Dating question! - ThinnerTimes

Olusha · 11-26-2006, 03:07 PM

I had surgery almost 6 weeks ago now and including the pre-op diet, I've lost 52 lbs. I'm already back down to a weight where I feel comfortable dating again (not that I didn't before, just not as much) and I've got my first "I'm back guys, watch out!" date on Friday.

I don't know what to do about telling guys about the surgery! I thought it would be a good idea to get it out of the way, but my best friend disagreed so vehemently that she took a poll at her office and every single guy she asked said, "NO WAY, do not tell a guy that until you've been dating him awhile. He'll wonder how fat you were before the surgery!"

So here's my question...when do you think I should tell a date about the surgery? How do I explain the fact that I don't eat if/when we go to dinner? My friend says I should just say I'm on a diet.

Advice please!

VanessaSFL · 11-26-2006, 03:19 PM

Hmmm~I'm an old married lady but if I were single....knowing what I know now....

I would do the First date away from a dinner table...do something maybe like a museum or a something nature/outdoors...

I would not invest the personal information to someone untill you think they may become a friend or more.If you do go out to eat...surgery or not I can't remember when I ever woofed down on a date...soup is a great choice...keep it light for sure...you know your safety foods.

Good luck...First Dates can be really fun.

V

Alayna · 11-26-2006, 03:31 PM

You are about the same age as me and I too am feeling a lot better about myself, so much so that I am getting more attention than before as well.

I do have to say though that I do agree with your friend about waiting until you get to know someone before telling them about your operation. Or when I say "wait", definitely a bit longer than on the 1st date!! I only think this, because I think there are a lot of people out there (and especially men) that might just not understand what it is all about and right or wrong, may judge you on it rather than getting to know YOU first. It is not their fault, it is just peoples ignorance of the whole procedure and why we would go through such a thing "just" to be thin.

Having said all that, if you feel comfortable telling someone what you have done, then if they can't deal with it, then it is their loss.

I personally havent told anyone just yet, but that is only because I am only 4 weeks post op and want to recover fully first and I also feel that it is a very personal thing to me, and I dont want to tell any man about it, unless I feel that it may lead somewhere.

Regarding the whole "eating out" problem, well you could either tell them that you are on a diet and just want to eat a starter and that is quite enough, or order a meal and get suddenly full one bite into it ha!! The other option however would be not to go for a meal for a couple of weeks to a month or something and then by then, you should know whether you are ready to tell this guy what you have had done.

You could also just say that you have had an operation and at the moment, your food intake is limited. You do not need to say anymore, and I don't think that anyone would probe into it any further anyway.

I know I have waffled on here, so apologies if I haven't made any sense, but I jsut had to reply to you as your predicament is exactly the same as mine, but all I will say, is just wait until you know if both f you want to meet again, before telling people your most intimate secret.

I hope this has helped even a little bit.

Good luck, and also good luck on the date - let us know how you get on.

x

lealphachienne · 11-26-2006, 03:34 PM

hmmm.....I went to a buffet for a date......so that was interesting...I ended up telling him why it took 3 hours to eat a "regular" sized meal. He was real cool with it....but, there's a few people I have gone out with and never told, just said "how else do you think I keep my girlsish figure" when commented on how little. It depends on how serious you are with the person...but I don't think I have ever talked about it until after at date or two.

It's even more fun as I have a full belt tattoo to cover up my TT scars....so there's the question of why I had such a large one done.....it's almost like the poem about The house that jack built....."i got the tattoo to cover the scars from a tummy tuck becasue I lost 120 lbs because I had problems with my weight and heatlh and was going to die at 30......" good conversation starter

Gina in NY · 11-26-2006, 04:20 PM

I eat with collegues all the time (none of them know about my surgery) and I don't eat much - they never really notice, but if they do I just say, "Oh - I had such a huge break-fast (or lunch or whatever)" or "I don't really have much of an appitite today for some reason" or "This isn't as good as I hoped it would be" or...You can insert your comment here. Even, "Guess I'm not as hungry as I thought I was" should pretty much cover it. Also - talking a lot covers the fact that you're eating so slowly. Just act like you're extremely prim and proper - never talk with your mouth full (not that you do, but it can happen during a lively discussion) - put down your fork between bites, use your napkin a lot - there are so many ways.

With dating or new friends or whatever, I'd just wait till it came up on its own. I wouldn't be like, "Yea, I'm a teacher and I HAD GBP SURGERY!" It could end up dominating the conversation for hours. I'm sure it will come up after a few dates - might have to come up before getting naked at least, but hopefully that is not the first date!! (Though I am not one to judge as I'm in a glass house on that one - albeit I've been married for 14 years!)

momronda2k · 11-26-2006, 06:32 PM

I don't have much to add, because every aspect has been covered. Surgery or not, I am an avid believer of first dates being away from food, and something that brings out conversation. No movies or dinner. My husband and I's first date was to a miniture golf place. I think a museum, art gallery, or miniture golf, or something like that is an awesome first date. It makes you have conversation, and you can have so much fun. IF you do go to dinner, order a salad. For some reason, I tend to eat salads a lot slower than other foods, and since lettuce contains so much water when you chew it, it is like your not eating anything. I remember at about 12 weeks out, I ate a lot of a salad and became alarmed, but then realized that chewing salad basically becomes nothing.

Duckie · 11-26-2006, 07:31 PM

I haven't started dating. Yet. lol I'm in no rush. It will happen when it happens. I don't think I'll hide the fact I had surgery though. I'm pretty open about it. Heck, I'm proud of the fact that I finally put my health first. So, it will probably come up on the first date. If they can't handle it, they aren't worth the trouble!

bonnieboots · 11-26-2006, 11:13 PM

You Rock....what kind of tatoo? I think that is a terrific solution following the plastics....I am going to look into it. BON

jeezy · 11-27-2006, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Olusha

So here's my question...when do you think I should tell a date about the surgery? How do I explain the fact that I don't eat if/when we go to dinner? My friend says I should just say I'm on a diet.

Advice please!

Olusha, it ultimately up to you but I think the surgery is a very personal thing to be shared with close people only. Call me paranoid, but I don't like a lot people in my business, especially strangers. Only when you feel comfortable with any person and feel that they aren't going to judge you or blab off at the mouth about it then you should tell them. Don't make a big deal about it when you go out.

We all know that we can't eat "normal" restuarant portions anymore so you can either order off the kiddie menu or take home left-overs. And if you MUST explain why you ate ionly a few bites off of this or that tell them I didn't have much of an appetite or whatever! Or if you're close enough, tell the guy you aren't that hungry and share his meal. Does every single person need to know the real reason why I can't gorge out on food anymore sheesh! I digress.

BTW CONGRATS on your loss! Didn't I tell you not to worry...nobody listens to me.

Olusha · 11-27-2006, 07:24 PM

lol yes, you were right! I did start losing again, thank God.

Ok, I'm not gonna tell anyone until I get naked with them...then I have to do something to explain the scars and by then I will trust them and consider them to be an important part of my life.

Thanks everyone for your input! My date on Friday doesn't include food as far as I know (going to see Josh Blue and Chris Porter from "Last Comic Standing"), so that should help!