dating and WLS - ThinnerTimes

bridgetgirl · 04-18-2005, 05:59 PM

I am at point in my life that I no longer wish to disclose to men that I am dating that I have had weightloss surgery. I hate all the questions, explaining, etc that comes along with it. I suppose if we got serious enough and it came down to it I would have some explaining to do when the scars are noticed.

Does this sound weird? I was also curious to know if those of you who are single, do you think it would be easier to date a stapler as he/she would be in touch with our emotional needs and stuff.

Looking for your feedback! Chat with ya soon.

Meaghan · 04-18-2005, 06:02 PM

Bridget -

I think it's up to you if you want to tell or not. My reasoning is that it's really no one's business but yours. Especially when dating... if it got more serious maybe, but I've found in my past I lay everything out on the line when it's really not necessary. Go with how you feel, but don't think you have to tell anyone anything.

bridgetgirl · 04-18-2005, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meaghan

Bridget -

I think it's up to you if you want to tell or not. My reasoning is that it's really no one's business but yours. Especially when dating... if it got more serious maybe, but I've found in my past I lay everything out on the line when it's really not necessary. Go with how you feel, but don't think you have to tell anyone anything.

hey Meaghan, thanks for the response. Do you think it would be easier to date a stapler or just as easy to date a regular guy?

You see in my head Im still fat and I know that behavior is carried with me. i cant help it, so Im wondering by dating another stapler if it would ultimately be easier and be a more "accepting" relationship.. maybe I think too much and I just havent found my prince charming that accepts me unconditionally, regardless if he has stapes or not.

Sometimes I think it may easier.... but then again do i want someone else with the same mentality as me... baggage, issues, codependency, etc.... I dunno maybe Im thinking too hard about it. i didnt know if anyone else thought about it too..... Talk to ya soon

katlover66 · 04-18-2005, 06:25 PM

Bridget,
You will know when and if it is the right time time to discuss your wls. That is a personal discission on your part and nobody elses.

Meaghan · 04-18-2005, 06:31 PM

Oh God - how nice would it be to date someone with no issues - but let's face it... everyone's got em!

I never really thought about dating one guy vs. another... just as they come?

I'd like to hope that one day I'll meet a guy that will be there for me, regardless of my issues, baggage, WLS or whatever. But I'm starting to realize that no matter who comes my way - if I'm not okay with myself "he" will never be what/who I need. Make sense?

I put my all into my last boyfriend, so much so that my world revolved around him... I was thin, long hair and felt pretty. But it ended pretty brutally and he was arrested for attacking me and we never ever spoke again. That totally deflated me... like if I wasn't good enough then how on earth could I possibly be good enough fat??? It's been 2 years, loads of counseling and I'm just starting to figure out that I can only take care of myself, I can only fix myself and I must love myself FIRST.

I suppose dating a guy that has had WLS might bring more similarities into the equation but I think it really depends on the person and how you feel about yourself.

Right after my ex bF and I "ended" I searched high and low to repalce him, but it just didn't work - for good reason too... it's okay to be alone, I certainly don't want to be but I know that it's not forever and in the mean time my son and I have time together while my prince comes to find me!

PS... my mom always says "fake it till you make it" - change that "fat" recording in your head to "trim,slim,healthy" until your mind gets it!

LauraLee · 04-18-2005, 06:35 PM

Brdiget...
Here is my 2 cents. I dont think it would make it easier or harder. The only way it would make it easier is in the eating area. He would understand your eating habbits etc.
I agree with Meaghan, dont spill out all your beans in the begining! Take time on your side and when you feel it is right for him to know, tell him. He needs to get to know you for you, you as the women you are and get to know your personality, likes and dislikes and so on. When he likes you, then you may tell him. Most Men I dont think would care, but I do understand that there are shallow Men out there who would. And if he is that shallow, then you should not be with him in the first place!
I hope this helps.

tazbabygirl69 · 04-18-2005, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

I was also curious to know if those of you who are single, do you think it would be easier to date a stapler as he/she would be in touch with our emotional needs and stuff.

Looking for your feedback! Chat with ya soon.

Bridget,
Just my opinion here. It seems to me if you start saying that you are only going to date this kind of person or that kind of person, you begin to practice the same discrimination we have been faced with as "fat" people. Stop analyzing and live in the moment. By focusing on all that can go wrong, you miss all the good. Look at the total package and not just the wrapping.

TabFox · 04-18-2005, 09:31 PM

Here's my 2 cents. What if you had a scar for open heart surgery, or hip surgery, or a c-section? Would it be that much of an issue? Of course not. The way I look at it, we had a disease and had surgery to correct it. Any man worth having wouldn't judge you on having the surgery or even care about scars. I have a nice 10 inch gallbladder scar that I got before I met my husband. Come to think of it, he's never even mentioned it and we've been together for 12 years. Personally, I wouldn't even bring the matter up at first. If you start dating someone regularly, then maybe talk about it casually like "oh, you had your tonsils out? cool, I had my gut plumbed." Face it, any man that is LUCKY enough to date you is going to be focused on what a beautiful person you are, both inside and out.

Jeanie · 04-18-2005, 10:33 PM

I still have friends that I haven't told. I just think that it's not there business. When I want someone to know I will tell them. IF I ever start dating a guy I don't think that I would tell him right away, just because I don't lay all my beans on the table at once. If it started getting really serious then I would tell him, and screw him if he doesn't like it. If someone doesn't understand then they're not the person for us!

HapBird · 04-18-2005, 10:46 PM

Seems to me no particular reason to go into this recent past unless - and until - things get serious. Even then, whose business is it anyhow?

I think NOT talking about it would give you a wonderful new experience of being your new non-fat self - what a great opportunity!

Go for it in happy anonymity!