can be scary. Our families, loved ones, etc. are frightened too. As we run back to the old rut (eating chips, not taking care of ourselves) we discover WE DO NOT FIT in the old rut any more...so we accept the new changes, and continue. You are right on track. You are breaking up the old routine; you are weeping as you write and discover you DO NOT FIT there anymore...so the honesty comes and you are freed from one more chain that made and kept you in the old mode.

You are lovely
You are intelligent
You are strong
You are growing
You are changing
You have decided to be honest
You will succeed!

Hang in there Honey, I know you will make it. Now blow your nose, reach into your pocket and pull out that smile and put it on that lovely face...because you are not only lovely, you are HONEST.

Barb C.
Open/Callery
7/14/04
239/189/134