+/- 2 years post op...what is your challenge? - ThinnerTimes

LisaBoston · 09-23-2007, 11:04 AM

At different stages through this process, we seem to go through struggles, challenges and WOW moments. At some point after the "weight loss phase" the plastics and living life again it seems that we get a "lull" and its not so exciting every day as it was before. Early out we have a full time job eating and drinking, adding in exercise and then plateau, loose more weight and hopefully at some point get to our goal weight. Then its plastics for many and when thats over.....well I guess thats my question.

So what are your biggest challenges now...is it food issues, mental issues, exercise ....

I still have a few issues that I deal with - some come and go, others are constant. I feel like I have lost my sex drive totally. Its almost like having to put it on the list of things to do, and I don't want that. I guess all the hormonal changes, still having a hole in my gutt doesn't help either. The drive was there after the GBP, but not after the tummy tuck.

I am always fearful of eating. Its like I am obsessed with it. Will I ever feel like I am a normal person..probably not. I even ordered a coffee with my meal yesterday, just to feel the warm cup, have a few sips and feel normal in a restaurant. I am SO SCARED of that scale moving up.

So whats your biggest challenge right now?

shereeks · 09-23-2007, 01:19 PM

It's funny that you post this Lisa - just the other day when I met Gwen (Aphrodite) we were talking about this - what happens when the journey is over?

For me personally I'm really struggling with being 'normal'. For the past year I've had people constantly commenting on how good I look, how much of changed, how brilliantly I have done and now it's stopped. People just see me as Sheree - this is show she looks and will always look.

I never really thought I was the sort of person that needed peoples' attention or approval but maybe I am.

I miss going down in clothes sizes every few weeks even though I am at a 10 (US size) I still don't seem to be happy.

For a year this surgery has been all consuming and now it's not and I don't know what to do with myself - I feel a bit 'lost' if that makes any sense.

I hear what you're feeling Lisa and I wish I could offer some answers but I can't - I guess it's just something we all have to work through in time.

bridgetgirl · 09-24-2007, 12:02 AM

The hardest thing for me is this, I have been trying to convince myself for the past 3 years that. "Im still the same person." Well I just recently realized that IM NOT. Every aspect of my life has changed, from how I cope with stress, my look and the clothes I choose... I have to dress and primp less for a job interview, and am forced to be less attractive. I lost friends, I gained new ones, the ones I lost I dont miss, the ones that have befriended me in the past 3 years have mostly done so for their own selfish reasons. I used to embrace, and trust and welcome people into my life with open loving, trusting hands, without prejudice......when I was fat I wasnt a threat, now that Im thin I feel as though people have an alterior motive. When I was fat I was independent, and strong and alone, now I have people out of nowhere wanting to "help me"........ why? The "friends" that I made since WLS refuse to talk to me, but rather about me. All I can do about this is accept it. I didnt have any of these concerns as a fat woman. Now Im desirable, intriguing, attractive, and envied..... none of these things as a fat woman. The hardest thing for me is accepting that I cannot be the same person, that I am not the same person. Now I have to identify who I am, who I want to be, and what I want. I have to change my persona, before WLS I had to deal with being victimized and abused by people that I had no control over, now I know differently, now I cope differently, I am no longer "the same person." That has scared the crap out of me.

Guess where I have been folks? Going out of my friggin mind! I am battling depression, anxiety, because of my depression I have a thyroid problem and I am losing weight effortlessly. I am 153 pounds as of last Friday. My weight doesnt concern me, my support system does.
The challenge? Finding out who I am today, identifying who truly cares about me and my well being, and constantly battling codependency and having to accept I am truly not the same person I was before WLS.
I fear that many of you will find joy in reading this, I fear the people who say I am their "friend" wont call, text or email to say, "What the F is goin on?" Frankly I dont need it now, but when your M.IA. for 2 months, isnt anyone concerned? Huh friends? But like I said before, many of you will find joy in reading this. My REAL friends, they know whats going on. I realize that we all lead busy active lives, but I hope reading my story will impress upon you to call or email your friends just to check in. When I was a fat woman it was easier to accept and make excuses for inappropriate behavior, now I can no longer do, tolerate or accept it. These are a few of my challenges, I know I will overcome, I know I will be healthy, I know I will never get fat again, I know who Im not, Im working on who I am and what I will be, and I will be okay. One day at a time.

I highly encourage those who have WLS, and who are survivors of abuse as a child to stick with a counselor, even if it is someone you see once a month. And thats all I have to say about that.

Jeanie · 09-24-2007, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

The hardest thing for me is this, I have been trying to convince myself for the past 3 years that. "Im still the same person." Well I just recently realized that IM NOT. Every aspect of my life has changed, from how I cope with stress, my look and the clothes I choose... I have to dress and primp less for a job interview, and am forced to be less attractive. I lost friends, I gained new ones, the ones I lost I dont miss, the ones that have befriended me in the past 3 years have mostly done so for their own selfish reasons. I used to embrace, and trust and welcome people into my life with open loving, trusting hands, without prejudice......when I was fat I wasnt a threat, now that Im thin I feel as though people have an alterior motive. When I was fat I was independent, and strong and alone, now I have people out of nowhere wanting to "help me"........ why? The "friends" that I made since WLS refuse to talk to me, but rather about me. All I can do about this is accept it. I didnt have any of these concerns as a fat woman. Now Im desirable, intriguing, attractive, and envied..... none of these things as a fat woman. The hardest thing for me is accepting that I cannot be the same person, that I am not the same person. Now I have to identify who I am, who I want to be, and what I want. I have to change my persona, before WLS I had to deal with being victimized and abused by people that I had no control over, now I know differently, now I cope differently, I am no longer "the same person." That has scared the crap out of me.

Guess where I have been folks? Going out of my friggin mind! I am battling depression, anxiety, because of my depression I have a thyroid problem and I am losing weight effortlessly. I am 153 pounds as of last Friday. My weight doesnt concern me, my support system does.
The challenge? Finding out who I am today, identifying who truly cares about me and my well being, and constantly battling codependency and having to accept I am truly not the same person I was before WLS.
I fear that many of you will find joy in reading this, I fear the people who say I am their "friend" wont call, text or email to say, "What the F is goin on?" Frankly I dont need it now, but when your M.IA. for 2 months, isnt anyone concerned? Huh friends? But like I said before, many of you will find joy in reading this. My REAL friends, they know whats going on. I realize that we all lead busy active lives, but I hope reading my story will impress upon you to call or email your friends just to check in. When I was a fat woman it was easier to accept and make excuses for inappropriate behavior, now I can no longer do, tolerate or accept it. These are a few of my challenges, I know I will overcome, I know I will be healthy, I know I will never get fat again, I know who Im not, Im working on who I am and what I will be, and I will be okay. One day at a time.

I highly encourage those who have WLS, and who are survivors of abuse as a child to stick with a counselor, even if it is someone you see once a month. And thats all I have to say about that.

Hey I don't have your new cell #. I've tried getting a hold of you by e-mail etc. I even asked Robin on another thred to let you know I need your #. I know this isn't about "me", but I do care and love you I just have no way to get ahold of you.

Oh yeah and I have no joy in reading this. It makes me worry about you, and the fact that I can't get a hold of you sucks even more.

LisaM · 09-24-2007, 09:23 AM

At two years post-op on 9/26, my relationship with food is no better than it was as an obese person, but I'm working on it, which I was NOT doing when I was obese. I am in counseling, and I am on medication for depression, something that also went unrecognized when I was medicating my life with food.

My 27-year relationship with my husband is shakier than it's ever been, but like Bridget, I don't think I'm the same person I was pre-op. I put up with much less crap than I used to, and I refuse now to be neglected or taken for granted. Luckily, my husband sees his past behavior as neglectful as well. He is also in counseling, and we are both working hard every day to change our behavior.

I bounced up from 137 pounds at my lowest to my present range of 150 to 153 pounds, and have stayed there for the last ninety days or so. I was dismayed, to say the least, to regain any weight, as I believe I expressed in my "venting the struggle" thread. On my more reasonable days (today's one... yay!) I realize it's just a number. What matters most is that I feel terrific physically--my size at my lowest was a size 6, but I am comfortable now in sizes 8 and 10.

I do not exercise nearly enough--I have used every excuse to not exercise, from my bad knees to my depression to the summer heat. I bought an exercise ball to do my resistance at home, and did one day of step aerobics and one of resistance last week. This week I plan to do two of each, next week three. Gotta start somewhere.

I'm also feeling very much better about myself professionally, and I have a second interview for a job that I would really like to get tomorrow... so I went and got my hair carmelized today (sounds high sugar, doesn't it?) and bought a new suit. I'll take pictures....

Zenomia · 09-24-2007, 11:16 AM

I think it's fair to say we aren't the same people we were MO. I know I am NOT! Where I was confident I am now unsure, where I was strong I now feel volunerable, where I was hiding behind my fears - I now face them head on! I think the difference for some of us is that I do know what it's like to be "normal", or not Obese (MO) When I was younger, much younger (HS) I was only slightly bigger than I am now. Sure this was short lived, but I have that experience to draw upon. Others who have been MO their whole lives are going to have a more drastic changes to deal with with no prior experience.

I know it's easy to say we are the same, we think the same, we have the same values, beliefs...but at the same time we have changed everything around us 180 degrees. We have changed our clothes, looks, foods, habits, coping skills, friendships...everything, though sometimes small and insignifigant....it all adds up to something HUGE!

I am still in that in-between phase. I have more plastics to do in a few months, and possibly more after that....(depending on finances). I am not quite at the point where there is Nothing left to do. I guess, and this is just a guess, that at that point I will have to really work hard at Maintaining everything I have done. It seems like a bit of a anti-climax after the past 16 months, but I am pretty sure it's going to be the most important part of this journey. Once we get where we want to be....we have to work at keeping it that way!!!

Lisa...the good news is, if your happy, everyone's happy. If your not....it spreads! Your weight, though fluxing may stay there for a bit, may drop back down in a year or two. Who knows. These tools are tricky little devils and everyone's works differently than the last persons. I know one lady that drops and gains 20#s yearly! It's a really bizzare coaster we have decided to ride....just keep hanging on!!

Bridget - I don't know you, as you don't know me...Though I feel for you in your loss of friends and mistrust of new friendships. I believe that is something I am dealing with right now with a few in my life. It's really bizzare to watch how people who never gave you a thought now treat you as a threat. I don't have that figured either.... It is good to know that it's happening to others as well. Oh, and though I don't know you, I did ask Robin after you a few weeks ago. So, even those who you don't know...noticed you weren't here...don't sell everyone short, you may have people out there pulling for you that you don't even know about. Such is the great thing about the internet!

Lisa...What a nice thoughtful question.

Mavisavis · 09-24-2007, 07:19 PM

At 2 years out I struggle mostly with the food obsession, while at the same time I live in constant fear of gaining. I also am having trouble getting back into the habit of working out. I had to "start all over" after the bypass, then again after each round of plastics. This time I just can't seem to get back. I decided I need to allow myself to go swim and soak in the jacuzzi just to get me there at all...then try to start small and get motivated.

Mr AOR · 09-30-2007, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

The hardest thing for me is this, I have been trying to convince myself for the past 3 years that. "Im still the same person." Well I just recently realized that IM NOT. Every aspect of my life has changed, from how I cope with stress, my look and the clothes I choose... I have to dress and primp less for a job interview, and am forced to be less attractive. I lost friends, I gained new ones, the ones I lost I dont miss, the ones that have befriended me in the past 3 years have mostly done so for their own selfish reasons. I used to embrace, and trust and welcome people into my life with open loving, trusting hands, without prejudice......when I was fat I wasnt a threat, now that Im thin I feel as though people have an alterior motive. When I was fat I was independent, and strong and alone, now I have people out of nowhere wanting to "help me"........ why? The "friends" that I made since WLS refuse to talk to me, but rather about me. All I can do about this is accept it. I didnt have any of these concerns as a fat woman. Now Im desirable, intriguing, attractive, and envied..... none of these things as a fat woman. The hardest thing for me is accepting that I cannot be the same person, that I am not the same person. Now I have to identify who I am, who I want to be, and what I want. I have to change my persona, before WLS I had to deal with being victimized and abused by people that I had no control over, now I know differently, now I cope differently, I am no longer "the same person." That has scared the crap out of me.

Guess where I have been folks? Going out of my friggin mind! I am battling depression, anxiety, because of my depression I have a thyroid problem and I am losing weight effortlessly. I am 153 pounds as of last Friday. My weight doesnt concern me, my support system does.
The challenge? Finding out who I am today, identifying who truly cares about me and my well being, and constantly battling codependency and having to accept I am truly not the same person I was before WLS.
I fear that many of you will find joy in reading this, I fear the people who say I am their "friend" wont call, text or email to say, "What the F is goin on?" Frankly I dont need it now, but when your M.IA. for 2 months, isnt anyone concerned? Huh friends? But like I said before, many of you will find joy in reading this. My REAL friends, they know whats going on. I realize that we all lead busy active lives, but I hope reading my story will impress upon you to call or email your friends just to check in. When I was a fat woman it was easier to accept and make excuses for inappropriate behavior, now I can no longer do, tolerate or accept it. These are a few of my challenges, I know I will overcome, I know I will be healthy, I know I will never get fat again, I know who Im not, Im working on who I am and what I will be, and I will be okay. One day at a time.

I highly encourage those who have WLS, and who are survivors of abuse as a child to stick with a counselor, even if it is someone you see once a month. And thats all I have to say about that.

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, Bridget. Maybe we don't change as much as the people around us? I dunno...(shrug)

LisaBoston · 09-30-2007, 06:59 PM

In many ways our challenges are very similar, yet different too. In the end its how we handle them and coming here to share sure helps me feel like I am not alone going through this. Its life altering!

MiladyB · 09-30-2007, 08:23 PM

Lisa, even though I'm not where you are yet I do get what you are saying. I've thought about this alot pre-plastics. I found myself in quite a bit of emotional turmoil before my plastics surgery. I think a lot of it revolved around the feeling that this was kind of the "end" for me. I don't expect to get any more plastics (though I will never say never) but I feel this surgery will be eventually bringing me down to my goal and when I started looking into plastic surgery what I was able to have done was my ultimate goal. I think my turmoil revolved around the feelings of "now what?".

You know the past 20 months have been such a roller coaster for both of us and in some ways there was a thrill to that...the thrill of change. I remember Dyann asking almost this exact question when she reached "goal"....now what do I do?

I think now is the time that we re-learn what is important to us in our lives. It is the time that we now work on finding out how to be happy within ourselves and to feel comfortable within ourselves. Yes, things have changed for many of us....some things for the better, others have been thrown into emotional upheaval.

You know this surgery basically just puts us on a level playing field with others in the world. You know we aren't the only ones who have these struggles, who fear the gaining of weight, who have to learn what it is we want in our lives. My 25 year old daughter goes through many of those struggles too and believe me she has never known the pain of obesity.

For the past 20 months you and I have worked mostly on the physical side of our lives...its been hard and challenging work, now its time for you and me to be working on learning how to live as a "normal" person does, with all of their struggles, challenges and fears....

.....its called "living" Lisa, and that is the exact reason I took the step I did 20 months ago today...so I could learn to live.

Happy 20th podmate!!