I still see that fat girl!! - ThinnerTimes

Bmuscial · 08-16-2007, 06:42 AM

I am 8 months out and i have lost over a hundred lbs and for some reason i still see myself as that fat girl. I have a hugh problem in my marriage and i know that doesn't help but come on i am ready to let go of that big person. I'm sorry i'm whining but the other night my husband hurt my feeling so bad that i decided i needed to stop watching SNAPPED on oxygen just in case i kill him. I am 5'6 and weigh 140 i am comfortably in a size four and i like it here. Just need my plastics and i will be good. So i was trying on a pair of shorts and i asked him how i looked. He didn't respond so i changed the question. " Do you think i'm skinny" So he responds " no maybe average" A##HOLE> Then i say well do you think i look good since i lost all this weigh. " I guess but we know where you problem area's are. You need to do something about your stomach and your boobs are kind of gone to." OH MY GOD on snapped this would be the point where i take the ax and chopped him into little pieces. I mean this coming from a man who it never occurs to to have sex with me. I'm starting to get alot of attention from other guys and i have decided that i will join the "Hi i'm an adulter club" here shortly. After that conversation i just felt like it didn't make any difference wheather i was fat or small when it comes to him. My size want make him any less os an A##hole. So i've decided that i will never again care what he thinks about me.

Debz · 08-16-2007, 11:15 AM

First, you need a hug. So, ((Hugs))...I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. I think one of the things WLS can do is remove pretense in a marriage. When you were heavy, you bore the burden of why things might have been sucky. "We don't have sex cuz I'm fat." " We don't relate so well cuz I'm fat". He looks at other women cuz I'm fat". "The price of gas is up because I'm fat"...

You get the point. Well, you're not fat anymore. So maybe the reason you don't have sex, relate well, he looks at other women and you pay such high gas prices isn't because you're fat, but because he's a jerk.

I just think it's so easy to bear the burden of the problems in a relationship when we're heavy. And once that pretense is gone, the ugly truth begins to show. It wasn't all you. I could be totally off the mark here...but it's just food for thought.

One last little thing. My advice would be, even tho you didn't ask for it...Finish one thing before you start another. From experience I can tell you that adultery is an ugly thing...even if it's justified. It's a can of worms, that once opened, never fits back neatly in the can. No matter how you slice it, it always seems to come back and hurt you, even if you thought there was no way that could happen.

I hope things work out for you the way you want them too....

Gina in NY · 08-16-2007, 12:06 PM

You know - they don't change. I just had 80 inches of incision cut into my body so my boobs are perky, my tummy flat etc. I have some swelling still, but I was looking in the mirror with DH there, and said something like, "This is so exciting - I look so much better - don't you think" and he said, "You'll need to do some exercises for your butt" This, from a man who looks 9 months pregnant. I just stood there and stared at him thinking, "If you think you're getting any of this you're stupid".

Now I understand the desire to be appreciated elsewhere - Here I am size 12, but I've already had offers, but the fact is, you have to do the right thing. Why hang on? End one thing before you start the next. It will clear your head too, keep you from getting another asshole. You have to calm down enough to decide what you want and deserve - not just go out and find the opposite of what you have. That isn't always the best fit either.

For what its worth - I know that at 140 - you look skinny (that is my dream goal weight) and you without a doubt look SOOO much better than when you were heavy and at your size, you are not average, you are small. The whole country is overweight - go to the mall. You'll see it. You're among about 30% of people who are at a healthy weight. If you're married to a blind, unappreciative, insensitive moron with a libido only fit for a computer, you know what to do. Cheating is not satisfying. makes you the bad guy. But freedom is the sweetest thing (I hear).

Good luck!

ScootRider · 08-16-2007, 12:41 PM

Yeah....MEN ARE PIGS!!!

You should all become lesbians.

<Sarcasm over>

One question....did that man love you when you were carrying around that 100+ extra weight?

1> If the answer is yes then you should not be so quick to discard him now just because he is not as excited about your new body as you are.

You knew your boobs were gonna sag...and you were not gonna be able to bounce a quarter off that ass. did you expect him not to be honest? IF he had lied you would have felt better?

2> If the answer is no, well you should have dumped him long before now anyway.

HeatherT · 08-16-2007, 07:07 PM

my x never wanted me to have the surgery now he blames the surgery and says i became the superficial person i hated when i was fat - well let tm just say now that we are getting a DIVORCE i am SO much happier - you dont have to be put down you can be happy the man i am with now every once in a while will say things that remind me he use to date a 22 year old but you know what he will make up for it and sy he loves me just the way i am - now i am going to get a tummy tuck and boobs next week that he is paying for but its because I want them i asked for them he didnt offer until i said i wanted it! my x was happier when i was fat because he could be a vicodin addict lying and sneaking behind my back and no one was interested in me so i would not leave him well i showed him and now he is still addicted and losing everything while i am happy and moving on to a better life

hello kitty · 08-16-2007, 07:22 PM

My situation hasn't gotten as bad as yours...yet... but responses from my hubby are similar (or non-existent at all)... so I sympathize.

I don't know if they get jealous because of how fast we're losing weight.. or the possibilty of us looking better.. not to mention I think they're scared that we ARE going to find someone else and leave them, so they start putting up bigger walls thinking it will protect them.

I can't really give you any great advice in your situation, considering I'm not really sure what to do myself.. but I feel your pain, and I hope everything works out like you want it to. I know I'm trying to make mine work.

Gina in NY · 08-16-2007, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScootRider

Yeah....MEN ARE PIGS!!!

You should all become lesbians.

<Sarcasm over>

One question....did that man love you when you were carrying around that 100+ extra weight?

1> If the answer is yes then you should not be so quick to discard him now just because he is not as excited about your new body as you are.

You knew your boobs were gonna sag...and you were not gonna be able to bounce a quarter off that ass. did you expect him not to be honest? IF he had lied you would have felt better?

2> If the answer is no, well you should have dumped him long before now anyway.

You know - there is a HUGE difference between being a pig and being a friend. Yes, we knew what we were going to look like, but a comment like, "I am so happy for you" or "You're just going to get better and better" while not saying, "Baby - you're hot with all this flabby skin" is a far cry from the critisism we received.

In both cases here - the women were expressing joy at their changes, and had comments that rained on their parade. It isn't about being a pig - it is about being hurtful. It is about shutting down the joy of the person you are suppose to love the most in this world. It is not about lying. I wouldn't speak that way to a girlfriend who asked me, or a male friend. I wouldn't talk that way to anyone - I'd find a way to be supportive when hearing their excitement. I think it is reasonable to expect that kind of sensitivity from the person I pledged to spend the rest of my life with.

The men are pigs line is a cop out. Men aren't pigs unless they choose to act that way. I love men but I'm not going to be happy with anyone who says something hurtful and insensitive to me.

ScootRider · 08-16-2007, 11:04 PM

I am not there and the situation may very well not be salvageable..

BUT, I think the partner of a gastric bypass patient may experience as much emotion about the changes occuring in his/her partner as the patient does.

My wife, for the very first time in our then 13 year marriage, started expressing concerns about me and other women once I shed a bunch of weight. At first it came as a surprise to me, but then I realized I would probably react in the same fashion had the roles been reversed.

Her partner may not be the most sensitive or the best with a word. But there are more things to being a man and a spouse than being hypersensitive.

Yes, he may in fact be saying some hurtful things. But the question is WHY is he saying these things at this point in time. She needs to look at the whole picture and whether or not he has other good qualities. Is he a good provider, if he is a parent is he a good one....etc..

She could actually probably try to relieve his feeling that she may not find him as attractive now that she is so much more attractive. I am just saying...this guy is your spouse..he deserves SEVERAL benefits of the doubt.

If, after giving it a good chance and trying to work out some shit, it still doesn't look good...then I am the first to say don't waste any more time.

Jeanie · 08-17-2007, 08:03 AM

I'm 3+ years out and still alot of times see the "fat girl". I've been big my whole life, and this is the smallest I can ever remember being, but my head tells me different sometimes. As for your husband sometimes guys speak before they think of the hurtfull way it sounds. I know you've had problems with him in the past. If you think it's worth working on you should. I hope in the end you get the happiness that you want and deserve.