We'll see how it goes - Page 3 - ThinnerTimes

QueenB · 11-19-2005, 10:39 PM

Ok, now I know why Rain said her husband call GBS "the cruelest diet". You can't quit, you can't change your mind, you can't have a burger and start again tomorrow. It's cruel........probably the only thing that works-but cruel none the less. Now I know I will finally figure out this irritating need to eat and I will feel better about this decision but right now I am NOT getting that I am just not hungry. What I do know is that most people, not even the skinny ones, don't rely on actual hunger pangs to know when they are hungry. They simply rely on appetite, the time of day..say it's noon so I am going to eat lunch or the simple rumble in their tummy that is more likely digestion starting after they smelled something appetizing and began salivating......I guess I was really counting on this response going away but unfortuneately it hasn't. I am struggling-but not with eating too much because I obvioulsy can't, but more with the need to eat and the looooooooooong liquid phase. I have eaten food, I am not going to lie and I am not going to recommend others do it but I had a bite of well cooked pasta, some soy crisps and a vegi or two from the soups I have been straining.

You know I finally had my 1st appointment with the surgeon...welll I was SUPPOSED to see the surgeon

I even called ahead of me leaving to make sure he was running on time and when I got there they told me he wasn't even in the office

I saw the NP who looked at the questionaire I filled out, said I looked like I was doing well and asked if I had any questions then sent me on my way. I wasn't even there for 5 minutes. I was so dissappointed. I feel like they have left me to sink or swim which is basically what they do and what is necessary BUT I don't like it. All this head stuff going on and I spent over 3 months in weekly sessions at an eating disorder clinic. Thought the rest was in the bag......this really goes deeper than what you think the issues are.

Here are some things I am concerned about:

#1 I never get a feeling of fullness. Now, I may not be getting enough in to feel it-which is probably the case-but I am, of course, wondering if I have a super sized pouch.

#2 I feel like I am sabotaging myself (the bites here and there) but upon further inspection I rationalize that when I can finally EAT a meal, instead of slurp it, that this constant (head) hunger will go away.

#3 I no longer have the nasty taste in my mouth and I am thinking of buying the strips you urinate on to see if I am in ketosis still......kind of feel like I ruined it by eating that vegtable LOL

#4 I feel wonderful.....silly thing to be concerned about right?.....but for real I feel like a million bucks. Some days I don't even need a nap (of course others I am whipped just spending 2 hours at Chuch E Cheeses) I feel too lucky to succeed.......does that make sence? Like I should be suffering more to be worthy of this great tool. Now that I have it in print I will knock on wood because I feel like I am tempting fate

(knock, knock)

Blah, blah, blah, blah......I have totally rambled but this is what was important to me today. Tomorrow will be another struggle with food and hopefully a little less and then even less the next day. As with all things, one day at a time right?

lealphachienne · 11-20-2005, 08:00 AM

Trust me honey, you're still in ketosis....lasts for several months, even if you have a few veggies and carbs. Thsoe few bites aren't enough to interupt what you're body is doing. As for the taste, you're use to it now. Others may still politely tell you to chew gum

The head games takes a good 8-12 months to notice a difference in your thought process, to realize that you don't think that way any longer. The fact to you've identified your issues is a step in the right direction. The behavior modification will come along. Dr. C/P offer follow-up support group for those who want to attend. That is what makes his practice a bit different than some others. Even then, no matter how prepared you are, reality is still a kick in the pants.

QueenB · 11-21-2005, 11:03 PM

Oh the mind games....thanks for you info Marie, I really appreciate the feedback. I am really unsure if I will ever think the "right" thing is happening with this new tool LOL

I can wear my wedding set again! Put it on this past Friday and haven't taken it off since. Now to start shopping for a setting for the diamond I got for our anniversary!

I think I dumped last night. What happened was I got kinda sleepy and warm after eating some creamed soup.....and I barely had 1/3 cup. I won't be eating that kind of soup again. I am greatful that I had that experience and that I had it at home where I could lay down. Tonight I experimented to see if I could feel full.......well I can and I don't like it. I wasn't overly full, I didn't feel sick or get sick but I really think I am better off not feeling full.

I tried a Propel today, still can't stand the stuff.....tastes like an old rusty fork BLECK!!! I was good until about 5 days out then the taste took a nose dive.

Something has been getting on my nerves since surgery.......my Mother and Husband making comments on some of the side effects of surgery that can not be helped. Why is it that people feel the need to point out the bad? When I was in the hospital getting ready for discharge I was brushing my hair and my Mom was like "Oh wow, look at all that falling out. It sure is comming out". I bit my tongue knowing that it doesn't start that quick but even if it had WHY IS SHE POINTING IT OUT? ARGH! I had mentioned that part of my hair is colored blue/green form the die they use to check for leaks during surgery well, why does my husband have to keep pointing it out? I know it's there, it's permanent, get over it already. Then he keeps telling me how much smaller my breasts are. I am a woman, I like my breasts, I do not want to hear how my breasts are less full. I am about to let him know how his penis is less 'full' since his belly is borrowing from it !@#$% HELLO? That does NOT turn me on. Doesn't he know they are on my body and have been since I was in the 5th grade, I can see them in the mirror and I get that they are changing. I know it's because of his insecurities and now that I have blown off steam here I will talk with him about it tomorrow and be able to do it without ripping him a new hole

Today I had to deal with a tortureous event. Our family went to the mall and the kids wanted McDonalds. I sat and watched them eat a bit disgusted at how much my husband put away and how quickly he did it. This is not really somehting new, I have always been on his ass about eating slower and taking smaller bites but now that I have nothing better to do than watch him inhale his food it really kind of made me ill. I had a couple of bites of pinto's and cheese from taco bell, it went down fine but it just isn't the same as before. Wasn't as satisfying....glad there was some protein in there somewhere though.

I am craving vegtables so bad. Peas, corn, salsa, asparagus, squash....but I went and bought my protien supplement instead. I will try it in the morning but I am sure it will be NASTY! Stay tuned for an update

I am quite tired and I promised my girlies I will get them out of the house tomorrow so I am off to bed.

justawoman · 11-22-2005, 06:43 AM

Britt, I must say that I just love your updates. I think because if I was a better writer I would be writing the same things. Each update sounds just like me or what I wanted to say. I am also feeling great, I really have had no complications at all and man oh man just like you food looks good. I snuck some peanut butter on my finger on my 5th day out of surgery. So your updates are sooo great for me so keep me posted as I can relate to every darn thing you post. My family as well seems to think they need to comment on things that I already know. Like the other night I was eating my baby bowl of sugar free jello with some sugar free cool whip with my baby spoon and he seemed to need to comment that it looked like a lot of food..WHAT? It was not even a half of a cup of SF jello, it was like 2 or 3 baby spoons full. He makes comments all the time that it seems like I am always eating. HELLO? I only eat about 3 baby spoons full of one thing at a time. So like you I know how you feel and will be looking forward to your post in the future....Good Luck Girl

You give me lots of inspiration..Thanks..

QueenB · 11-22-2005, 10:13 AM

Well I am glad you enjoy my updates and I am kind of sorry that you can empathize with me HA! I actually thought for a while before surgery that I would write what I thought people wanted to hear, I wanted people to see me doing well, being well and falling in line with all the new changes and requiremenst without so much as a hiccup. Then I thought, "Who in hell will benifit from that?" Surely no one who should. So here I am telling my journey as it is......the good bad and the...ahem....SMELLY!

So I mixed my protien this morning with water.....nasty.....so I put in in my tea (herbal orange and spice) and it actually went down fine. I gagged when I tried to drink it alone so I will have to have it in the tea until I can add it to something like yogurt or something.

I feel like a cheese ball.....don't tell but I have been listening to Christmas music for 2 days already! I had to do something, this whole Santa Anna crap has been going on for toooooooo long and I needed some spirit

I'm acting like I don't do this every year.....blush......I do

My kids love that I jump start the season. My 3 year old, Lili, keeps asking when I am going to decorate. I will wait until after Thanksgiving for my scrooge husbands sake

Oh no the sky is falling......have to run my 23 month old can't get Barbies boots to stay on and it's time to call in reinfoircements LOL GIRLS

kpleasure · 11-22-2005, 10:52 AM

i am glad everything went smoothly

QueenB · 11-22-2005, 10:34 PM

I ate pizza tonight. I cut the bottom off a piece of my husbands pizza and picked the meat and cheese off and guess what happened? Nothing, not a damn thing. It is nice to know I can enjoy a small amount of this type of food but disconcerting at the same time. Do I dance a happy dance or start worrying about gaining the wieght back before I have even lost it? HELP??????

I have to say that I have been feeling drained much more that I was the last 2 weeks, probably because I have been alone the last couple of days and before that had people here to help if I needed to lay down or just plane ol' be alone......not so much of that happening here with all the kids on vacation this week. Then my husband came home and told me one of our employees quit so he's back to working every day

Such is life......

Just in case someone doesn't know, Supernatural on the WB ROCKS!!!!!

I am off to watch it.

justawoman · 11-23-2005, 11:32 AM

Well Britt like you I have done the same thing. I have cheated and I ate a real crisp piece of bacon and nothing happen, it went down smooth. I ate a little itty bit of cheese nothing, same thing right down the pipe it went. I mean I didn't eat huge amounts I ate like a mouse bite but it still worried me as I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to eat it. You still are crackin me up because every time I read your post it is like me writing it. I am a week behind you in the WL but I am suppose to be on full liquids and that is it, and I feel like I need to chew something or I will die. I am losing weight still and feel ok but like I am feeling a tad bit drained and like you it is probably because I am here with the kids now with no help. I think we are going to be ok as I have read so many post and it seems that they key is moderation. So I figure I should be ok if I just have a little mouse bite of bacon or whatever. I think your doing great Britt and look forward to your next post...

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenB

I ate pizza tonight. I cut the bottom off a piece of my husbands pizza and picked the meat and cheese off and guess what happened? Nothing, not a damn thing. It is nice to know I can enjoy a small amount of this type of food but disconcerting at the same time. Do I dance a happy dance or start worrying about gaining the wieght back before I have even lost it? HELP??????

I have to say that I have been feeling drained much more that I was the last 2 weeks, probably because I have been alone the last couple of days and before that had people here to help if I needed to lay down or just plane ol' be alone......not so much of that happening here with all the kids on vacation this week. Then my husband came home and told me one of our employees quit so he's back to working every day

Such is life......

Just in case someone doesn't know, Supernatural on the WB ROCKS!!!!!

I am off to watch it.

Gladitsme · 11-23-2005, 12:17 PM

Brittany,

As I read through this it reminded me of my first days out from surgery, except I took and enjoyed my lortab. And both of my sons were in summer school and day care for their sake.

Instead of calling it cheating, I refer to it as pushing my limits.

QueenB · 11-23-2005, 12:56 PM

Nancy,
Definitely pushing my limits.......cheating is for diets.

I had been at the same weight for almost a week and this morning I woke up 3 lbs lighter. YAY! Water is still hard to go down, especially in the morning but it seems once I force the first couple of sips then my tummy handles it better. Tea is still my favorite. Can you belive only water counts as water? I thought for sure herbal tea would count as water or CL but NOPE just plain ol water and rusty fork water (Propel).

I am starting to have some back problems but nothing like before surgery. Summer 04 was the worst and what sent me on the road to GBS. The pain is on the left side now and it's only possitional. Before the pain was on the right and all the way down my right leg, so excruciating, really BAD! Hope I don't experience that again any time soon.

I am looking forward to getting out tomorrow and so are my kids. I keep thinking going on a walk would be nice but the thought of walking back up the hill to get home makes me want to go take a nap LOL I am going to go make some tea and add my protine to it before nap time so maybe when I get up I'll feel like taking the kids to do somehting. Considering they have been couped up for the past couple of days I have to say they are being really well behaved.

I vow to get them out of the house for a while today......and get some walking in for myself.