How do you deal with this? - ThinnerTimes

Pokey757 · 08-04-2005, 11:30 AM

I am just curious how you Post-opers deal with those people (you know who i am talking about) The ones that are too good to talk you when your fat

. But now you have lost all this weight, and they want to be your friend.
I know i am going to have issues with this after WLS BIG ISSUES. I feel if they dont like me fat, they they shouldnt like me thin, or is it vice versa. If if they dont like me fat, THEN I SHOULDNT LIKE THEM WHEN I AM THIN???

So tell me your experience please!

Jeanie · 08-04-2005, 11:49 AM

I didn't really have that problem. The one I have is people don't talk to me anymore. I just think hey I am who I am. Like me for me, or don't like me at all. It's all good. I have enough friends that I don't need to worry about the people that don't want to get to know the real me.
I say if they didn't have time for you when you were bigger then you don't have time for them now that you're smaller.

lealphachienne · 08-04-2005, 12:07 PM

I haven't encountered that yet. Of course, I'm in my own little world most of the time and might not have noticed. I didn't have many close friends before and have alsways gotten along well with my co-workers. Now, my close friends are those that have had bypass (the people I've met here) and my co-workers are still my co-workers.

JohnsWife4Life · 08-04-2005, 12:11 PM

I didn't have that problem either, but I tended to get upset when a man would open a door for me, as before they slammed it in my face. I realized, hey I cannot get angry because they didn't know me before, so when a stange man opens a door, I say thank you. Only one person was mean to me before. Now when she comments on my weight loss, like first she said wow you lost weight i said yeah a little. Next she said omgomgomg you are so tiny, Ijust say thanks. She is the only one in the world that I havent told.

bridgetgirl · 08-04-2005, 12:34 PM

I can tell you that people WILL treat you differently... they cant help it-damn those people.... s alot of you know Im a big "net worker" I truly believe its not what you know but who you know..... so I have been working rooms for quite awile.. even as a big girl. I dont think people didnt NOT talk to me then.. its just that they are more receptive now. I do get treated differently, handshakes turned to hugs, get more drink offers.. getting told how good I look. As you change, the usual people in your life will change as well, and not because of who you are now, but because they are effected by your change as well.
Now outsiders.... its funny because when I was heavy I couldnt get a white man to look at me, now that Im thin they are in abundance.... thats they only thing that I have noticed that has changed with regards to outsiders being different.... I think the biggest thing to be concerned with is your inner group of friends and how they will react to you.... criticisizing you as you get "way too thin" we have all heard that one..... and they will start to change emotionally, get jealous, feel inferior... dont worry about outsiders, its those that are close to you that will effect you the most.

I hope I made sense... lol

Pokey757 · 08-04-2005, 01:05 PM

Ok, Well i dont have a whole lot of friends. Infact i can count on 1 hand just how many i have. The other are aquaintances. I have this nack for picking the WRONG friends. I usually pick the users, or the ones that are all self consumed. So i lose friends just as quick as i make them. I am a friend for life kind of gal. If you treat me good, and we have fun together then i am there. Unfortuanatly i cannot say the same for them.
This is what i mean: When we moved into our house 4 years ago. Mike, (my hubby) came over to the house first. He started talking to a lady that lived across the street. Finally when i got there he was telling me how much this lady was so excited to meet me, and blah, blah, blah. Then the next day i saw her outside, and she said NOTHING. So I figured it was because she saw me and decided i was not good enough.

I know i assume sometimes that it is ALWAYS because of my weight, and maybe sometimes it's not, but how am i supposed to know??

Dee22 · 08-04-2005, 01:06 PM

Well unfortunately i've been a "victim" of it. When my kids were in pre-school there was a clique of mothers that used to snicker. I was never "invited" in. They actually had the nerve to "invite" the girl I used to hang out with and told her..."but don't tell dania" UNbelievable...these are GROWN women! Well..one of the kids ended up going to public school with my daughter...the mother the "ringleader" of that clique saw me for the first time at about 150lbs...afterwards she came over and said "hey you're karah's mom right?" i'm like "uh huh" She's all being nice and telling me how great I look and that I really should join the PTA (she's the president of the PTA there now go figure) and she was all trying to be my friend....and for the first time in my life I stood up for myself and said...

"you know what's funny? When the kids were in preschool all I got where stares and snickering, and now that I look like this...you want to be my friend"

She stood there with her mouth open and just said "I'm sorry"...and her husband just laughed and said "I told you one day someone is going to come back and kick you in the ass for the way you act sometimes" hahahaha

Basically the same thing happened at the pool 2 weeks ago...when most of those moms still hang out with each other and they saw my kids....they said Hi to them when we were leaving, one of them asked how their mom(me) was doing and to say Hi...my daughter looked confused and pointed to me and said "this is my mom"....and I just said "Hi Suzie" and I walked away....

I love seeing people's reactions when their mouth just drops open...I want to tell them to stop cause they're attracting flies

Lojak7 · 08-04-2005, 01:21 PM

ENJOY your "new attention", but ALWAYS keep it in the back of your head on how these people looked at you before you lost weight. It really is a power you have over them. What I mean is, if some didn't talk to you because of the way you look, it just reaffirms on how shallow that person really is. A shallow person is a weak person. I have said before, it is not the "new attention" that I enjoy. It is the attention I don't get. I was able to go to six flags with my daughter last week, and I was able to go on EVERY ride, not just the six person farris wheel. There were no laughs, or wispers from the people in line, because I was NOT told "the ride will not be able to accodomate someone of you size sir......" Remember keep all of this into perspective. I think that is why post/pre-op WLS friends, stay friends.......we all are different, but we are the same.......

bridgetgirl · 08-04-2005, 01:25 PM

Most of us big folks have a chip on our shoulders and think that people dont like us because were fat...... most fat people are unhappy.. dont smile, dont attempt to make friends.... so I think that we need to be accountable for our OWN actions... dont expect to be accepted, you have to make an effort.... just my 2 cents! Love ya!

lealphachienne · 08-04-2005, 01:38 PM

of which I have no control over anyways. I just change how I react. I accept the fact that we generally live in a shallow society. That's just the way it is. Why waste too much energy trying to change other's perceptions. Lead by your own example. I refer it similarly to life in the ocean.

Where the water's shallow, there's lots of colorful fish swimming around. It's warm and fun loving, everyone goes about their way. As you get deeper, there's less light and life. But at the very bottom dwells the most wonderful creatures. Amazing creatures that thrive in spite of the darkness and lack of nutrients. They even exude their own inner light.

The key is to be able to move up and down the different levels and adjust to what's going on around without allowing the varying pressures crush you. Too many people stay at one level and never explore outside their comfort zone. Mingle with those around you and take comfort that those that come out from the deep have an inner light and beauty that many don't comprehend.