We'll see how it goes - Page 11 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

eyesthatkissu · 01-20-2006, 10:54 AM

Britt...... You are doing an awesome job! But I have one word for you my lil plum....

RELAX!

QueenB · 01-20-2006, 10:39 PM

Ok so something kind of traumatic happened to me today. I went on the whale watching trip with my oldest son and his class. Well.....that old boyfriend that I mentioned (jokingly) running in to, he was the captain of our boat

Now all and all it was decent experience, and I didn't get sick! But I guess seeing him brought back alot of things I tried to bury. Then, driving to the gym, I realised the date and how ironic it was in regards to our relationship. It sent me to tears and I found myself beating myself up for things I should have forgiven myself for a log time ago. The more I looked at myslef the more I came to terms with the fact that I probably won't ever forgive myself or forget about the things that happened 12 or so years ago. I think I wanted to connect with him on some level but I let too much time go by to get the answers and emotions I wanted......not that I brought any of this up. I think it will take a couple of days to recover from this and possibly turn out possitive so I end up dealing with this (even as I write this I know I probabaly won't)

I don't think I am getting enough sleep, the last couple of days have really kicked my ass. The Bonine for motion sickness hit me on the ride home and it was all I could do stay awake for the 35 mile ride. There is always some thing for me to do......always! SO bedtime keeps getting pushed back.

I am a bit frustrated with my DH lately too. He is really into hunting right now and is trying to go 2xs a week....this costs money and time way from the family and in truth right now I can use his help here. I guess it pisses me off that he can leave early, hunt all day and then get to sleep in the next morning....I always have to get up. I always have to "work"

I would love to wake up on my own time instead of at the butt crack of dawn to change the channel or make breakfast. The BIGGEST probelm is I have brought this to his attention and nothing has changed. He just ignores it cuz he knows I will get up and take care of them. Tomorrow I am NOT getting up, and if he doesn't either then they can all get in bed with us!

You'd think I was PMS'ing huh? I just really bennifit from venting here, and so does my family

QueenB · 01-21-2006, 10:26 PM

So much for sleeping in.......I had to change a pee bed at 4:45am. It was my own fault though. I didn't make my 3yo go to the bathroom before bed and I gave her Benadryl for her allergies. She was just too knocked out to wake up.

Some history on my eating disorders, a very condensed version: I became bulemic while sufferig from gallstones. I was misdiagnosed for over 6 months and learned that purging after eating stoppd the pain. After the surgery to have my gallbladder removed I couldn't bring myself to purge because I HATE throwing up so much....I turned to exercise and food restriction when the weight I lost purging came back (and then some). While anorexic (as sick as it sounds I LOVED this) I became pregnant with my second son, I actually got the OK from my OB to continue with the "diet and exercise" plan I presented him with. I ended up with a back injury about 3 months in and couldn't exercise.....turned to food and gained 50 lbs but I am so greatful that cycle ended. I truly enjoy exercise and that is why I am making sure to keep my calories at a decent level......anorexia would be so easy for me to get back into. Yes at times I feel that I could/should drop calories so maybe I will see the scale move but I am determined to do this right......

QueenB · 01-23-2006, 02:30 PM

It was just yesterday that I got to 195 and this morning I weighed 194! I upped my calories quite a bit (by 400 probably) and although I don't feel as good the weight did start moving. I also didn't workout yesterday either. I did, however, dump, and BAD! I had a little too much of the brownies my Mom sent home and I ended up near death (exaggeration) and in bed making deals with God for about 1.5 hours LOL When I finally felt better I had to get some protein in fast I was shaking so bad. The rest of my night was much less eventful.

Today I met with my trainer for the first time. We concentrated on mostly arms and back today. Really light. On Wednesday we'll add more and then on Friday we'll evaluate. I will only be seeing him once a week after that since our schedules don't really work well together. I walk 3 miles M, W, F when he is at the gym and I enjoy that time with my parents so I don't want to give that up. Plus I am at the gym almost every night AGAIN with the boys for karate......if I am working out in the moring it's a waste of time while I am there in the evenings. My trainer is so laid back though......not what you'd think of a trainer. Quiet and not alot of feedback unless you're doing something wrong. I dunno.......I think he was a little too easy on me though

It seems everytime I run to the grocery store to grab a few things I end up spending 100 bucks.......anyone else notice that? Buying good for you food costs more. It's also tastes better too! I liek ot make sure I have lots of goood choices around so that I never feel like I am missing out. Just now I had sliced tomatoe with pepperoni and tomatoe-basil mozzarella baked in the oven just enough to melt the cheese and crisp the pepperoni. Yummy and filling.

QueenB · 01-24-2006, 10:28 PM

I found another great site. It tells you how many calories you have to be in deficit a day to loose however much weight you want in what amount of time. It has tons of info and it's fun.

http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index.html

In order to lose 24lbs by the time I leave for the east coast in May I need a deficit of 730 calories a day.

My RMR (resting metabolic rate or REE resting enery expenditure) is 1595 multiplied by active is 2233. So to maintain I need 2233 calories a day. I average about 1200 calories a day which leaves me in a deficit of about 1100 calories a day plus what I burn at the gym. If I keep up the average then I should lose way more than 24lbs in that time frame. I won't get my hopes up

I said I did "light" weights with my trainer on our first meeting yesterday, right? I have been doing the machines on my arms for over a month now and he hands me 10lb free weights (much less weight than I use on the machines)to do the same movements and I woke up so sore this morning.......OMG I did not expect that. I need to stop being such a know it all. I was thinking, what is he doing??.....10lbs, 10 reps, 2 sets? He must think I am a wuss---NO IDIOT!!!!!! he just knows better

That is why he is a personal trainer and I am being trained LOL

SDphotogrl99 · 01-25-2006, 02:14 AM

I am glad you are back on track. I think you are doing such a great job!

QueenB · 01-27-2006, 02:24 PM

I am on my last belt hole!!!!!!!! Time to make a new hole or buy a new belt

192 this morning.....and my personal trainer is seriously kicking my arse. It's a good think I see him every other day or I would probably punch him out cold the way I feel on day 2 LOL

QueenB · 01-28-2006, 05:54 PM

Can barely walk, can't sit I just hobble around. My butt hurts so bad and to think I thought I was working those muscles the last month I was working out. I have to tell you, besides the pain in the rear-literally, getting a trainer is so worth the money! He had me do lunges and squats across the gym with 10lb weights in each hand. I almost cries but I found a bunch of muscles I hadn't previously worked. Then he did some ab work off the floor which is so much nicer on my back.

The scale was up a pound or so this morning and I feel like my quads have 25lb weights hanging off of them. I was kind of cought off guard when the scale moved the other way but I quickly realised that it's my PMS week. I also realised I haven't been this weight in years and when I break through the 90's I will not have seen the 80's since 2000! When I see the 70's (crossing my fingers) I will not have seen them since 1999 and in a very UNHEALTHY way. Then below that I haven't seen since I did Jenny Criag in the 7th grade

I am excited with anticipation!

My kids are obsesed with holidays. They are constantly asking about what the next oen is and how long till their bithdays. I started thinking, I haven't ever had any kind of party/gathering/dinner for my birthday since I turned 15 in the 9th grade. It's kind of sad but my friends were never that interested in what was going on in my life, it was mostly always about them....and I was always ok with that. They did take me out for my 21st just to get me drunk

I am not big on parties- I enjoy being with people who want to celebrate me, which usually ends up being my DH, Mom and Dad and my wonderful children, but what I wonder is why I am "ok" with friends who don't find the special moments and days in my life important? I find that I have become less thoughtful of their special days and occasions and have actually lost contact with some of them. Me wonder if I was just there to make them feel important? I hate questioning my friendships. All of the people who backed out fo my daughters birhtday in December have found thei kids biorthdays coming up......I don't wnat to begrudge my kids the chance to have a great time at the party but I am starting to feel the one-sidedness of our relationships. Pooey

Enough of that. Ava wants a bath so I am off to fill the tub.

trickychick68 · 01-30-2006, 09:59 AM

I love reading your journal. So honest and funny. I wish I could eat all of the things you are eating! Haha! Keep up the journal and the working out. It's so good for you, and gives me inspiration for when I go back to the gym in a week.

QueenB · 01-30-2006, 07:25 PM

Michelle, I am glad you enjoy this. I haven't gone back and read any of my entries until just now and I thought......"Gee Britt, maybe you are just a little too candid LOL" Maybe someone will get something from my odd rants and ramblings.