Dara

Oh, man, ladies...what's going on here? Where is Stacie in all this? Let me retrace a little--I have put Stacie's post above so that we can all get perspective on this issue.

No one should feel offended. This forum is for support, and I believe it should be positive and tutorial when it's needed. When I fall and ask for input, I know I have friends here who will try to help me figure out why I fell and then lift me up. Do you think by all of the bickering on this post that Stacie feels better?

For example, Stacie recently posted a dilemma about her child support issue. She asked for input and she got it. Then she was able to make an informed decision. It's obvious from Stacie's post above that she was asking for input...was she not?! ("What am I going to do?")

I'm sure all of us have read Stacie's previous posts about her family history of alcoholism and her desire (and New Year's resolution) to stop drinking. I, for one, was simply trying to help her figure out why she felt bad about getting drunk ("I feel like a loser" and "I already feel guilty about it") and give her some suggestions.

Ladies, please don't ignore the fact that Stacie SAID she wanted to quit drinking and, after your evening together, she posted, asking for help. Another very important part of this whole dynamic that just came to light is that Stacie was already drunk when she met you ladies. I would recommend to Stacie that she definitely address this with her therapist.

I don't feel that we're being judgmental. God knows, we've endured judgmental feelings from others all of our lives. But, let's make sure that when we're asked, our input is for the person's best interest--warts and all.

I'll admit I haven't spent much time with Stacie in person...just brief chats at meetings. However, I feel close to her based on her journal-sharing and our mutual life experiences. When someone asks for help, I try to relate my own life experiences, defeats and growth.

I would recommend that if you haven't already done so, please re-read Stacie's journal from the beginning again. I think you might find a little different perspective with it fresh in your mind.

Love to all...and especially Stacie!

__________________

Dara
Open RNY 4/27/04 Dr. Callery
10-15 lbs. above goal weight and okay with it

brutherford

We all get a little too heated up and emotional over this forum. Those of us who've been online for a year or longer know that a true blow-up happens every 3 or 4 months... like clockwork.

My observation is that most of the fights happen when friends feel the need to defend their loved ones. We're all adults - let Stacie tell Christina how she feels about what she wrote. If she chooses not to say anything, then that's her choice and it's really none of our business.

None of us are perfect, none of us have the right to judge anyone else on this board, and all of us know that when we post our comments we are inviting anyone and everyone to give us their opinion. So, the opinions have been given - just let them sort it out on their own.

I love you all in a BIG way but you need to chill out!

So, now that I've given my opinion I'll go ahead and post all of my dating/sex questions to distract and preoccupy you! Whoohoo!

__________________
"You are where you are in your life because of what you believe is possible for you." - Oprah Winfrey
Barbara R.
Open RNY 4/28/04
317/165 AT GOAL
5'9", 126.5" lost
Starting BMI 46.8
Current BMI 24.2

stakeda

__________________
Stacie
Lap
Dr. Callery
7/7/04
259/145/140

"We should never let our fears hold us back from pursuing hopes." John F. Kennedy

A life without examining.....is not worth living! Soccrates

Dara

Stacie:

I'm so happy you posted! I was really worried about your reaction when you read all the posts back and forth.

One thing you can be assured of...we all love and care about you! Otherwise, we wouldn't be so emotional and such WOMEN about it!

You're an extremely intelligent woman and a devoted mother. You'll figure it out.

Thanks for tolerating all of us hennie pennies around here.

Much love...

__________________

Dara
Open RNY 4/27/04 Dr. Callery
10-15 lbs. above goal weight and okay with it

pambragg

Stacie,

Sorry baby, it's the mom in me that came out in your defense. Like a mother hen protecting her own. I love you and trust that you have the strength to do what is right for YOU. PS, hows that wascally wabbit?

__________________
Pam
Open 7/7/04 Dr Callery
333/130/150.........20 lbs below goal now!!
Start/current/goal
TT done 7/19/06
BMI pre-op 57.2
BMI now 21.6....OMG...I'm freaking "normal"

"You are the only one who can make the difference. Whatever your dream is, go for it."

Christina

Stacie,

First of all I am sorry if what I said offended anyone, especailly you. I never thought you would do anything conciously to sabotage your relationship with your children. And I do know you well enough to know that you feel guilty about EVERYTHING!!! So don't feel guilty over that blow up that happened. Trust me there is a lot more to it than you realize and it isn't about you. I was trying to help and didn't quite finish the post before re-reading it to ensure that no feathers would be too ruffled over it. I was reaching for straws trying to figure out what was really going on with you. Let me tell you this, that I never thought I would try and sabotage my most important relationship, but I did. I tried many times to sabotage my relationship with Stuart, but dang it he won't let me. He puts my butt back in place and then gives me a great big hug!! I swear I don't deserve him.

I honestly was trying to help and didn't read anyone else's posts before posting a reply to your post. After I posted I knew for sure it was over for me. Either way I do stand by what I said and I know that your friends are true friends because they didn't allow you to keep drinking.. that says a lot about them. I know you are not a falling down drunk and I know that you were celebrating. Each day you have the opportunity to wake up and decide what kind of day you are going to have, we have that opportunity and we are lucky for that. So when you wake up remember that you are a special person, with a lot to offer society, your family, your friends, and mostly YOURSELF.. so know that and decide to live how you want to live your day. Don't fret over one night. Heck, last time I checked, you were human right? You do breathe oxygen like us right? You bleed right?? Ok just checking.. just making sure.. cause I know you look like an angel and in many ways you are.. but lets get real.. you are HUMAN and you will make mistakes. You will have regrets and you will learn from them and move on. Just know that I really do care about you and was truly trying to help. I was not trying to put anyone down or test who was the better friend here..

__________________
Christina
Open RNY 03/31/2004
274/128/137 (131 Per Dr. C)
BMI: 47 / 22

"There's nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility is being superior to your former self." - Ernest Miller Hemingway

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." - Henry Ford

triciaknox

Hey Stacie?

Are you my sister? Reason I ask is that what you were saying sounds SOOO much like me. I feel guilty over EVERYTHING. A very hard habit to break. Regardless, you are still one of my heros, bet you didn't know that.

__________________
Tricia in Escondido
Lap/Open with Dr Callery
October 5, 2004
392/242/150?
Starting BMI 59.7
Current BMI 36.8

Blueyz

Girls! I am so happy everything is ok. I hate to see arguments and I am sure Dr. Callery and Dr. Potts want to see this as a happy, supportive forum.
We are all here for each other in times of good and bad!!

__________________
Blueyz
Open 7/14/04 w/Dr. Callery 4 years out
239/103/125 below Goal fluctuating between 108-115
BMI 18.8~Dr. C is ok with my weight...yeah

Official Scale Whore # 27 (Recovered..I threw mine out!!)

Kelly

That's The Christina I am used to hearing!!! Supportive and loving!! Thanks for coming back...I truely feel the forum would not be the same w/out you I do not know you well, but from what I do know and read you are a lot like me and only mean the very best!

__________________
Kelly Fragoso
1/25/05 (open) Dr. C
250.5, 184, 145 (per PCP)

stakeda

Dear All,

I know that you have been through similar situations...but being through the same situation doesnt mean that you have experienced the same things that I have. I have read your excerpts. I greatly respect the comments that you have made, although i feel that your feelings have value, I must say the following...

Feeling fat everyday is not a good feeling. Feeling worthless everyday is also not a good feeling. What does it take to feel valued? Self worth? What is it really? Does it really matter what size you are? Does it really matter what position you are in? At this time I do not know. Regardless of how I feel about myself, it doesnt seem to matter in today's society. The more I go on the more I realize that self worth comes from inside. Regardless of your size and regardless of the way you feel about yourself inside, you are worth so much more. There are so many ways to express that way that you feel...so many ways to express what you are worth...all I can say is that when it comes down to it, what you are really worth is how you feel about yourself no matter what people say, no matter what people do yuo have to have faith. It takes a big man to tell you that your nothing, it takes a big guy to tell you that your s**t, but it takes a bigger person to stand up against that and say, "No one could tell me what I am. No one can tell me what I do. No one can tell me what Im worth and only God can tell me what I am capible of and im my mind and in my heart I am worth more than anyone in this world can tell me...EVER...I AM EVERYTHING,...and nothing more than you will ever be.

__________________
Stacie
Lap
Dr. Callery
7/7/04
259/145/140

"We should never let our fears hold us back from pursuing hopes." John F. Kennedy

A life without examining.....is not worth living! Soccrates