"The Easy Way Out" Comments!!!! - GRRRRRRRRRR - ThinnerTimes

LisaP · 11-30-2005, 03:10 PM

I have been so depressed this week! I talked to my Best Friend Monday night. During our conversation she basically told me I took the easy way out by having the bypass surgery! I am so angry and hurt!! I am soooo tired of hearing this crap from uneducated people! This coming from someone who knows how it feels to be overweight, she lost over 100 pounds three years ago, she was lucky and was able to do it using Weight Watchers program. I have struggled for the past 12 years (my whole life really) with my weight and trying to lose it, so this surgery was not an overnight decision. The past 3 years have been a roller coaster – with my experience with the Lap-Band and the surgeries to replace the broken ports the last one being in September, which is when I decided to have a revision to the Bypass. So for her to tell me I took the easy way out – I just want to smack her!!! I know it is mostly out of jealousy, she has gained back 50 pounds out of the 120 she lost and has had a hard time trying to lose weight recently. But I am not competing with her! I did this for my health and my ultimate goal to have a baby in the near future!

I am very blessed, my family has been 100% supportive every inch of the way! Two other very close friends of mine are wonderful, they are my cheerleaders – every week they ask me how much I lost and cheer me on. It Just hurts that my best friend can’t be there for me.

Also, hard dealing with emotions when my crutch and Best Friend used to be food. Still trying to figure out how to deal with the loss of food as a companion. In the old days I would have gone for a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and so on......... Now, I feel like I just stay angry. I am learning, but I don’t regret one minute of this WLS experience – it is the best thing I ever did!

I also am so grateful to have found this board and all of you wonderful people! You all are a godsend! I know I do not post often but I am here reading on a daily basis! Thanks a million to all of you!!!

lealphachienne · 11-30-2005, 03:29 PM

I heard it in the beginning, but as they watched the struggle, they don't feel that way anymore. Even now, after it's all said and done, I get a few people say, "I think I'll just do it the old fashioned way. What you went through isn't easy and I couldn't do it." Sometimes from those who could benefit from WLS the most.

Alleusion · 11-30-2005, 03:31 PM

It's definately not the easy way out. I guess I'm lucky in that no one has told me that yet. My father didn't approve, as he saw the hell my mother went through having a BPD, but didn't say it was the easy way out. Like you said, undereducated people don't understand.

Bypassingme619 · 11-30-2005, 04:17 PM

Lisa I just want to give you a big hug. I know exactly what you are going through. I have a friend who I know in the back of her mind she feels the same. She as well is dealing with weight issues and hasn't in no way shown any type of support of encouragment. But I am honestly OK with that. I rather seperate the real from the fake suring my great change in life. Last thing I need is a "hater" on my team. Have you told your girlfriend how you feel about her reaction toward your WLS? I know it is easier said then done but communication is very key in order to understand. I am sure there is a lot of jealousy there with your friend but if her jealousy is so great that she can't encourage and celebrate your progress then maybe you should re-evalute your friendship. I hope it all works out and maybe you two can come to some sort of agreement to support eachother, workout plan meals together, etc.

LisaP · 11-30-2005, 04:39 PM

Thanks Denise!

I have confronted her and in the nicest way possible and she was 100% defensive. I almost wish I never said anything – that is how unbelievable her answer was! She just went on and on about how it is so easy because the weight just falls off.... so her issues are mainly jealousy but she won’t admit it. It hasn’t been that easy for me, there is work on our parts, it is a life-style change, not just *poof* your skinny now. But I give up on trying to convince her. I just decided to avoid the topic, not talk about WLS or my progress. It will definitely put a big void in our friendship but there is not much more I can do. I need to surround myself with positive people not people who are going to bring me down.

Thank you for the **hugs** I needed that!

bridgetgirl · 11-30-2005, 04:40 PM

or do you guys notice is usually our overweight friends and relatives that say this stuff? My overweight friends started dieting frantically when I told them I had a date, they were chubby but I was always the fat friend... the fattest of us all. As they lost weight I would cheer them on, as they failed, they grew "tired" of hearing about my surgery... hell I was SICK I needed support!

Anyways I just think its bizarre who ourown MO peeps resent us. My girlfriends who are thin, have always been here for me and encouraged me all the way!

LisaP · 11-30-2005, 04:43 PM

100% agree with you Bridget!

My friends who are sooooooo supportive may have small weight issues but are not MO. ANd they are wonderful!!! They do struggle with weight and understand it isnt easy but they have been the best!

Mavisavis · 11-30-2005, 05:39 PM

I don't indulge the easy out discussion with people who've not had it. To compare them, they have to have the same outcome. If you can be successful using either method, then I guess you can judge which is easier FOR YOU. Since I couldn't succeed with diet and exercise, then wls surgery was the ONLY way out. It wasn't/isn't easy though.

coptergirl · 11-30-2005, 06:08 PM

WE know it isn't easy because we have reasearched it to death and experienced it (wel...not me...yet). The people who say this are either overweight and fearful of the new you because they know that this works, or simply ignorant. Once you have the surgery, if they are still around and see what you go through, I would think they would take a big bite of humble pie!

veroniquetalk · 11-30-2005, 06:39 PM

Honestly, having this surgery has been so much easier for me than what I went through and how I tormented my body before I had it done. Let's see.....I was once bulimic after I had lost about 75 lbs because I was so scared to gain the weight back - this surgery is so much easier (and healthier) than anything I went through with that. I once went to the Weight Loss Clinic and went on their 500 calorie diet - I lost a ton of weight - and was hungry quite a bit of time. I would tormnent myself with thoughts of what a slob I was if I ate anything above those 500 calories. This surgery has been so much easier than anything I went through then. Most recently I went on Optifast - a liquid diet except for one protein bar a day. Talk about bad for your body and mind. I struggled all the time with myself - fighting in my head whether or not I should eat something or not. This surgery is so much easier for me than that was. I am not having internal struggles over food anymore, if I want something I eat it - just a little - and I am satisfied. Physically this has been so much easier on my body than any of those extreme things I did before. For me, this is the easy way out and I thank God for it every day. It's not my aim in life to do everything the hard way - why should I feel ashamed or defensive if I did take the easy way out. I never feel guilty for driving my car to work vs walking or riding a horse like they did before cars. Isn't that taking the easy way out? I don't feel guilty for buying in my groceries in a grocery store instead of raising them by myself. Isn't that taking the easy way out. We could go on and on about how doing nearly everything in our life is taking the easy way out but we don't. We don't put that on other people - why should we let them put that on us? When I hear comments on it being the easy way out I just smile and say, "You're right it is so much easier than any of the hell I put my mind or body through before this surgery. And I am so thankful doctors developed this easy way so I can live healthy!"