Kids Weight weighing on me - ThinnerTimes

LizardQueen · 08-29-2005, 06:59 AM

My girls were premature. The oldest weighed 4 lbs 7.5 oz and the youngest 3 lbs 8 ozs. They took off right away and have no long term problems. They are now 13 and 11. They both have always been chubby. I'm really concerned about their weight and health but I don't want to give them an eating disorder. I was always very thin as a child because my Grandmother was always obese and had me on a diet from birth until I moved out. It kinda gave me a warped opinion on food and I never wanted to do that to my kids. My oldest has been trying to watch what she eats and I try to drop little hints on some good things for her without being overbearing. My youngest will eat constantly if you let her. I have noticed lately that they have both been kinda sad about my weight loss and have been making some not so nice comments. I weigh less than both of them now and have been trying to down play my loss and I wear the same sizes they do. My oldest daughter said the other day that,"This is just ridiculous." Now I'm feeling guilty about losing. Have any of you experienced this or have any suggestions on where I should go with this? I thought I might get them into some counseling but they are great kids and really have no other problems. They are great students and my hubby and I have always been together (except when they were really small and he was still with them all the time). Do you think I'm over reacting? I just don't want to make them feel bad or give them a unhealthy body image. HELP!!!

katlover66 · 08-29-2005, 07:10 AM

Unfortunately child hood obesity is a big issue right now. Add more veggies and protein to their meals and cut out the high sugar high carb foods. Children not only learn by example but change. My family eats what I eat. I don't make anything that I can't eat and either does my husband. Don't fry their food, cook with cooking spray. Skin the chicken before you bake it. These little things go a very long way.

bridgetgirl · 08-29-2005, 09:40 AM

Hmmm its gott ab ehard for your teenagers cuz your mom is not supposeto be smaller than you... looking hotter than you. You know how teens equate size with attractiveness. I think when they make the comments you should talk to them and get to the root of the problem, I dont think they are resenting your accomplishments but seeing there own failures. Perhaps you could ask (after hearing a comment) Why are you saying that? What did you mean by that? Then you can ask, how does your losing weight make them feel.

Just a thought. Im no Dr Laura Schlessinger, but I am a pretty effective communicator.
My youngest son came back frm summer vacation a bit on the chubby side. He knows through my own weight loss experience how important healthy eating is, so i have told him, "Okay buddy-its healthy eating from here on out, okay?" he agrred, now when I ask him what he wants for dinner- I usually geve him a choice, he says he wants the one that isnt fatty. I havent said the word diet to him, and I make sure he's putside running, playing, jumping, swimming whatever to burn off that extra chub. Im not nuerotic about it, just fearful because when I was his age, thats when I started packing on the weight.

Good luck to you sugar pea!

Peckkale · 08-29-2005, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LizardQueen

My girls were premature. The oldest weighed 4 lbs 7.5 oz and the youngest 3 lbs 8 ozs. They took off right away and have no long term problems. They are now 13 and 11. They both have always been chubby. I'm really concerned about their weight and health but I don't want to give them an eating disorder. I was always very thin as a child because my Grandmother was always obese and had me on a diet from birth until I moved out. It kinda gave me a warped opinion on food and I never wanted to do that to my kids. My oldest has been trying to watch what she eats and I try to drop little hints on some good things for her without being overbearing. My youngest will eat constantly if you let her. I have noticed lately that they have both been kinda sad about my weight loss and have been making some not so nice comments. I weigh less than both of them now and have been trying to down play my loss and I wear the same sizes they do. My oldest daughter said the other day that,"This is just ridiculous." Now I'm feeling guilty about losing. Have any of you experienced this or have any suggestions on where I should go with this? I thought I might get them into some counseling but they are great kids and really have no other problems. They are great students and my hubby and I have always been together (except when they were really small and he was still with them all the time). Do you think I'm over reacting? I just don't want to make them feel bad or give them a unhealthy body image. HELP!!!

You can teach your children good eating habits without causing an eating disorder. Cut out the sweets.

The schools in most, are feeding the kids pizza and soda for lunch so brown-bag their lunches.

Dara · 08-29-2005, 01:11 PM

Amber:

I went through the same exact scenario when my daughter was 13 and I lost 90 lbs. on a liquid diet. She was completely traumatized when I started to weigh less than she did and started to wear cute, stylish clothes. She had always been perfectly content with my "fat mommy" image and she had a lot of trouble adjusting to my sudden transformation to a "woman" right before her eyes.

I think your daughters, at 13 and 11, are at a very vulnerable, emotional age and your transformation may hit them much harder than if they were younger or older. Their bodies are changing and they are maturing emotionally, so it's doubly difficult not to compare themselves with you.

I was also very aware about food issues with my daughter. I was taunted by relatives as a child and always felt like I was a huge ogre. I never made Megan's weight an issue and she was never obese--just a little chubby. However, because she was so upset with my weight loss, I allowed her to go on a healthy diet to lose a few pounds. I monitored her very carefully and, you know, it made her feel so much better about the situation.

I think you should sit down with your girls and, in a very comforting, casual manner, ask them about their fears and issues with your weight loss. I guarantee that they're very proud of you, but their own insecurities are impeding their happiness for you.

In hindsight, I wish I had also asked Megan if she wanted to see a therapist to discuss her issues with my weight loss. At almost 20, she still occasionally comments about that time of our lives as the time I was really "into me, not her."

I would recommend you consider counseling for them and even with them, primarily because of where they are in their lives.

Good luck!

eyesthatkissu · 08-29-2005, 04:51 PM

What a quandry. My boys have always been thin and healthy. I think they take after Daddy that way. But I have always been a huge pervayer of them eating healthy. First I make sure they have some sort of hobby, or activity that they enjoy that is EXERCISE. Exercise is truely a key. They ride dirtbikes, both are enrolled in Hip Hop and Breakdancing classes, my youngest starts gymnastics tonight and we are going to start the older one in basketball. Dance classes are awesome for girls. Maybe you could see if your gym or rec center has one you could do together? Also, we leave the processed foods out as much as possible. I truely believe that processed foods are, to quote The Waterboy, "da debil!" Basically anything that makes a mom's life easier is bad for our kids... how unfair! Things like boxed macaroni and cheese, baked goods, soups even. I don't even keep soda in the house. I allow them Capri Sun juice pouches, because they have no dye. I make ice tea, we have Propel and Fruit2O, milk, juice etc. My kids still have a sweet treat ONCE a day, but I try and make sure it's something either I have baked, or that it's something with as little preservatives as possible. I make their lunches most days. If they buy, they know the rules, and stick to them thankfully. I'm pretty lucky with the younger, he is a fruits and veggies nut! He always leaves behind the rice or potatoes, and will take a yogart over a cookie. I although them both to have as much fruit, yogart, and veggies as they want. Yogart is yogart... not Gogurt, or Trix... LOL It's a stuggle with my older one. He'd live on Cheetos and cuppcakes if I'd let him. I have to be vigilant. They know my struggles with weight. They are excited for my sugery just because they know it will mean a change for the better for all of us. I think it's okay for them to know that wrong food choices and lack of exercise are what led me to this place. It's healthy for them to know that Mama is not perfect and made some bad choices, and hopefully they can learn from my mistakes without making the same mistakes themselves. I'm sure it's different with pre-teen girls and I wish you the BEST of luck sugar.

gramamarc · 08-29-2005, 05:15 PM

Amber,
You also have to be really carful with your head! I lost 80 lbs on optifast and one day my daughter's husband told her, "I think your mom's butt is smaller than yours." It made me feel really guilty because: 'Moms are not susposed to be smaller than their daughters' I think I basicly started to put my weight back on at that time, not consciously by sub-consciously I sabotaged myself for that reason.
So be careful!
M

katlover66 · 08-29-2005, 05:30 PM

I agree with Robin. I have had my daughter in dance since she was 2yrs. old. She also takes ice skating and gymnastics. they say children need at least 60 minutes of exercise per day. If you start them young they learn that daily exercise is important and they build a habit that is healthy.

Laura@BellaBabies · 08-29-2005, 06:33 PM

I do not keep any junk food in my home but yes my 2 oldest are on the chubby side. I have quit making rice or taters with dinner, just protein and veggies. I think that maybe grabbing your daughters and going for an after dinner walk every night and talking as you walk will help bond you and get everyone moving together.

bridgetgirl · 08-30-2005, 08:27 AM

Hey Amber: Did ya get the chance to talk to either of them yet?

Heres a suggestion also, do you think they would be down with the idea of all of you- you and the girls taking a kick boxing class? You could tell them its for self defense purposes and it was also give you more "girlfriend" time and could be a real bonding experience. This way you are bonding and all getting fit without them even knowing it, tell them you guys should do it for safety reasons, after all they are getting to that age where they make have to beat the boys off with a stick.

What do you think about that idea?