When do you start feeling normal??? - ThinnerTimes

armywife456 · 07-08-2008, 08:16 PM

I am so tired of feeling so strange, so NOT me! I feel like I could jump off a bridge sometimes! There are so many emotions and I have no way to channel them, I used to eat them away and now I can't!
My poor husband is caught in the middle of all my tears to anger, and anger to complete ROCK BOTTOM! On top of all his love that he has offered me and all the effort he has given towards making me feel as normal as possible, he seems to be ALOT of my problems!
I didn't used to feel this way, I mean yeah he occasionally bugged the crap out of me but now its more like a 24/7 ordeal. Its just not fair to him.
On top of that whole thing, I just wish to be cut back open and put back together again, the way God made me! I feel so alone, its a rather strange feeling. I feel like I am starving myself but I'm not, I just am flat out NOT HUNGRY! Its nice to feel this way, no hunger, but damn it! I wanna be hungry! LOL This is just all so crazy! I wanna glass of milk, can't have it yet, I want some damn MEAT, can't have it yet, and I wanna eat FRUIT, fresh fruit, but I can't have that either! AHHHHHHH!!!!! Its summer time darn it, fruit is EVERYWHERE, I wanna eat some NOW!
Also, I feel like when people look at me they know, they know that I had Gastric and its almost like they are looking down on me, like I took the easy way out or like I cheated or something. I know they have no idea but why does it feel like I am where a neon flashing sign above my head that says I had it? I sorta feel guilty and ashamed that I did this, that I had Gastric Bypass.
Mostly I wanna know if I will ever feel "normal" again and if this guilty feeling passes???? Also, did anyone feel as if they fell out of love with their spouse? I'm not sure if that is whats going on here but its pretty bad!
Well, off to bed, can't wait to hear back from everyone, this time I am looking for advice!

Thanks for listening!

BabyNicole · 07-08-2008, 08:59 PM

I'm so sorry you feel this way.

Since I'm single I think I have much less problems (man wise). I'm 2 weeks out and I feel normal again. I wish I could give you advice. I know someone else will be able to help you more.

New Healthy Lisa · 07-08-2008, 09:52 PM

The first couple of weeks are an emotional roller coaster, that's for sure. You are in the middle of a huge life change, and everyone who's been through it had the same feelings of loss. There is just no way to explain to someone pre-op what a massive upheaval it's going to be.

You will get to drink milk and eat fruit again. What you're going through is temporary. I know, that doesn't help when you want it NOW, but it's the best I can do. And in a few more days, even another week or so, you'll start to feel better. I promise!

You'll try on clothes that fit before but are suddenly too big. You'll catch sight of yourself in the mirror and realize you're looking different. And you'll get past all the immediate surgery stuff and start to really feel good. It will get better!

As you think of what you're going through now, though, I hope you see that this is not cheating or an easy way out. You very bravely underwent a major surgery because you wanted to change your life and your health for the better. That is nothing to be ashamed of! It is you taking control, and it was your decision and nobody else's business!

Right now, with all the upheaval in your life, it's also perfectly understandable that you don't feel the warm fuzzies toward your husband. But you know what? Love is more than a warm fuzzy emotion. It's a decision, a commitment. It's being together whether you feel like it today or not, because tomorrow will be another story.

Don't make any decisions right now about where your problems are coming from. Wait another couple of months until you are sure you've got your emotions and your post-op life under control, and analyze things when you can be rational.

Once the immediate storm of having surgery is past, you may see things in a whole different light.

Just hang in there - better times are ahead!

Squishy · 07-09-2008, 05:43 AM

Take a deep breath.... OK... let it out slowly....

There, that's a start.

It's kind of like that. You have to consciously stop yourself when you start to spin up into an emotional state. No longer having food to soothe yourself is quite a change, so it is only natural that you feel a little panicked at times.

Lisa did a great job of answering your questions in her post. You will be able to eat many of the things that you are craving. Fruit is not gone forever, meat is not gone forever, etc.

This period is really important for you because it will help you break the addictions and habits that have kept you from being healthier in the past. This is your withdrawal period. I think that in some ways it may be more difficult than withdrawal from some drugs or alcohol because you still have to eat. You cannot quit entirely.

Additionally... right now you are focused on what you cannot have. Soon, you will be able to have a lot of things you have not been able to have before because of your weight. You will be able to have more self confidence, more fun, more clothing options, more activity, etc. As your body shrinks physically, you spirit grows and fills all those hollow spaces that we have filled with food in the past. This begins to happen when you are able to look past what you have always done and begin to consider what is possible.

Sometimes it's scary. Our addictions and habits are so strong because they are "safe". We know what to expect, we are instantly comforted by them. I got so used to politely declining invitations because of my weight that it is still awkward for me to accept them, but I am getting better. It was so much easier to stay home in sweat pants with a half gallon of ice cream and a remote control.

Start making a list of things you want to do. Occupy your mind with these positive thoughts instead of focusing on what you cannot have today. Let yourself dream! Dream about the things you and your husband will be able to do together. Plan a vacation. It doesn't have to be expensive or exotic... just get away together.

For a while you will need to consciously choose your emotional state and take action to improve your situation. Not easy... but possible. You may need to talk to your doctor about medical help because your weight loss is causing major hormonal changes in your body that you may need some help to stabilize.

I hope this helps. I know most of us have gone through that rough period and empathize with your situation. But I'd bet that almost everyone will tell you that it is worth it! I know it was for me.

Best wishes!
-Mike-

Toony · 07-09-2008, 06:28 AM

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with this... It does get better, I promise! I can eat just about anything now, just not as much! My biggest problem is meat - and that is probably my own fault for not chewing the heck out of it...

I didn't tell many people I had the surgery - and am just now feeling confident enough and successful enough to say it out loud. I've had nothing but support and praise for my committment to a healthier lifestyle.

Hang in there sweetie... you're going to be fine - just try to relax and embrace the bright future that is coming your way!

love,

Katie

kit60 · 07-09-2008, 11:16 AM

I felt the same way after surgery. During one of my follow ups I talked to my doctor about it. I got on anti-depressants and had a therapist to talk to and that seemed to help a lot. 8 months later and I feel like I was a little silly. I'm sure I am addicted to food and will fight off and on with some of the feelings. Just my experience. Hope it helps.

Monica_Ann · 07-09-2008, 05:13 PM

First of all *big tight hug*....yes and yes to all of your post.

I don't care how much 'research' anyone does and how many 'pre' therapist talks or visits they have it's nothing like actually experiencing this first hand.

It is a very emotional time for you and you often times feel more alone when you are surrounded by your family. Cooking for them, is not the same. Being around them is not the same. Being with your spouse...is not the same. You know why? Cause you are not the same anymore. You have made a major commitment to be healthier and gigantic step in the love thyself department.

Nothing to feel bad about or sad over but I know that is easier said than done. I've been there and I went through the ' I want every man to see me now phase too and felt like my spouse was getting on my nerves and the kids too. Then I just flat out refused to cook anymore for like 2 weeks. Then would get all pissy cause I couldn't 'eat normal' which meant as before.

3 1/2 months later and I am so glad the emotions have calmed down considerably and that my family loves me as much as I love them. That they were able to help me pull through that and didn't take my outbursts so personal or to heart but instead tried to hold my hand even when I didn't want them to. You need it though, as much as you feel you don't.....you do. You need that support because the first few months are a wild trip and that's just the beginning.

Once you get past the crazy menstrual cycles and the weird feelings in your chest then you have the 'taste testing' time of new foods and then the 'oops I ate that too fast' time and then 'uh oh I need to find a private toilet in public' episodes. *lol*

But trust me, you are not alone in this. Never alone.