Party of Lookers - ThinnerTimes

Barbarajo · 08-07-2005, 10:07 AM

Ok, so, today at 4pm I am going to a party. The people at the party are from an old worship team I use to sing with. I havn't seen most of then since 2wks post op and some of them I have not seen since pre op.

So I am feeling a little weird and boastful and pride and show offy. Alot of these poeple looked down on my because of my weight. There is this unspoken thing that you can't be on the front mic in the big church if you have a weight problem. Before hate mail start flying let me explain. I kind of agree with it. Mostly because one of the reasons I wanted to have surgery was so that I could glorify God with my entire body. It is also the same reason I quit smoking. It is the temple of God thing. Not only that if I can't get a handle on my weight issue how can I help others deal with there.

I was on the big house size screen too many times. with my bigger than life body praising God. I hurt me to see myself praising God looking the way I did. I know God was not offended by it but I was.

So all this to say. The whole gang is going to be there. Everyone. Even the leader who has express issues with weight.

so part of me just wants to walk in, making and grand entrance. I know that that is not what I am goign to do. I am just nervious. I need some prayer about my tude. I just want go and enjoy myself and visit with all my old freinds without all the head stuff going on.

I know that I will have a great time. I know that stuff will be said. I just need to learn to just say thank you. I have been working on Thank you for a while now. Thank you without justification. It is very hard.

so please pray that i just have a great time and that I can pick out just the right outfit. I am already stressing about what to wear.

eyesthatkissu · 08-07-2005, 10:21 AM

Hi honey...

I totally understand why you'd want to strut a little. You should feel very proud of how far you've come, and how hot you look! I also understand feeling guilty for feeling that way. It's just like when you see people from highschool, and say you are incredibly successful no, when in highschool you were not. You want desperately for them to know how far you've come, and you seek out there approval, even though you know that it doesn't hardly matter. It's one of those crazy human experiences. So, I will pray that you are able to walk in there with your head held high, but not with your nose in the air. That you feel a wonderful glow in their approval, but that you put aside anger for the way some of them may have treated you before. And that not only do they see how far you have come physically, but that the inner light of the Lord shine through you like it always does. I will pray that even though there is less of you, the most and best of you shine through. I love you....

Barbarajo · 08-07-2005, 10:46 AM

Thanks so much beautiful one. I need that. Thanks I am feeling better all ready

LizardQueen · 08-07-2005, 10:58 AM

Have a great time! You are a wonderful person and if these people know you at all they will see that too. I'll pray that you have a great day and a great time with your friends and that you can just be gracious with your thank you's with no second thoughts or justification. Oh, and it wouldn't hurt to strut a little!

Mavisavis · 08-07-2005, 11:42 AM

You are going to look fantastic and do just fine. It's ok to feel good about yourself. I know your kind attitude will humble those that judged you and inspire those that didn't. No matter what you look like, how big or small, or what you wear, you are truly a beautiful person inside where it really counts. Keep your head up and focus on the one that provided you with renewed health, spirit and opportunity. Sing your heart out girl!

gramamarc · 08-07-2005, 02:06 PM

What ever they say to you, you are still the beautiful person we have gotten to know. Be courtious and thank them for compliments. Remember you don't owe anyone explanations. You are such a gracious person just be yourself!
Love ya!
M

Barbarajo · 08-07-2005, 02:48 PM

you guys are so great. I am feeling better and better.

Thanks so much for all the kind words.

Only 2 hours till party time.

onell · 08-07-2005, 06:49 PM

I know that you know that God loves you no matter how you come to him. Race, size, clothing, past mistakes he loves you as you are. To worship him and to give him praise only makes him happy. So if you have issues or other people have issues with weight then put it in it's proper place. It's not God passing judgement. He knows why you were heavier, he knows your heart and that is truly all that matters pre wls, and post wls.

Dcycle · 08-07-2005, 11:43 PM

Hi Barbara,

I am new to the forum and I know that I am responding after you have been to church. I was a worship leader for about 9 years and involved in worship for 15. I sometimes now fill in for a close friend if needed. I was also in a Contemporary Christian Rock Band. Most of this time I was 325 lbs plus..I too felt self concious about my weight and spent alot of time trying to loose weight.

God loved you and accepted your praises just the same as anyone elses. I attended so many Worship confrences over the years and I can tell you there are alot heavy people in the worship community. I also understand about wanting to give God a whole/healthy body and that you did not want to detract anyone from theyre worship by your physical appearance. This is something that I struggled very hard with prior to my WLS especially being the leader. I felt so bad because food was an addiction. But here was the great thing: God knew our hearts and where we were in our walk with Him and your addiction was no different than any one elses and if people were coming to church with theyre hearts in the right place theyre eyes were never on you they were on God.

You have a right to feel proud of what you are doing and the success you have acheived.But you are also right in approaching it in humility. I gave up leading worship for several reason's but there is no reason you shouldnt be doing worship if God is leading you towards it. If your heart is in the right place lead others there. You never know who's life your's may change as they see how thru your choice you have begun the road to a healthy and whole life.

I pray for your continued success.

Damon

Barbarajo · 08-08-2005, 12:10 AM

Thanks everyone I had a wonderful time at the party. I must have cuz it is now 11pm and I just got home from the 4pm party.

Anyway God spoke to me so much this evening.

Yes people were amazed at my weight loss. And no did not strut my stuff. I just went with humility and humbles for what God has accomplished in my and through me.

Damon, thanks also for the comformationa about leading worship. I will continue but now I will contine bolder and stronger than ever before. I do lead worship as well. I lead worship for the recovery ministry at my church. And I also have an other group called Braided chord which is all orginal music. And some times I do solo stuff of just my own orginal music. God has blessed me with the desire to lead worship. I am at a cross roads right now and am not sure which direction to go. I will follow were ever he leads me. I'm just not sure were that is.

Thanks again for all of your kind and gentle words. It was an amazing night.