Relationship Question - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

gbacon · 03-13-2010, 02:13 PM

I am almost 4 months post op. I have been told many times that it may put a strain on my relationship with the changes. I have begun to notice that my girlfriend and I are slowly falling apart. We have been dating for almost 2 years, and the relationship has been great. Now, I that I have significant weight loss, more and more women are hitting on me, of course all advances are turned down. She said it doesn't bother her, but I can tell it does. Another problem is I am more active now. She is obese herself, so I see now how bad we were together when It came to getting out. We have sat and talked about the changes in our relationship, and we both understand what is ahead of us, but I cant help but notice a change in her attitude and lack of happiness. I have asked her if she was unhappy, but of course I get no. It could just be me, but it seems to be that this didn't start until after a few months post op once I dropped my first 100 lbs. Is this normal, or is it all in my mind?

rappaport · 03-13-2010, 02:21 PM

It is normal, and it is an issue. This surgery does end a lot of marriages, most of them were weak already and bound to happen regardless, some due to people feeling like, well I have this new body and I'm attracting attention, so why not dip in the pool? If you love your girl, you need to keep reassuring her she is the one you want. I don't think anyone would disagree that it's hard for any of our partners to not have a twinge of jealousy.

Post-op is tough for us. Our hormones are raging due to them being released as we lose fat and both men and women suffer. I had my days and I had my doubts, but after some really deep thought I realized that I had a woman who stood by me when I gained all this disgusting weight and she deserved to have the new me for the rest of her life. Our marriage is as strong as ever today.

LeeAnnS · 03-14-2010, 06:35 AM

I notice a much bigger strain on my relationship as well, but from a different perspective. We have always had problems, but now that I can't eat to stuff the negative feelings the full understanding of how bad things are is hitting me in the face.

My hubby has been unhappy with life in general for a long time - but of course he also says nothing is wrong. But all the little things that I was able to let go of before, I am having a harder time dealing with now. Not sure how we are going to end up...

Claire-in-Texas · 03-14-2010, 07:49 AM

Yes, no question about it. ALL of our relationships change, especially the one with OURSELF! WE are different as we stop hiding behind our fat. And that is what changes all relationships.

It's nothing you are doing or saying - it's just that you are changing.

My own good fortune is that my marriage has flourished....

Laureate · 03-14-2010, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rappaport

I had my days and I had my doubts, but after some really deep thought I realized that I had a woman who stood by me when I gained all this disgusting weight and she deserved to have the new me for the rest of her life. Our marriage is as strong as ever today.

It's a good thing, because I just fell in love when you said this.

kantonucci · 03-14-2010, 09:20 AM

I definitely see that my husband is a bit insecure these days. We have argued a bit here and there about it, but nothing to the point of where our marriage is in trouble.

My husband has been with me since High School, so he's been with me when I was thin and stuck with me when I was obese.

Believe it or not, even being larger I was still attracting attention, but I am happily married and I plan on staying that way.

This is such an emotional journey that it's pretty hard not to have some sort of challenges with your SO throughout the process.

Best of luck!