"secret" surgery 7/30/07 - ThinnerTimes

cute&fun2bwith · 08-03-2007, 01:03 PM

I had my surgery this week, and it wasn't something I was telling people I was doing. A total of 6 people in my life know I did it. I am not sure where to go from here. My husband keeps asking me what am I going to tell people when they ask about the weight loss, and I don't know what to say. I am afraid of the reactions from people. At 5'4" and 230 lbs I don't fall into what the population consider as a person needing gastric bypass. Of course they don't see me with my clothes off or know my health issues. I don't know how to handle the "Ohhhhh" that I can hear coming from everyone already. Does anyone have any ideas on what I should say or do? How I should I act? We are talking that I haven't even told anyone in my family, or my husbands family. They are all extremely opinionated people. Thoughts please.

Zenomia · 08-03-2007, 01:11 PM

First...WELCOME!!! You had surgery with the same Group and I did!! Glad you found us!! (There a quite a few Genesis people here...)

As to telling. Well...I kept my mouth shut to most everyone. After the fact, it's hard to hide it. When asked you can choose to just say "thanks" when comments are made or when questions are asked you could respond with "I am on a very strict physicians diet and work with a nutritionist. If you don't want to tell, you don't have to. As the weight comes off, you may change your mind...I did. When I finally did tell someone the first time, it was like I was admitting to myself that I failed at everything else and took the proverbial, 'easy way out'. The more people I told though, the more I realized this has been a very difficult journey and it doesn't get any easier, in fact, most of the time things get harder the further out you are. What you choose, is always YOUR choice. People will speculate and be downright rude, eventually. Have responses pre-figured that you can refer to when those dang questions come up.

You might see that as time goes on you will deal differently with the whole thing.

Gosh..was that wordy enough? Congrats on joining the Losing Bench!

Polly D · 08-03-2007, 01:24 PM

Welcome! I agree with Zen, no one has a right to information about the state of your digestive system

I'm not planning to tell, and I usually blab everything to anyone who will listen. I might change my mind later, then again I might not.

I've heard of people talking about the other changes they've made, the ones that take the weight off and help keep it off: lower carb intake, more exercise, cutting calories.

LyndasRoom · 08-03-2007, 01:33 PM

Hi and Welcome,
What Zen said. Welcome to the losers bench.
It's your decision what to do with this information.
People are so self centered, it usually takes a long time for them to notice the changes. If they see you eating less, drinking more water, focusing on protein, they'll assume that's responsible for the changes. If they ask...you are focusing on changing your lifestyle, smaller portions, low carb, healthier way of life. You'll do just great!

JenBear7 · 08-03-2007, 01:51 PM

Welcome to the board.. and I hope it all works out the way YOU want it to with the questions. There are many many posts about this on the board if you do a search.. and some very clever responses!

witbee · 08-03-2007, 02:04 PM

I never understand the whole "keeping it quiet" thing. For me, people knew I was fat, so they already assumed I failed at diets. What I find often is that people that think lesser of you for having the surgery already thought lesser of you for being fat. Those people can kiss my rapidly decreasing butt.

I don't wear a LAP RNY t-shirt or anything, but if someone asks, I tell them. I figure it is spreading the word and might help someone else with their decision.

Maybe not telling is a chick thing.

MiladyB · 08-03-2007, 02:11 PM

I personally tell anyone who asks but that's me. I just feel more comfortable being up front about it. If someone has a problem with it? Well, the way I look at it, it is THEIR problem not mine, so they can say whatever they want. Surprisingly enough though, I have not had one negative comment from anyone...strangers and family included. Maybe I've just been lucky, I don't know but I am more than happy to educate anyone who asks.

It is a very personal decision though. What has been the right way for me to handle it may not be the best way for you. Zen had some good suggestions of how to handle it and like she said maybe over time you will feel more comfortable about sharing your experience with others.

Welcome to the board and to the loser's side!

AusLaurie · 08-03-2007, 03:37 PM

"oh that was drastic!" and such other remarks.

I told them that dieing or becoming blind or having amputations from my diabetes, which was cured before I even left the hospital, was a LOT more drastic than choosing to do the surgery.

I found that putting it into the health perspective helped. I do find that many are jealous though. But basically I know that it was the right thing for me and really who cares what they think?

The ones I forgot to tell were very worried about me when they saw me. They thought I had cancer or something because I had lost weight so rapidly.

I think that if we tell there are going to be negative responses and if we don't tell there are going to be negative responses. Also the same goes in reverse for the positive responses they come from both situations.

In all aspects of my life I just feel it is easier to tell the truth because then I don't have to remember what I said LOL

All the best
Laurie

cnvh · 08-03-2007, 07:56 PM

I'm beginning to wonder if I live on another planet or something... I have not kept my WLS a secret from ANYONE since even before surgery-- I even told the owners of the coffee shop where I go every morning before work-- and ONLY ONE person has even come close to being critical about it. (And she's a friend who was "worried about the risks of surgery" critical, not "the easy way out" critical.)

Do you all live in The Land Of The Rude And Meanies or something?? I am just continually shocked that so many people seem to get negative responses... Not that I personally give a hoot if anyone thinks I made the wrong decision; THEY don't have to live in this body of mine, I do. But other than the aforementioned friend-- who has since been completely supportive-- I've not gotten a single negative comment, and believe me, I've told everyone who would stand still long enough to listen.

I just don't get it....

JenBear7 · 08-03-2007, 08:08 PM

I do not live in the land of meanies.. just the opposite. I feel like a support addict, because Everyone.. and I mean everyone I have told is now a part of my support system. Its awesome really to have people you dont really know congratulate you on taking a positive step for you.. and really, I think most of the negative stigma is going away..

However, I think telling people is a personal decision.. I also think it has more to do with how you view Your OWN decision, than what you are afraid others are going to think.. I think once people find peace with their decision, they are going to start telling people.