I think I finally understand anorexia - ThinnerTimes

LisaM · 12-08-2005, 09:30 PM

First, apologies to those who have suffered from anorexia or loved an anorexic. I mean no disrespect.

A lot of what I've read on eating disorders says that anorexia is often a control issue. And for the first time in my life, I feel I am consistently in control of what I eat instead of some half-understood urges. There's power in this tool! And in a life that's not terribly under control at the moment, the urge to adjust my eating is becoming hard to resist.

I've been tracking my calories, not trying to control them per se. It started with counting my protein and calcium, then I started trying to figure out what is the best balance to continue losing weight. And the thought crossed my mind today... if I'm losing this much weight at 700 calories a day, how well would I do at 600? or 500? And scared the bejesus out of myself.

I know my appetite will come back when my honeymoon period is over... and I need to resist the urge to overcontrol my eating in the meantime. I think it's time for me to back off counting calories, for one thing, though I do still need to track my protein. Any other suggestions?

eyesthatkissu · 12-08-2005, 09:34 PM

Having suffered from anorexia, control is definitely an issue. It's the issue. And even now, I find myself falling into those dangerous habits. It's a hard demon to conquer. Keep track of the important things, your protein, your hydration, making certain you are getting all your vitamins. And avoid things like the scale, and calorie counting. At least that's what I'm going to try and do. This tool is awesome, and it will work for us. Let's just make sure to not sabotage our good health!!

LisaM · 12-09-2005, 06:07 AM

I really appreciate you understanding, and not just blowing it off...I KNOW how obsessed I can get - it's actually part of the reason for my success as a consultant. I focus single-mindedly on a project until it's done. I don't want this journey to become another project.

Dyann · 12-09-2005, 08:53 AM

As I am pre-op I can not speak from experience. I do think that after all of this time and build up to have this surgery and all the rumination that went into the decision, I would not be surprised if an equal amount of dedication goes into the post op dietary issues. All of that energy needs to be channeled somewhere so why not for something good...taking care of yourself. At least you recognized your tendency and you do know that less calories, vitamins, protein is not better. I wish you the best of luck and you will be successful.

LisaBoston · 12-09-2005, 09:09 AM

As a pre-op I am concerned about how obsessed I am becoming about weight and that my focus will be on food afterwards. I guess I got fat, because I didn't think about food enough...now that all I think about. I can only hope that after the surgery, my body will help my brain and I will try to plan my meals for the day and then GET ON WITH MY DAY so that food doesn't have to be the focus. I have 3 great hobbies that restrict me from eating while doing the activities (making cards, computers and genealogy). You can't have uckky hands when doing any of these!

LisaM - I think you hit the nail right on the head.

bridgetgirl · 12-09-2005, 10:21 AM

I wonder if I could possibly be heading down that same path. I was talking to another stapler sister about how easy it is to choose not to eat at all. That I have total control of it. When I am upset I dont stuff my face like the "old days", now I chose not to eat at all.... its like I do it to myself on purpose, a total control issue. I read labels on foods too, count calories I dont want to give myself excess, does that make sense? Its like I do it on purpose to punish myself and that punishment is what numbs my emotions and my feelings. I know this is unhealthy thinking, but it is how Im thinking..... I dont think I need intervention or anything.
The tough part about WLS is is that with our life long battles with our weight we are trying to control something, mask something, hids from something. So now the weight is off, done with the battle, i cant hide 'cuz Im tall, slender and attractive now..... but Im still battling with how do I numb my feelings when Im upset...... does it make sense? Can anyone relate? I know its a problem to think like that, I have recognized it and addressed it, but how do you get out from underneath that kind of thinking.
Robin, what helped you?

LisaM · 12-09-2005, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

but how do you get out from underneath that kind of thinking?

That's it - that's it exactly. I know I'm doing it, I know I'm obsessing. How do I stop?

bridgetgirl · 12-09-2005, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LisaM

That's it - that's it exactly. I know I'm doing it, I know I'm obsessing. How do I stop?

Perhaps we can find the answer together Lisa. Its uncomfotable to think like that, but for some reason that kind of thinking doesnt bother me, although I know its not healthy. We will do it together chicken!

LisaM · 12-09-2005, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

Perhaps we can find the answer together Lisa. Its uncomfotable to think like that, but for some reason that kind of thinking doesnt bother me, although I know its not healthy. We will do it together chicken!

You got it, my long, tall friend... I'll help you if you'll help me... because ladies and gentlemen, we can do ANYthing if we do it together.