should I help my daughter - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

swifty · 10-31-2008, 11:57 AM

I have had a weight problem since I was young, 15 years ago I had my stomach stapled (an older vision of the revised bypass) I had a huge success losing 11 stone. I crept back up to 18stone and had a bypass in July this years, I have lost weight but not as well as I had hoped however, my daughter aged 22years has a big weight problem she is 22stone and 5'4 tall. She has asked me to fund her for a operation, but this scares me. We know we have to take vitimins and calcium have blood tests regularly, and thats fine for me I,m 51 years of age. But she is so young to have to go through these things for the rest of her life with concequences we are yet to find out. If anything should happen to her and I encourage it I could never live with myself. I realise I have not set a good example to her but what do you think out there, what should a mother do.

Vim&Vigour · 10-31-2008, 12:17 PM

Hello Swifty!
Welcome to TT!
And without batting an eyelid, I would MOST DEFINITELY support your daughter through surgery. She will not be 22 forever, she will sooner or later grow up and be more responsible even than now. At least you are giving her a chance. We nearly all say we only wish we had had our surgery sooner.

H O W E V E R!!!
For the operation to be a success, your daughter MUST WANT IT HERSELF! SHE must make her own decision to have it. She will have to feel the consequences - no point in her having wls "for mum's sake". It is for her and her alone that she would have it.
If she would be taking the contraceptive pill, like many women of her age, she would have to take it daily - so what would be the difference of not taking her vitamins? If she were not to take her Pill, then she could risk the "complications" of an unwanted pregnancy. By not taking her vitamins etc, she would run the risk of lower health. Go for it, seize life in both hands, live the dream, turn it into reality. Just imagine that by the age of 24 she'll be a beautiful, slim, sexy lass, feeling strong, confident and beautiful. She will probably get greater professional satisfaction and trust, find "better" boyfriends, be an example to her own family when the time comes.

As for you Swifty, get on the "5DPT" (five day pouch test) (look under "groups" or do a search on here") to sharpen your own sense of feelgood - you might even go on it together, a sort of further "mother and daughter bonding" effort!

Best wishes and believe in your own self and give your daughter EVERY opportunity to improve on herself that comes her way. You can bring a donkey to the fountain... but you cannot make it drink. At least you'll have done everything in your power to help, with your best intentions. The rest is up to your daughter.
Where there is a will, there is a way!
Cheers,
Vim

swifty · 10-31-2008, 12:22 PM

what a lovely reply vim, I beat myself up regularly about my daughter, I so feel for her and you put things into perspective so well . thank you your reply.

Vim&Vigour · 10-31-2008, 12:30 PM

My turn to thank you Swifty.
Sounds though that you could do with some TLC yourself and a little boost along the way? We are the same age!
Now, the weekend is upon us. Get those comfy, smart and flattering clothes out from the back of your cupboard, polish your shoes, nails and treat your hair to a really good conditioning massage. Get some really nice, softening body lotion, pamper yourself and meet November with a fresh outlook. If you have a partner, go off to the cinema, pub, restaurant, walk, car journey together. Revamp your feminine side, GLOW, show yourself at your best for YOUR OWN SELF, for your partner and for your daughter! Please report back on Monday! Ah, and take photographs! Come on! Cook a simple meal and have friends over, spur of the moment sort of thing!
Do something for yourself! THAT will encourage your daughter a lot!
Happy Weekend - and Halloween!
Cheers,
Vim

Rubydoo · 10-31-2008, 12:34 PM

Hi Swifty.

My mum had a lapband last December, which has been very successful. My parents funded both my sister and I to have RNY surgery a month ago. The offer was made and then the decision was left to us. I guess the fact she has approached you directly means she has thought about it hard already....

I'm am so grateful to my parents as without their funding, guidance, love and support I would have been unable to undertake this oppurtunity. Oppurtunity sounds a peculiar word however I would say this is the best decision I have ever made, my long term quality of life is going to be far better because of this.

You must understand first hand how frustrated and most likely isolated your daughter is feeling! Must have taken a great deal of courage to ask you for the funds...

This is just my opinion as a daughter who has received a wonderful gift from her parents.

Kelly xx

jerseygrl684 · 10-31-2008, 12:37 PM

My mom had RNY -open done about 9 yrs ago. She put back on about 40 lbs.

She has stood by mine and my sisters side through this whole thing. Through all the post op issues & everything. As a kid, it takes a lot to ask your mom to do this, and my mom time and time again.. no matter how many 2nd jobs she has to work, helped us soooo much. Even now, with no money.. my mom will throw me a lil bit here or there... and is always by my side.

She sees what we are going through and as a mother it kills her to see it, but she supports us fully.

Vim&Vigour · 10-31-2008, 12:41 PM

You know Kelly,
you sound genuinely like a grateful, happy and loving daughter - and your sister too. You appear to be a really close family, a rare occurrence these days! What about your father? Is he slim already or his turn next? I bet you he is thrilled with his triple version of arm candy! What an impact a whole family makes, slim, healthy, happy, loving, alive... What an inspiration!
Agree with your post!
My children and I adore each other and they often express appreciation for what I do for them - so nice to see it happening elsewhere too!
Cheers,
Vim

Vim&Vigour · 10-31-2008, 12:45 PM

Hej Kelly Jersey!
Perhaps you could also guide your mother to the 5DPT? Without money involved, help her regain some of her own control, as a means of supporting her, involving her alongside you? You too sound a really close-knit family!
I hope you are feeling better now!
What a team you are!
Cheers,
Vim

Rubydoo · 10-31-2008, 12:48 PM

Thanks Vim.

That made my eyes well up a bit!! We are a very close family, not a day goes by that I don't speak to my mum and dad! My Dada is about 5ft 7 and probably about weighs about 17 stone something!!! Will he be next? We are all waiting..... he can lose weight very easily when he puts his mind to it! Bless him he is very good at advising others but not so good in practising what he preaches! I wish he would lose weight I worry that his health in the longterm!!

As you say it must be his decision though, I must admit his portions are getting some what smaller when one of his girl cooks for him now! lol!

jerseygrl684 · 10-31-2008, 12:50 PM

mom and dad arent together. havent been for umm. 15 yrs

.

He's big as well, has done WW, but refuses to admit that he has a weight issue of this magnitude. Especially seeing his 2 daughters go through the post op complications that they have.

Mom sis and i ARE very close, we have our moments, but these are the people who can truly understand me best. My sister has been on this forum as a guest and has been disgusted by what she saw, but she point blank said "Kel, you know what you are, you don't need the approval of losers"(sorry, her words). We try to keep eachother on track w/the eating, my sis is the nazi and thankkkkkk god she doesnt live w/ me & mom!!!! lol