somewhat confused....alittle annoyed - ThinnerTimes

moniram8 · 08-03-2008, 07:25 PM

Hey everyone
I need someone to tell me that i am not insane...
So I had my surgery exactly 3 months ago and things are going great....i posted new pics on my page today....and i couldnt be happier. No issues, no problems, no complications.....Well within my body that is.
I am very aware not to overdo all the weight loss talking and stuff...
There has been other things, but this post is already a novel...
Or....am i just insane??????
HELP!!!!

katzz87 · 08-03-2008, 08:01 PM

I vote...INSANE!

katzz87 · 08-03-2008, 08:04 PM

Just kidding!!!

I understand where you're coming from...I've lost 85+ pounds and hubby hasn't even mentioned it. It's hard to except...but it's the way it is.

Just don't let him side-line you on YOUR journey! You're doing fantastic!

Momof3 · 08-03-2008, 08:08 PM

men, even if they have been through this process, dont have the ability to support us like we supported them....not ALL men anyway....they just arent wired the same way, they dont think like we do and we expect them to see things the same way we do...which is so totally not possible.

I also think perhaps he's facing some insecurities and dissapointments within himself for gaining his weight back...your success just reminds him every day of his failures....thats why he offered you the cake, I doubt it was intentional, but some part of him wants you to cheat and eat the cake to appease his guilty conscious.

I wouldnt let it get to me, unless he gets worse and TOTALLY unsupportive....he's just a man, they cant help they are clueless most of the time.

mistymee · 08-03-2008, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momof3

men, even if they have been through this process, dont have the ability to support us like we supported them....not ALL men anyway...

Hmmm.. I would rather say that some -people- don't have the ability to support us the way we would support them.. I don't see this as a male/female issue at all. We have quite a few supportive men right here on this group as proof of that..

I won't even get into the amount of support my fiance has given me over the years.. he's been incredible.

fisher1000 · 08-03-2008, 08:14 PM

You're not insane...and he's probably not doing it on purpose.

What he's doing is compensating for his lack of commitment by trying (probably subconsciously) to undermine yours. If you fail, then his failures will be less difficult for him.

There are things you could do:

1. Remind him of how he felt after his own surgery and how his new healthy world was taking shape. Make sure he knows that you feel as though he's looking for you to fail even if he doesn't know that that is consciously what he's doing.
2. Remind him that his pouch still works and that this would be a great opportunity to get back on track WITH you as his big support! Planning meals and exercise opportunities together might rekindle things!
3. He could try the 5 day pouch test to help jump start him back on the wagon. You can read about it at 5daypouchtest.com.
4. When he offers you cake, or does something you feel is insensitive, tell him straight up that you understand that he might not mind having those things, but that you are making a choice to be healthy and that you would appreciate his support, whether he decides to make the same healthy decisions or not. Say it matter-of-factly; this is not meant to be said out of anger, sadness, jealousy, whatever--this is just how it is.

Some people don't know how to react to other's success, especially when they are undermining their own successes. Be open and communicative and hopefully he will come around.

Good luck with this! Perhaps Couples' Therapy could help too?

-Mike

offstringgirl · 08-03-2008, 08:19 PM

Maybe he is sad or jealous because he is gaining back his weight, and your's is flying off.

moniram8 · 08-03-2008, 08:36 PM

OMG
i didnt expect all this great advice! You all are so dead on as always.
I have been trying to just smile my way thru it, but i had to come here
and make sure i wasnt over-reacting or trying to see something that
wasnt there.....and that i wasnt INSANE
i may be nuts....but i aint insane

Thank you all
much love

moniram8 · 08-03-2008, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katzz87

I vote...INSANE!

i saw this and thought u were serious for a minute.....lol
I sat here with my mouth open staring at the screen lol

You are TOOOO funny baby girl
xoxoxoxoxo

moniram8 · 08-03-2008, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momof3

I also think perhaps he's facing some insecurities and dissapointments within himself for gaining his weight back...your success just reminds him every day of his failures....thats why he offered you the cake, I doubt it was intentional, but some part of him wants you to cheat and eat the cake to appease his guilty conscious.

very very interesting......like the song....things that make u go hmmmmmm

thanks so much