Question for long timers on maintenance - ThinnerTimes

Marella · 06-19-2008, 07:33 PM

When one is large, some people feel like there's a thin person inside trying to get out.

Now that you've succeeded and have reached or nearly reached your goal, do you feel like a thin person, or a fat person in a thin body?

I'm just curious as to how you've accommodated your mind to think about yourself. Do you ever think of what it was like before? Do you have reminders of your fat days around the house or on your fridge?

Alcoholics Anonymous teaches that when sober and free of their addiction to always say, "I am an alcoholic" for life.

Do formerly large people think of themselves, or say, "I am a fat person." for life? ... because food was our addiction.

What have you found to be a good mindset? What works for you?

Thanks for any and all replies.

veroniquetalk · 06-19-2008, 08:08 PM

I finally feel like ME. When I was overweight I never really felt like my outside matched my inside - now I feel like it does. I used to walk by a mirror and glance at myself and think, "OMG - that isn't me!" I can't really say that I feel like a fat or thin person - just the person I was all along - just that now my outsides match.

The following is my view about displaying things that remind me of my obese days. This is my opinion and this works for me but others probably feel differently.
I don't keep anything displayed that reminds me of my days of being obese. Instead of being reminded of what my life was like at the height of my illness I want to be celebrating my life with my illness under control. So, anything I have of me that is displayed are things that reflect myself now that I have reached a healthy weight. If I were recovering from cancer I can't imagine that I would keep pictures or some such thing of myself during the worst days of my illness displayed to remind me that I am a cancer survivor. I am an obesity survivor and I don't need anything to remind me of that. I do need things that remind me that living a healthy lifestyle is now up to me. I know many people don't look at obesity as a disease but I certainly do and I want to celebrate the fact that, so far, my disease is in remission!

MiladyB · 06-19-2008, 09:04 PM

Marella, for me I would have to agree with Veronica. At this point in my journey I feel like I'm the person I was always meant to be. I feel complete and whole.

That isn't a feeling that came easily though and for me I was having a hard time accepting my body until I had the plastic surgery. Before that I struggled with how I looked and I still felt like that fat person.

I think it has been a combination of the plastic surgery and time that has made me feel comfortable with myself. I can tell you that during those first 18 months or so I was struggling to get to know the person that was emerging. I didn't recognize the body, I didn't recognize the way I was acting around people....basicly I was a stranger to myself. In a way I found it rather unsettling for awhile. I had to learn to embrace the person that emerged. I had to learn I could trust her. I remember at about a year postop feeling just extremely unsettled almost to the point that I felt frantic but I had no idea why I was feeling that way.

Over the past year or so I've become more trusting of this person that has emerged. She has become my closest friend and I love the person that I am. I feel at peace with myself inwardly and outwardly.

I have very little around that reminds me of where I came from. I do carry a couple 'before' pictures in my purse and much to my co-workers dismay, I still have my old hospital ID that I wear at work. For some reason I just haven't gone and gotten the picture re-taken. Same with my driver's license. One day I will but in some way I kind of enjoy the reaction I get from patients, their families and others who look at my ID's....it has often turned into a great discussion starter.

And I hope, just maybe it can be used to help open the door to another who struggles with MO.

I'm not ashamed anymore of where I came from. It formed me into the person that I am today and if it wasn't for those years and years and years of obesity I wouldn't be who I am today. I love the person that I am, my special qualities and what I hopefully can bring to people. So basicly I've been able to be, on a certain level, grateful for my past and what it brought to my life and have found peace within myself.

Phoenixfire · 06-19-2008, 10:40 PM

Marella wrote: Now that you've succeeded and have reached or nearly reached your goal, do you feel like a thin person, or a fat person in a thin body?

Well I can't even remember what it was like before, I'm so far removed from that person. I AM a thin person, but I didn't completely REALIZE it until about 4 years after I lost all the weight. Maybe sooner, not sure. I just realized THIS IS ME, AND IT'S ME FOREVER. That was a big realization. So no, I don't feel like a fat person in a thin body. I think that might be what people feel when they are still afraid they'll gain the weight back. But I'm just speculating.

I only found a couple pics of me from before, and I have them around somewhere. That person isn't ME though, so it's like looking at someone I used to sort of know. But I KNOW this me. And I love this me. I didn't love THAT me. Kind of sad to realize that, but glad that I've found the person that I am now, and that I love very much. And it's NOT just because of what I look like. It's a whole lot more.

And I don't have a food addiction. It was broken by my pouch's control, I went through withdrawals for quite awhile, and now I simply eat because my body needs it, and I enjoy what I eat. Strangely enough, it's only healthy stuff that I even LIKE to eat. Never would have guessed THAT would have happened!

princesse · 06-20-2008, 07:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marella

Alcoholics Anonymous teaches that when sober and free of their addiction to always say, "I am an alcoholic" for life.

Do formerly large people think of themselves, or say, "I am a fat person." for life? ... because food was our addiction.

Marella...
I'm a drunk, a fat person & a pill abuser so I'd have to say my mindset is nowhere near a healthy one. When will it be better? I dunno, maybe when I stop hating myself & learn that I'm a better person than what has been programmed into my head forever. Who did the programming is a question I don't have the answer to. When I figure that out, maybe I'll begin to see myself as half the physical body I used to be.

I don't know that posting this reply is one of the smartest things I've ever done, btw...
Princesse

Marella · 06-20-2008, 09:03 AM

I truly appreciate all of your replies... and as I see, it truly does depend on where you are at your journey.

What you have written is all good to know. Pre-plastic surgery will probably be the hardest for most (as I've also seen on TV). Some TV'ers have said that at least when they were fat, they thought they looked more normal than now with loose skin and bat-wings.

I think for me, that will also be the hardest time in my life. I know that plastic surgery is a given, at my weight, my doc says that exercise is not enough to tone. So I've been putting away money hoping I'll have enough when the time comes.

I don't want to think of myself as a formerly fat person, or a fat person in a thin body. I too, want to be a NEW person, a new me, that the old has fallen away. It's just hard to imagine... those who've yo-yo'ed in their dieting know quite well. Once I actually lost down to 220... how I gained to 349? I know I have to take total responsibility for that. I allowed myself to be emotionally controlled by food.

That's why I have pouch the tool. I've harnessed my emotions a 17 months ago when I decided on WLS... that was the day I would no longer let emotions into it... but the addiction was still there. The pouch, right now, has taken away my addiction... I just need to be aware of what, and I'm sure there will be a what, that can trigger my addiction again.... or maybe, just maybe, I'll just climb that mountain.

Thanks again everyone! I'm saving this thread.

Princesse... it's a "One Day At A Time" type thing. What you've written was truly brave. Thank you. And I hope you take it to heart and overcome your demons.

bridgetgirl · 06-21-2008, 12:02 PM

Im a fat person for life, I know that the possibilty to return to that person is very possible and very real.

Maintenance has been about control. I have completely retrained myself and my eating habits. I know I can eat 2 tacos, but wont. I know I can go for seconds, but refuse to. I cont eating 3 oz portion sizes although I know I can handle more. I realize I dont need more, I eat for nourishment, not fun, not for coping. Food is a tool like my pouch is. I focus on things that arwe nutritionally sound and provide myself with the most optimal food choices. Dont get me wrong, i have my "cheat" days, but I dont do it often and I dont overindulge.

I have a kinds of pictures up at my house, I am who I am despite my pant size. Thay was a stage in my life just as being a baby, adolesence, high school, etc.

I dont feel trapped, I have a good body image. I dont have people reminding me of my obesity because I moved out of the area I grew up in. After 4.5 years my family doesnt even remember me fat anymore, my kids cant even remember me fat.

I too live one day at a time, because thats all we are guranteed, the time, day and minute that we exsist in now. So I think to myself, how do I be the best mom, friend, daughter, aunt, etc that I can be.

So thats the way I roll post operatively.

coptergirl · 06-21-2008, 12:46 PM

All terrific answers, and each so true. For me, like Bridge, the potential is very real to end back where I was, but I like who I am now where I didn't before, and so I want to remain the the newer and thinner me. Each thing I put in my mouth is a choice - my choice for health.

I have a new self confidence, I have a new wardrobe, I have new things I love to do that I can't do as a fat person. I chose to live as a thin person, but images of the old me are still in my head, and I don't like her.

Re: keeping reminders around of my old self. I have my biggest jeans still left over. I have pictures, but many of them are with my soon-to-be-ex, so they are all in a box I will one day burn in a bonfire. I also have my surgery journal that documents my monthly loss that i will keep as simply a momento of my journey to a new, thin, and healthy..ME

AusLaurie · 06-21-2008, 08:42 PM

I wonder if part of whether we feel like a fat person in a thin body or like our true person has finally emerged has something to do with WHEN we started our battle with obesity?

I started mine at about 8 years old. I know others who only put on the weight after childbirth but had a great body throughout their teens. They seem to not see themselves in the same light that I see myself.

I still see myself as fat. Whenever my shirt feels tight against my tummy for example, I look down and am surprised that my tummy isn't huge. I am often reminded that I am not as big as I used to be because I fit better into booths or chairs etc but ultimately I still feel fat.

I also live in constant fear that I will regain the weight as I have done my whole life after losing it. I still obsess about food, what I can eat, when I can eat, what I ate that I shouldn't have etc.

I hope with time that will fade. I so very much want to feel like a "normal" person.

As far as pictures go, I have pictures displayed of our committment ceremony (marriage) displayed even though it was pre surgery. I think I looked very happy and beautiful on that day. I don't keep any pictures up where I think I looked fat and unhealthy. Funnily enough I may even have been heavier on our committment ceremony day than on other photos that I don't display. It shows what love can do

Laurie

Marella · 06-22-2008, 12:54 PM

It's so awesome to read your replies...

I thank you very much for sharing your NOW body emotions -- and there's a variety of how each of you deal and cope with your new selves that is great 'food' for thought (

) for the futures of any WLS newbie.

Question:

We, us newbies, have the benefit of your experiences, and for that, let me say Thank You on behalf of everyone.

What kind of help did you have as you began your journey and began losing the weight?

and can you share what your basic hopes were and how they may or may not have changed?

and if there was just one thing, just one thing along the way that just clicked for you, in your head, your heart, your life, your eating, etc, what was it that made you just stick to it?

Thank ever so,