Help, Im Scared!!!! - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

LadyV · 11-26-2008, 11:16 PM

Just finished going through my closet and it seems that by the time I have the surgery and get back to the sizes that are now too small for me, that I will not be able to wear them. You see, most of them are winter clothes and if I have the surgery in the spring, by winter, I will not be able to wear them. To me, it is such a waste. I don't know why Im worrying about this, but it is making me soooooo sad and again, I say to myself, I can do this on my own, I don't need this surgery. Why am I going back and forth???

Every time I think Im ok, I read some of the stories and I wonder will I be strong enough to endure this for the rest of my life. I want to be small, I want to lose the weight, but Im scared. Im scared of failing, I scared of being a whimp. Im scared that Im not making the right choice with this. Why can't I do this on my own without the surgery. What is wrong with me, that I can't do this. Oh God, I want to make the right choices but Im not sure if I am.

Has anyone else felt like this and how did you feel after the surgery. Were you able to cope. Did things fall into place. Was your fear in vain. If you were used to eating large portions or slipping around secretly eating things when your family were gone or in another room, did you stop after the surgery. I know this sounds crazy but these are the types of questions Im now asking my self.

My matra says "To thine ownself be true" and that's what Im doing now trying to be honest with myself.

Marella · 11-26-2008, 11:45 PM

Many of your words could have been my words.

For me, I was scared not living to see my son a man, and he being alone, and perhaps playing the blame game for his mom dying too early, because of obesity complications.

So I was scared NOT TO have the surgery.

I've lost weight before, my biggest was 65 pounds on Atkins back in 2000. I was down to 220. So why did I gain all the way up to 352?

Everyone has their eating, or binging, horror stories as to why they suddenly broke the diet and said, "what the hell, I might as well!" It took years to gain to 352, so why didn't I stop gaining? When I went up to 250, I said to myself, it's only 250... Atkins works, I can lose it.

I've had all those conversations with myself... I've had the depression, the relationship problems, and all of the sob stories that made me feel sorry for myself and I DECIDED, ME and ONLY ME, to wallow in that self pity and comfort myself with food... why? I can honestly say because I DID find comfort in coping using food because I felt worthless and I fed a what I thought was a worthless spirit.

NOW I'm changing. I don't know what's on the other side. I'm too used to being / feeling worthless, so what happens next, do I gain some self worth, some confidence, elevate my self esteem?

THIS IS A JOURNEY and I had to decide what I wanted on the other side. I WANTED A DIFFERENT ME (I'm not shouting, I'm emphasizing) and a me that I didn't know. I hated the FAT me, I hated that worthless spirit... now I'm on the path to re-discovering myself and making myself over.

Am I scared about the rest of my life and eating differently... not one bit, truly. If my food intake should stay the same as it is now, I don't care... it no longer controls me. I can be around people who are gorging themselves and it doesn't bother me... it actually disgusts me because I think back on the way I ATE and I want to slap my face.

BUT things will change... according to some long timers, to some it's a struggle to maintain, to others it's easy. I think it all depends on the new psyche you develop. You have to decide what you want and what you want to control and throw away what's controlling you right now... food.

BUT it's hard for morbidly obese people to be on a regular diet and lose 5 pounds a month. You do all that work and exercise to lose and it get's you nowhere. We've all be there... it's the YO-YO!

Having my RNY got me down 100 pounds in less than 7 months. So what that I had surgery... it's a tool, I have a feeling of accomplishment. Surgery isn't magic, and don't treat it that way. It's a weight loss alternative, not to look like Twiggy, but to get healthy, to get happy, to get back to who you're supposed to be BECAUSE let's face it, if you're considering WLS, you've been DOWN, down, down -- and that's a feeling that we all have shared.

Considering WLS is a wake-up call to life!

No regrets for me. I just turned 50. My mom is about to celebrate 83, she's healthy and going strong. I want to live to be at least that old, with the quality of life that a thin 83 year old can have... not one who is chair bound and immobile.

I have the tool to take my life back and live again!

Being scared is normal, but you need to compartmentalize it, then look at each one at a time and decide, what's the worst that can happen on both sides of the coin... then you'll know what's right for you.

All the best,

Sue0609 · 11-27-2008, 12:07 AM

First about the clothes... the is no guarantee your body will be the same at that size as it was before. I have found I am buying new clothes even if I have clothes in that size. I'm built different at 212 (size 16 pants) than I was before at that size. I have more tummy and thinner legs, and no butt at all. And my boobs aren't where they should be, so some tops just don't work (suit jackets don't work at all). My old clothes are just not that flattering on me. And I refuse to look like a slob, so it's all new clothes!

Have you spoken to a psychologist? It might help you. I know for me it really cleared up some concerns and misconceptions I had (the whole Charlie Weis thing really scared the heck out of me. It was in the news around here quite a bit). My decision wasn't that easy because other than being fat I was healthy (no comorbidities). But I just really felt that with time I would have serious health issues. I decided I'd rather just do it than spend the next however many years stuggling and then doing it anyhow. The psychologist was able to explain to me the many barriers to losing weight, and why statistically without surgery it was unlikely I'd keep it off even if I lost it.

dvdwende · 11-27-2008, 12:17 AM

I haven't had surgery yet. I'm doing the ins. required 13 week nutrition program with meal replacements and shakes. So far, so good. One week out, I haven't cheated, I've lost 4#. I'm thinking... this is easy... it's working... why have my guts rearranged? Then, I think about the long term. I'm always a strong starter but can I keep it up?

I am doing everything I can to emotionally divorce myself from food and just look at it as fuel my body needs. Alcoholics can stop drinking, smokers can stop smoking, however, overeaters still have to eat! I want to be indifferent about food.

Can I make it? For me I think the Holidays are going to be my big test. Can I be with family and enjoy them instead of the food. Will I resist the wonderful entrees and desserts?? Or will I do my "just a small slice thing?" I have discovered three things so far about my personal self. #1 I gave up drinking Diet Coke everyday #2 I stopped eating white floor and white sugar #3 I do not do fast food anymore #3 No fried anything. The cravings and grazing have stopped completely. I need to add that I also prayed and asked the Lord to help me, I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN.

If you're really unsure then I would wait a few months and see how you do. You need to be totally committed to go through with the surgery because there's no going back. There's another great website called: Obesity Help - Weight Loss Surgery, Obesity Support Groups, Obesity Forums, Surgical Procedures. I have a blog on there. The more knowledge, the less fear of the unknown. I'm a Christian and I've always felt that I have an assigned amount of time on this earth. When it's up it's up. I want to make the most of my time left and be a contribution to life instead of a "self-pitying slug". I admire you for admitting your doubts and fears. It makes me want to be truly honest too. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts. Dianne

Gina in NY · 11-27-2008, 07:45 AM

You know yourself better than anyone. You know the right choice for you. Does it matter that you can or can't diet to your goal weight without surgery? Not to me. I don't care how you get there, but I want you to be healthy. I want you to eat right, move your body, feel good in your own skin, sleep well and enjoy life without the restrictions that obesity imposes.

I don't care about your clothes. I don't care that you have problems with food. We all do. It is our very evolution that tells us to eat too much so how can you fight that? I do know that you can deal with it - I know you'll figure it out.

Any action taken out of fear is going to be the wrong one. Now you can't help but have fears and doubts and feelings, we all do, but the question is, what are you going to do about it? Will you let the fear stop you? I hope not.

You know - any problems you have now, you'll still have, honestly, after surgery and even after goal weight, but they won't bother you as much. At least that has been my experience.

You deserve the best. Give it to yourself - whatever it is.

LadyV · 11-27-2008, 08:08 AM

for always being here for me. Most days I feel like I am sooooo dumb sharing my feelings with you all. But I know here, I want be criticized or judged and that for the most part most of you have been or are where I am. I thank God for you every day.

HAPPY, HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Snow-Belle · 11-27-2008, 09:16 AM

Greetings Sue,

Who is Charlie Weis? I never heard of him...

Mudderof4 · 11-27-2008, 09:51 AM

I too felt the same way as I literally took all of my summer clothes out of the closet. I am scheduled for lap RNY on 12/3. At first I was sick thinking of all the money I was throwing away... then I realized.. I will not have to spend more to buy bigger clothes. Ot spend that extra $50 a month going to the doctor. Think of it as a cleansing period, take your time and say goodbye to your past and hello to your future!

jennifersmith23 · 11-27-2008, 08:31 PM

At the low end of the morbidly obese category I too was uncertain whether wls was "right" for me. Now 2.5 months after WLS I KNOW I could not have gotten to where I am without it. I sometimes miss the taste of my favorite foods, but then i think to myself, at 178 now (down from 227) I bought my first pair of size 16 pants at a regular department store (not Lane Bryant) and they feel great, I bought a new pair of 4 inch heels and I feel sexy again...not like some big fat slob. I am moving around more, have more energy, self confidence, you name it.

You never really realize how bad off you were until you look back. Having been through 3 months of watching people (friends, family) stuff their faces with some of my old favorite foods...I definately wouldn't have made it doing it the standard way. One thing WLS does is changes your thinking about food. Only you can decide whether it is right for you but coming from another person who struggled with the decision, it was well worth it to me.

Sue0609 · 11-28-2008, 08:55 AM

Sorry for the hijack...Charlie Weis was an assistant coach of the New England Patriots (football team). He is now the head coach at the University of Notre Dame. He was a really big guy, they said about 300-350 pounds but I'd say closer to 400. He thought his weight was holding him back from getting a head coaching job (plus he was worried about dying young, like his father) so he decided to get gastric bypass. He had it at Mass General Hospital in Boston (my regular hospital, but not where I had gastric bypass because they are less experienced than where I went, Tufts). From what I've been told he got celebrity treatment and basically didn't have to do any of the pre-op work (diets, counseling, etc.). His surgery went very badly and he almost died (he actually received Catholic last rites). He had internal bleeding. He has permanent (apparently) nerve damage in his feet. He lost some weight but seems to have gained most or all of it back at this point. There was a malpractice suit, including a trial where Tom Brady (the Patriots quarterback, who dates the "supermodel" Gisele Bundchen) testified. One of the surgeons testified that Weis ignored his advice and pushed to have the operation done quickly rather than going through a recommended six-week preoperative program. Ah, isn't it the doctor's responsibility to say "no" and tell the patient "follow the program or we won't do the surgery? The surgeons were found not negligent (which I disagree with, but I wasn't on the jury so that doesn't matter!).

And now back to our regularly scheduled programmed...