everything changes - ThinnerTimes

mbrace · 06-07-2006, 06:50 PM

Well guys I have lost alot of weight, I look good I feel good and I am loving my life everything has changed Except one thing my husband, I know I don't post here often but I am scared to say what I am thinking out loud. Before I blamed everything on being fat Billy doesn't want to go with me because I am fat he doesn't want to sit on the couch with me because I am fat everything goes back to being fat..... well I am not fat anymore really and nothing has changed I know that he is proud of me but he does not show emotion he does not act like he needs or wants me there is no passion he is a lump on my couch We have to kids and I feel bad about not being with him for the kids he is a good dad he is a good provider I know he loves me but I don't think that he is IN LOVE with me if that makes sence I think he is here out of obligation the same way that I am feeling I tried to talk to him but I don't know how to get it out right he got mad and told me that if I leave and make him live without his kids he will hate me I do not want hate

I am so confused thanks for listening

laura · 06-07-2006, 07:27 PM

I am very sorry your having a hard time. It seems like life is always through us hoops to jump through. I cannot offer you much advise because I have not been in your shoes but what I can say is that if you love him and you want it to work, get counseling. Beg him, plead with him, demand of him that he go with you. Do what ever you can to make him understand that you want to make things better. If he will not go with you, go for yourself. I am a firm believer that we can all use a couple counseling sessios at any given time just to put things in perspective. If not to save your marrige, counseling will help you save yourself. Good luck to you.

lealphachienne · 06-07-2006, 08:50 PM

We often use our fatness as an excuse for all the misery we live through. The fatness is just a symptom of an underlying problem. Losing weight can change yourself, but it doesn't necassarily change those around you. Counseling is a start as there are many more issues to discover. Also, you are more aware of things because you are more aware of yourself.

Mavisavis · 06-08-2006, 11:06 AM

Hey Melissa, glad to see you back around. If you ever need to talk or get away for awhile I can email you my phone number. I am sorry you are going through this, and I wish I had answers. I know the bits you've told me and I doubt the problem is much on your part. It is normal given his background. He is going to have to want counseling and be willing to dig deep, and many people find that too scary. You will have to be strong in whatever course you decide. We are here for you. You should be very proud of your progress. Don't let the strides you make be overpowered by your new clarity. You are awesome!

delilah storm · 06-10-2006, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mbrace

Well guys I have lost alot of weight, I look good I feel good and I am loving my life everything has changed Except one thing my husband, I know I don't post here often but I am scared to say what I am thinking out loud. Before I blamed everything on being fat Billy doesn't want to go with me because I am fat he doesn't want to sit on the couch with me because I am fat everything goes back to being fat..... well I am not fat anymore really and nothing has changed I know that he is proud of me but he does not show emotion he does not act like he needs or wants me there is no passion he is a lump on my couch We have to kids and I feel bad about not being with him for the kids he is a good dad he is a good provider I know he loves me but I don't think that he is IN LOVE with me if that makes sence I think he is here out of obligation the same way that I am feeling I tried to talk to him but I don't know how to get it out right he got mad and told me that if I leave and make him live without his kids he will hate me I do not
I am so confused thanks for listening

Hi Melissa! I feel what you are going through have been there myself and can only attempt to encourage you that where there is love there is hope and that in our lifetime there are changes to every aspect in our daily lives. Love can go through "cycles of changes" and this could be for years!!! It could be depression or fear that is the lack of motivation on his part , (maybe he doesn't like himself or maybe that's just "who he is" ... it could be just a big "rut" of time and energy spent on working and daily routine which many of us are unable to work around or introduce new hobbies to spark up the romance / friendship a little more. . . All I can say is continue on with your love of yourself , your health and children and follow what you think is best if all else fails !!! Good Luck and Blessings ! Denise

LisaM · 06-10-2006, 05:00 PM

Not trying to be a downer, but it's about expectations. You expected that, when you changed, he would change. He didn't. You can either live with it or try to change it. And by "it" I mean how you feel about the situation. As someone who tried to change her husband for 25 years, I'm here to tell you--they don't change. Once I gave in and loved him anyway, things got a lot better.