Stacie's Journal (stakeda) - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

stakeda · 10-16-2004, 01:29 AM

October 15, 2004

Tonight was such fun. I went to the surprise birthday party that Christina threw for Stuart. I had a great time with everyone, Bridget, Kim, Dale, Tonya, Christina, Stuart, and his beautiful extended family.

It was a nice setting at a local restaurant. I was comfortable in my own skin, the first time in what seems to be ages. Bridget, Kim, and I all shared a meal, which we had to pack up "to go" for my two teenagers.

So, the party is progressing quite nicely..... then Christina approaches me out of the blue, believe it or not, for the first time in a long time, someone actually wanted to give me his phone number.

Where's this coming from? What? He is actually interested in me?

It's been a while since this has happened. How do I feel about this?

Hummmmmmm....

Then I remembered this morning...I sat in the office of my WONDERFUL therapist, Jeanie. I cried. I explained to her that my life is out of control. "What's wrong with me Jeanie?" "I feel so out of control of my feelings right now". "I'm always in control....I can't deal with these demons that are surfacing!" Ahhwwwwwww... ... ... she exclaimed... "this is just the beginning...." So, here we go... Stacie is finally going to face the demons. Ewwwwww....I don't want to face them. But, too bad. Here is the beginning of my emotional healing.

Thank you for sharing it with me.

Hold on... ... ... I think it may be a bumpy ride.

Blueyz · 10-16-2004, 10:35 AM

That is so cool! Watch out, all of those guys are after you! You deserve it! You are so beautiful and what man wouldn't want your phone number. Don't get me wrong, you know I am not that way.

We had a blast and I sent all of you the pictures, but had return mail on your email address and Bridget's. Do you 2 have new email addresses that I can send them too? Let me know. You all looked awesome. To Tonya, Bridget, Christina, Kim, Stacie, and Stuart.... Tino and I enjoyed the party.

Blueyz · 10-16-2004, 10:42 AM

Anyone who wants to post the picutres, go for it. I still haven't mastered posting of pictures. Everyone looked GREAT!!

stakeda · 10-16-2004, 01:38 PM

Hey there butterfly girl

Thank you so much for sending the pictures of us. I have private messaged you with my work email address.

And thank you for the compliments.

I'm learning to feel good about myself again.

I had a great time with all of you last night. Lets do it again!

Blueyz · 10-16-2004, 02:41 PM

Stacie,
I sent them over to your work. Hope you enjoy!

stakeda · 10-16-2004, 03:09 PM

Dale,

I didn't get the pix.

stakeda · 10-16-2004, 07:58 PM

Hey all,

So, today is Saturday and I had to work. I am usually off on Saturday and Sunday, but one of my employees is on vacation so I am working for her.

Anyway, last night, while driving to Stuart's party, I spoke with my eldest sister, Ginger.(She's about 8 years older than me) Now, I haven't spoken to Ginger in over a year. But, Ginger is the one sibling who "really" remembers what my childhood was like. See, I can't remember too much about my childhood. I don't know why. So anyway, Ginger proceeded to give me her opinion on the situation. She told me that my mom, whom I thought was very nurturing and giving, really wasn't. She explained that my mom was emotionally absent most of the time and SHE (Ginger) basically was left to raise us kids (my siblings). Meaning, my mom depended on her to really help out with us. And she resented it. Who could blame her? Hell, she didn't have us...my mom did. So, why should she be responsible for us? Anyway, my sister is bitter and pissed off at my mom. She doesn't talk to her. I really can understand her position.

I guess, from what Ginger says, my mom had a "brief affair" on my dad when I was really little. My dad freaked out and moved us all, as a family, away from that environment. It was the middle of the night...we were all asleep in our beds...my dad stormed into our rooms, packed up our stuff, and moved us out of there. My mom denies it. I don't know who to believe.

Blueyz · 10-16-2004, 09:59 PM

Stacie,
I will try and send them again. Maybe your work blocked them because of the megapixel size. I will send them individually. On my end, it says they went through. I am gonna resend now. Hopefully this time it will work.

Karen Wright · 10-16-2004, 11:52 PM

Hey girl...I want to encourage you to share as much as you'd like with us about what you are going through! It helps SO much just to voice things and get them out. I know, this is going to be a helluva ride with your emotions and realizing just how "little" control we have over situations is VERY hard to deal with. I am a super-control freak too and letting go, even a little, can be a life changing experience. (I leave claw marks in just about everything! <LOL>)

I just wanted you to know that I can relate. I found out some CRAZY things about my family, myself, and my mother when I was 29 and I still do not deal with it well. All in time though...everything will be fine.

Love ya girl!

watergirl · 10-17-2004, 05:12 AM

I had the best time Friday night too! We all should do that again really soon!

The only way to move forward from here is to go back into our past and stop feeling like we are to blame for things that were out of our control. I've been through that with my psyc from years ago. I do know where you're at, it's going to get rough, but it's going to free you from that burden. There will be tears and that's okay. It's a way of cleansing. You're going to be stonger for it!

Yes, I can totally believe that that guy wanted your phone number. You are so beautiful! Love your new Avatar!

Here's to emotional healing!