something to ponder and reflect - ThinnerTimes

bridgetgirl · 08-23-2004, 04:29 PM

I got this information from a different support group and wanted to know what you guys think:

As a preop have you considered the changes you might go through? As a postop, has your experience changed your relationship with THEM? Would you rather interact with US? Do you find it difficult to communicate on a meaningful level with THEM? Is it easier and more comfortable to talk or write or play with one of US for you? I know most of us have an SO / Partner / Spouse that is a THEM. Are you able to communicate effectively your feelings and needs with THEM? Is there a level of empathy you find missing and wish you had? Do THEY really understand the depth of your changes? And are THEY comfortable with that?

Christina · 08-23-2004, 07:33 PM

Bridget,

Your post was great. Thanks for sharing. I know for myself in my instance, the relationship thing has a bond that cannot be broken because of the surgery. Had I not had this surgery, I would never have seen Stuart again, possibly, and we wouldn't be engaged now. So for that I am thankful, along with many other reasons for having the surgery.

This is a group you said? I'm not sure what you meant by the THEM and US thing but I feel comfortable around most people nowadays. I can't say that I hang out with a lot of my OLD friends that I use to, but I stopped doing that years ago because of my fear of being in the public eye and my low self esteem. They are still very much a part of my life through telephone conversations and whatnot but most have moved away. I have found a signifigant bond with the people in this forum and feel as if these are the strongest most meaningful relationships I have ever had. We have a bond, we have a connection, and we have each other.. who could ask for more?

brutherford · 08-23-2004, 09:19 PM

That's a great post, Bridge. I do feel that there is an US and THEM, but I don't feel that it hampers my relationships for the most part. I have just gotten accustomed to the fact that no one other than the people on this Forum (and those of you that I see regularly) really understands what's going on with me in relation to the surgery and the post-op experience. However, it doesn't preclude me from having meaningful relationships with friends and family members. Many of my relationships with non-WLS people have improved - I was surprised to find that people felt closer to me when I started sharing my weight loss struggles with them. Then, after surgery, many people are riding my "Inspiration Train" so to speak - so many have joined me for walks, 5K training, tennis, etc. They're using me to help lift themselves out of some rut, and it's fine with me because I really don't have to do anything different than what I already intend to do.

However, as inspired or close that my friends and family feel, if I have any issues or need to discuss what's going on with my current metamorphasis, then I know there's only one group of people who can help me - you guys. This is why starting a weekend group is so important to me - I really miss the connection. There's a few things that have bothered me over the past few weeks that I've really needed to talk about with members of this group, but they're too long to post, and I really want the face-to-face time. I can't wait to see you guys in a few weeks!

lealphachienne · 08-23-2004, 11:17 PM

Hmm, interesting. I've always been such a blabber, so I don't think being a post-op hinders communication for. I've always been frank, upfront, and sometimes crass. However, I do believe that my priorities are different now than when pre-op. As pre-op, it's about the frustrating obsession to get approved. Now it's the obsession to find the most tasteful and nutritious food that fits inside a golfball.

bridgetgirl · 08-24-2004, 10:30 AM

First of all Marie, you are a funny girl... your killing me!

I definitely feel closer to my WLS brothers and sisters more then many of my pre op pals... I feel like we (US) have a special bond and can relate to things. Probably because we talk about our feelings rather than stuffing our mouths with food! Also you care that BMI is low, or we care when you d/c your meds or you get happy when you finally reach the weight on your drivers liscense!!! (sp?) Or how about when you finally wear a size 18 again, for most of us we wore that in grade school! My friends laugh, and say great but they just cant understand how great those things feel.
Also, they cant relate with regard to wanting to change, they think because of the surgery I changed... but I look at it as since the surgery Ive had to face many demons now that my comfort zone, my safe haven has been taken away from me.. so internally Ive had to deal with alot of stuff and realized that I didnt like alot of things or people I was around. They are selfish, unhopeful, problematic people.. who wants to deal with that when you have great support from our new friends, the ones who have been there and can understand. SYMPATHY vs EMPATHY US vs THEM
I believe that THEM can be great listeners and someone to lean on, but one of US doesnt need to say anything, just a look or a hug can tell it all... I feel like I have a connection with my WLS siters and brothers that cant be measured.... I love you all, thanks for listening.

watergirl · 08-24-2004, 10:36 AM

Well said ladies!